Scene from NEW feature film

The first half, everything before the fighting... is way too long.

I'm thinking to myself 'Why should I care about this?' and it is like 5 minutes of the same shot the whole time, a reverse would have been nice... or some MCU's, or ANYTHING. I know it contrasts the high action at the end, but that entire first part needs to be cut back... try perhaps just having 3 or 4 beats of the whole introduction expository stuff and then have it start to get sour. I'm assuming you only shot with one camera and since you are going for the 'mockumentary' feel, this is why you do not have any coverage to cut away to... You could always try cutting away to the guy on the computer, or the older guy, during the long convo at the beginning...

The last half was amusing... The CGI shots look iffy to me, but it's hard to do that well, without money.

I liked the shot tracking Kevin in talking to the older guy before he gets tackled, nice...

Good luck.
 
if you were trying to get that "mockumentary" feel, then you did at the beginning. Really felt like a reality show. Although, you definately needed some cuts instead of the one long shot.

I thought it was pretty funny overall though

only part I really laughed out loud was when the guy said "who is this guy?" while they were fighting. Partly because I have a friend who says that all the time :)
 
sry, speaking as someone who has yet to view the movie (ok, ok, i will today) just to let you know, the longer the clip the less likely anyone will watch it

this is because, as u've found out, the response is usually "this is way to long, cut it down"

so especially if ur only showing a "piece" of a movie where beginning, middle and end are not as important, there's no reason to post a 20 min clip no one wants to sit through.

pick 10 min and i bet u get 5 times the responses, or even better, pick 5 min, and u can double that. :)

expect my review later tonight
 
This is the first twenty minutes of the movie, in chronological order. It is many scenes, so the pacing should be pretty good. It's not one long scene.
 
well, generally the "pacing" is insignificant. The point is that ppl see 20 min and run away without even giving it a chance

so if you want ppl to watch it, either make sure its damn good, so other ppl see the positive stuff and because curious themselves, or just pick the best 5 min. get ppl's attention so you can show them more.

and this isn't to disway you from posting more 20+ min clips, just be aware that you'll only get 2 ppl to watch it, that all :)
 
Here's a question you should ask yourself, because I see a lot of independent work that makes me think "What's the point of making this movie?". Personally I try to think to myself "Would I pay to see this movie?" . That may not be your goal, but it helps me choose whats worthwhile to work on, personally I don't see any reason to watch the rest of that movie.

Not much in the way I can give you help, it just doesnt seem to have a plot, or anything interesting to keep me watching. It just looks like friends home videos.
 
a movie about making a movie unfortunately isn't a very original concept... it's been done many, many times... a tough road to take, 'cuz you basically have to do it better than anyone before you for people to take notice...

even though your film is more a mockumentary, and American Movie is an actual documentary, that is a recent example (and a great one) of someone tackling the subject... BTW, there are also a gazillion short stories about writing a short story (usually something to do with overcoming writer's block)...

i think the work is good in the technical side (albeit a little slow) -- perhaps your next idea will make you the 5,000 dollars you're looking for... the goal in American Movie was 3,000 dollars I believe... so you were shooting a little higher... taking inflation into account, I guess...
 
I know it can be very frustrating when you don't receive the type of feverish response you'd like to when you submit something that you have worked so hard on, but perhaps you should acknowledge the responses you have received, as opposed to complaining about the lack thereof.

That, I think, would be a much better way to encourage more responses and discussion of your footage, if that is what you want.... ;)
 
ok, I watched it!

and get this, i actually enjoyed it! At first i had no idea what was going on (which is bad for internet movies) but when u explained what you were doing, and went to shoot the scenes i had already seen, i thought it was cool.

Its a great concept, and although it reaks of "Adaptation", its different just enough to really be called original. YOU GO!

alright, that said, it could still be alot better, but its such a radical approach, im not sure many of the usual cliche critiques can apply.

All i can say is you should think about improving the look. ur lightings flat, but as its kinda a documentary, i can understand that. At least color corect and se how you can make ur images pop a little more.

Otherwise the only other thing i can say is you lost me at the stunt guy. It's a great idea, but it felt really long. I know what u were trying to do, and the time developing why they fight makes sence, but you lost my interest. That and when they finally do fight, it just didn't do it for me, it didn't feel real. Maybe it wasn't supposed to but if he doesn't sell it as a real fight, it looks just like some guys playing and we already know that he's there because he's a stunt guy, if it doesn't lok real then it doesn't play on that dual level, it too much for the "movie" and not for the "documentary"

so if you can keep the pace quick, and manage to balance of watching a documentary eating itself and excreeting a feature film, I'll sit through the whole thing (although I wouldn't pay $15 too see it) ;)
 
Thanks for the review. I am happy at least someone sees the originality, and quirkiness of the piece. I will be working on a lot of color correction, to see what I can do to make the images pop. Thanks to all who've given critique. It has not fallen on deaf ears.
 
I thought that was hilarious. All the little things like "My wife still remembers seeing you at costco" and the "three steps behind" just had me laughing so much. Im still laughing about it. I dont know if youve you seen the show Arrested Development, but the style of this reminded me of it. I cant wait to see the whole thing. Good job.
 
The beginning is way to long and annoying, just the sound of the guys voice bugs me. I'm not really sure where the movie is going (I know that was your point) - but I don't think it's going to work. :)
 
Sure it's not the most original concept, yes the aesthetic of it isn't very appealing (something you'll find to be a chief concern for many who frequent these forums :), maybe the acting of the supporting cast contributes very little to the masquerade, yeah it loses the viewer's attention several times due to longwinded narratives that are neither relevant or funny, and okay, the vfx isn't absurd enough to force a laugh or believable enough to warrant an approval.

But there were some redeeming moments, some well delivered comments of moderate wit, with the dialogue between the director and the stunt man probably being what held my attention the most. A self-conscious conversation between two people with a brooding undercurrent of intentionally predictable hostility will always have more comedic potential than the clichéd monologues that are overused with the main character. The inevitable fight...yes smells of Adaptation and the like, but hey I laughed a few times at the situational irony and juvenile ridiculousness of it. It's all very familiar stuff but when done a little differently can still be amusing.

If it's any consolation, I found it more entertaining and worth my time than 90% of the material I've seen posted here =?
 
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