Rough Cut: Commercial

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DoubleIt

Well-known member
This is for a real product (Postal Vault) but is for a film class I am in where we had to team up with the advertising class and make a comercial based on their storyboard/treatment. Im not totally happy with how this turned out. There are a few sound effects missing (In particular the 'you lose' sound of a slot machine at the end) but you should be able to get the idea. I am hoping for sugestions on how to make it, well, better. I dont think it sells the product very well, and perhaps needs a voice over. It's hard getting the message across in 30 seconds!

I shot it in a little under two hours. Shooting went well (i broke two lights though, opps).

WMV format (sorry) 4.5 megs

http://www.doubleitproductions.com/pv.wmv
 
ok, watched it.....first of all, super warm. did you not care to white balance? second, i had no idea what was going on here.

when is this due? i think you can reshoot it and have it make sense. i don't know what the mailbox represented...yes, the guy was stealing mail, but what did the silver mailbox indicate? i think it needs to establish your cause more. maybe if you can tell us what the product is, we can help you out?
 
Justin_Kirch said:
ok, watched it.....first of all, super warm. did you not care to white balance? second, i had no idea what was going on here.

when is this due? i think you can reshoot it and have it make sense. i don't know what the mailbox represented...yes, the guy was stealing mail, but what did the silver mailbox indicate? i think it needs to establish your cause more. maybe if you can tell us what the product is, we can help you out?
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Yah i messed that up... i white balanced at the begining of the shoot when it was still light out and forgot to re-white balance. But i also used orange gels to have it look like a street light, but it definitly is really warm.

Its due next wednesday.

The product is called Postal Vault. It is a secure mailbox. Identiy theft is the number one growing problem among older people and the biggest source of it now is not online but your physical mail box (Or something along those lines) This product is aimed to prevent that. The ad class is targeting the 55+ market and wanted to use a gambling theme. So the silver mailbox is the actual product that is being sold.
 
so i am guessing that the 2nd mailbox is something that theifs can't get into. I agree it is way too warm. The editing is good, but I feel that there is too much cutting. theres no suspense. also, I think you need a wide shot. the shots are way too close don't really know where the area is. It would be interesting for him to run a long ways across the screen to get to the mail box. The only thing that made sense was when the words came up in the end.
 
liquidsn said:
so i am guessing that the 2nd mailbox is something that theifs can't get into. I agree it is way too warm. The editing is good, but I feel that there is too much cutting. theres no suspense. also, I think you need a wide shot. the shots are way too close don't really know where the area is. It would be interesting for him to run a long ways across the screen to get to the mail box. The only thing that made sense was when the words came up in the end.
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Right the second mailbox is the secure one (The damn thing costs $500 bucks!).

Interesting point about the lack of suspence. At first I thought i was going to go for a spy vs. spy / pink panther tone, but while editing it seemed more like a horror/slasher.

The master shot is pretty tight unfortunetly. The space we were shooting at just didnt look good in a wide shot. Too much clutter, too many cars around, etc, and I couldnt move them.

Sneaking past it then running up wouldnt be bad though. I now understand why you need to use a stop watch when doing a comercial because this is 5 seconds over and i dont know how i can get it down any more.

Im thinking about putting some sort of voice over narriation in to explain some things...
 
DoubleIt said:
Sneaking past it then running up wouldnt be bad though. I now understand why you need to use a stop watch when doing a comercial because this is 5 seconds over and i dont know how i can get it down any more.

Im thinking about putting some sort of voice over narriation in to explain some things...
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Skip the narration...that would be radio. Lose the slot machine sound effect and the guy pulling on the flags--neither of which add greatly to your message; and you'll have your five seconds back.

I'm not in the market for a $500 mailbox, but if I was, I wouldn't want to see the guy able to stick even a part of his hand in it.

I was thinking Belushi (Animal House) when the guy came out from behind the tree . . . but I liked that, and "got it" right away. The orange glow of the steet lamps on a dark night made sense (to me) as well. If you have time & resources and want to re-shoot go ahead, but I think you can save it.
 
dregenthal said:
Skip the narration...that would be radio. Lose the slot machine sound effect and the guy pulling on the flags--neither of which add greatly to your message; and you'll have your five seconds back.

I'm not in the market for a $500 mailbox, but if I was, I wouldn't want to see the guy able to stick even a part of his hand in it.

I was thinking Belushi (Animal House) when the guy came out from behind the tree . . . but I liked that, and "got it" right away. The orange glow of the steet lamps on a dark night made sense (to me) as well. If you have time & resources and want to re-shoot go ahead, but I think you can save it.
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Well we are supposed to be doing this as if it were really for an ad agency. They wanted the slot machine thing (It does make the tag line 'dont gamble with your identity' work).

I was thinking the same thing about the guy sticking has hand down and actually just re-edited it without that.

And as i said i was going for a more comical tone in the begining but thought it didnt work (Which is why he was walking like that, you 'got it' correctly).

Not sure if I will be able to reshoot or not... any sugestions on editing that could help save it?
 
overnighttolondon said:
Definitely get that slot machine losing sound you were talking about, I think it would make it more clear
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Yah im trying to find it, not having much luck but it will be in the final version for sure.
 
DoubleIt said:
(The damn thing costs $500 bucks!).
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500 DOLLAR BUCKS!


Video isn't bad. Needs work. Take everyone else's opinion into consideration, as I would say the same thing.
 
pretty good production. I think the content is kind of lame, but I'm assuming you are doing it from the ad depts boards and don't have control over content. the shoot itself, and the editing, are pretty good. could use color correction and perhaps some new insert shots, like shots that show how the mailbox works. I really wouldn't get the message if I saw this on TV- I'd be thinking 'WTF are they advertising? Is this a PSA?'
 
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