COMMERCIAL: sad men

[StrobelPhotography]

My comedy group and I came up with these greeting card spots for men who can't communicate. Any critique is more than welcome. We are a comedy group here in LA that make little video for youtube. The first one I shot on my 6d and the second was the first video I've shot on my bmpcc. Thanks!

Sad men part 1

sad men part 2

 

[markfpv]

Funny stuff - really like the humor / satire. As for the "production" - nice as well. muted colors give it semi-surreal feel. repeated slider moves helps drive home the endless repetition of these sad men.
Nice work! Cheers!

 

[StrobelPhotography]

Thx mark!

 

[charliemcdanger]

Sorry to dump on this, but:

-Both spots are too long. If a TV spot is 30 seconds, why does a spoof of a TV spot run 1:30? The premise is fine but the pacing and repetition are brutal. Brevity is the soul of wit. Cut the fat.

-Production. From a filmmaking perspective, these play more like a spoof of a guy who just got slider and wants to use the slider in every single shot no matter what. The execution of 90% of the shots is clunky and bad.

Slider notes:
-If the framing is horrible for half the shot, you've got a problem. Look at the first frame and the last frame of the slide. If either does not in itself make a pretty picture, you're sliding too far or your edit is too slow.
-Sliding to reveal a black obscuring wall or something else irrelevant: no bueno.
-Sliding where the rate of motion is jerky and obviously done by hand: no bueno.
-Including the start of the slide in the edit: no bueno, unless something on screen justifies that movement.

EDIT: Another small point but maybe worth mentioning. When you have the camera daylight balanced, why have him stick a 2700K bulb in the ceiling and screw up the color? Give him a 5500K bulb and everything looks fine.

 

[StrobelPhotography]

Sorry to dump on this, but:

-Both spots are too long. If a TV spot is 30 seconds, why does a spoof of a TV spot run 1:30? The premise is fine but the pacing and repetition are brutal. Brevity is the soul of wit. Cut the fat.

-Production. From a filmmaking perspective, these play more like a spoof of a guy who just got slider and wants to use the slider in every single shot no matter what. The execution of 90% of the shots is clunky and bad.

Slider notes:
-If the framing is horrible for half the shot, you've got a problem. Look at the first frame and the last frame of the slide. If either does not in itself make a pretty picture, you're sliding too far or your edit is too slow.
-Sliding to reveal a black obscuring wall or something else irrelevant: no bueno.
-Sliding where the rate of motion is jerky and obviously done by hand: no bueno.
-Including the start of the slide in the edit: no bueno, unless something on screen justifies that movement.

EDIT: Another small point but maybe worth mentioning. When you have the camera daylight balanced, why have him stick a 2700K bulb in the ceiling and screw up the color? Give him a 5500K bulb and everything looks fine.

do you have any other ideas besides a slider to represent the idea?

The length was supposed to represent these guys painful lives grinding away. (internet commercials are longer than :30) But i hear you on the length. I would love some ideas how to make this same idea in a faster way. I personally really enjoy long edits. Somehow the pain they are feeling is funny to me. For you it seems upsetting or off putting.

Last point: the 2700k light was representing something this man was good at, hence the warmth. I guess that didn't come across... haha