"sara's gone." -- a film by Abraham and TheMacB

Kholi said:
...Great shots going on in the bedroom.
Click to expand...

Those were my favorite shots (scenes) as well. The lighting and comp here is really good. The story really picks up going into the last third of the film; this is where it got it interesting for me.

I was a little shocked by the scissors scene only because I find it so hard to believe she would do it that way. I don't even think that would have killed her; the rib cage is pretty tough to get through and requires a large amount of force...that was the only thing that really took me out of the film.

Actually...to be honest, I'm not sure what happened at the very end? :) Can you clarify? I don't know whether his wife killed herself or he killed his mistress with the scissors prior or after she made the call to his wife. I could see it both ways, either he was imagining what his wife would do so he killed her OR after his wife killed herself, he went back to the mistress and killed her the same way.
 
Best score of the fest Beautiful prremise.



This film had a lot of promise. Your premise and setup were great dramatic possibilities.
And despite some of the less than stellar elements, I thought you did a pretty good job with them.

Something I’ve noticed in this fest with many of the films is that the directors care about the communication of their theme but don’t achieve it for numerous reasons. Even when they have a starting point for a great script and theme, and show talent as a director like you do, other considerations that are paramount aren’t as effective.

Casting – finding actors who can achieve what the script requires of them in drama is the 1st draft pick of the whole game. You’re asking a lot from your actors so you have to find ones that can deliver. You’re actors gave it the good ole college try, but the material was asking for a breadth of expressiveness and subtlety that just wasn’t there yet.

Script - a plethora of these fests scripts seem rushed into production or in need of revision. Structurally they need to be bullet proof, but most of all they have to reflect story and theme in every line. Your script was better than most in that it fit the timeline, and you had a premise that didn’t need a whole lot of backstory and exposition. Where the script failed to deliver was in crafting this premise into a subtle dramatic arc. You were absolutely perfect in deciding where to begin the film (best in the fest, except for Norms film, Finnian’s, and Hudson’s IMO) and I was hooked to see more, even if the acting was a little over the top (see Naomi Watts for that kind of acting excellence). For the next phase, I would have liked to see more visual writing, showing the characters dilemma while deepening character, so the audience will question what the character will do. If you’d posed that question early there would have been a more multilayered conflict in the short. Instead, he’s a passive protagonist. Also, the “first meeting” between the two main characters rang false. Sure, she could break down like that, but a lot would have to predicate it (a personal breakup or other emotional event). As an audience we don’t see that backstory so her reaction comes off as unrealistic and overly emotional. IMHO, their meeting should reveal a lot about the character. I’m really not trying to rewrite your script, but I’m trying to explicate why the short wasn’t as effective as I think it has the potential to be. It’s a testament to your premise theme and setup that I’m writing all this.

Directing was subdued and fit the story. I had a few minor quibbles but overall it was well done.

Technically, the flick could have been better, although with such a powerful potential story, you could have done the S16 handheld style and knocked it out of the park

Ok, so the resolution. Here I had to watch one section a lot of times to see what happened. At first I thought the guy went into the other room to off himself – the angle and transition all told me that, and then you showed him with the chick. It was unnecessarily confusing. Even if you wanted to have a beat where the audience wonders, it was staged in such a way that was more “huh?” then “hmm”? As mentioned, I think highly of the promise of your script so this stood out as contrary to that.

All of the aforementioned was purely subjective, and I’d love to see what you do next. Pleasure to watch your film. :thumbsup:


:beer:
 
Wow, totally blown away, [sits and wonders what to say to truly express thoughts, comes up with nothing]

Thank you.
 
thanks a lot guys -- glad some folks are giving it a watch. appreciate all of the criticism. can't wait to make another.

thanks
evan
 
This film was really dark. The acting was a bit off in the young psycho woman, but I still really liked her. She had charisma. I hope she continues to do what she's doing. She could be great.

I wish the older wife would have had more of a voice. She really did seem gone. I guess that phantom vibe is what you were going for with her. It would have been interesting and highly dramatic in giving her a larger part. The 6 min time is an issue for sure, so I understand that.

You're a versatile director. I knew your past work and made absolutely no connections to this work from it. Great job.
 
Geoff_R said:
Those were my favorite shots (scenes) as well. The lighting and comp here is really good. The story really picks up going into the last third of the film; this is where it got it interesting for me.

I was a little shocked by the scissors scene only because I find it so hard to believe she would do it that way. I don't even think that would have killed her; the rib cage is pretty tough to get through and requires a large amount of force...that was the only thing that really took me out of the film.

Actually...to be honest, I'm not sure what happened at the very end? :) Can you clarify? I don't know whether his wife killed herself or he killed his mistress with the scissors prior or after she made the call to his wife. I could see it both ways, either he was imagining what his wife would do so he killed her OR after his wife killed herself, he went back to the mistress and killed her the same way.
Click to expand...

word -- geoff, you're right...that's a pretty crazy way to go...we probably wouldn't do it that way, nor would we do it at all. People do some crazy things, especially in a six minute drama.
Elliot Smith -- singer/songwriter -- killed himself with a stab to the midsection.
But you're right -- she probably wouldn't die that quickly...but damnit, she died quickly. haha...ahhh....

but your last guess about the end was right. he kills his mistress in response to his wife's suicide.

boy am i ready to mov(i)e on to something else.
 
Thats a ruff way to cure heartburn :)

Strange to me this movie is not getting much attention thought it was pretty good...

The scissors to the chest took me out of it , because it does not seem plausible.. but I think i get what you where doing there in correlation with the last shot..

anyway good show:)
 
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