Relations - short drama

Gregory Bakay

Gregory Bakay

Carbonite Member
Hi everybody!

This short movie was created by my friends from university. I'd like to have some feedback about it - in terms of filmography, storytelling, editing, etc. and if you have any comment about the filmscore (that I was responsible for) feel free to tell me.

The links:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T89uJsvAW3c&feature=channel_page
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1_qWxCYqSE&feature=channel

And if you want to listen the songs without the movie, you can do it here:
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=956134&songID=7834460 and
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=956134&songID=7834469

Let me know what do you think about them!

Greetings:


Gregory
 
Why is this over 10 minutes long? I know you didn't do this, but a sign of someone not knowing what they're doing is lack of pacing, or the idea of pacing/timing. Seems more like they shot a lot and want to include everything they've shot.

Let's look at what happened. This guy was with this girl and it's obvious they've broken up. He mopes around for... 5 minutes? Then in the second half he goes and kills this guy and his ex, and we then find out his ex was with his best friend. Honestly, that could have all EASILY been done in 3 minutes. Maybe 5 if you really want to draw it out. I mean I was getting bored and I kept skipping forward every few seconds.

Let's break it down -

Story - well I already mentioned it. Honestly, this is just another student melodrama killing/suicide film. Really tired of those. It's brought nothing new to the table and as mentioned, the pacing is just way too slow.

Cinematography - Nothing special. A lot of handheld that was too shaky, not sure if they used a tripod at all. The tap was the only decent shot, but even that we could see the reflections of the cameraman.

Lighting - were there any lights used? Seems like they didn't bother to do anything with the lighting. Plus a lot of the day shots were to bright and sunny to be moody with the music.

Editing - Again, pacing is too slow. They need to learn to go into the editing room and just chop out huge chunks. They can't have any feelings towards cutting out something they've spent their time on. Even if you've spent loads of money, got all kinds of extras, shot on a location that took forever to get, you have to be okay with cutting it out completely in the editing room because what it comes down to is the pacing of the film.

Also it was obviously very beginner, with a lot of sloppy cross-dissolves and cuts.

Music - Now honestly, the music isn't half bad. You didn't have a great piece to work with, so it's tough to judge. To be honest, it was far too melodramatic for me, and it didn't go with the images as they were often bright and sunny with mediocre acting. Since your friends don't know how to set a mood with their work (done through editing, cinematography, lighting, acting, etc.) it seemed like you were trying to compensate by making your music ten times more melodramatic.

If they had done a good job, all you would have needed was a light touch with the music, having a touch of sadness to the over all piece.

The music is so dramatic in fact that I wouldn't have been surprised if this was a comedy piece where they purposefully went over the top with the music.

But you had some good elements there. I like how simple it was with just a few notes from the piano, and how you went along with the dripping water.
 
First of all thank you for spending your time and write such a detailed review - even if it's not a positive one.

My friends had only one hand-cam, and nothing more. No lighting, no tripod - I don't think they had any equipment besides this hand cam at all. Everyone who plaied in this short is university student without any experience of playing in a film or theater.

I don't want to responde in their name - I'll let them know your opinion and I'll send their comments if there will be any.

In case of music: personally I haven't felt the music to be too melodramatic. I tried to keep the song simple as possible although I have to admitt that this was my firs piece written fully onto piano.

I tried to go on with the scenes and express them trought the piano. I know about myself that sometimes I create music that is way to epic or grand or melodramatic as you've said. Looks like I have to be more aware of that.

Thanks again for your comments both for the film - I'll send it to my friends - and for the music!

Gregory
 
I finally managed to get and type here the reactions of the creator of this short. Here it is:

"Some of your critics are true about the project but this amateurism covers most of these mistakes and faults. I don't think that amatuer movie creators could have professional equipment, editing rooms or softwares and I gues pro lighting stuff is also impossible to have for amateurs. But criticism is criticism and I'm sorry that you didn't liked it. I hope that you can make better movies from 0 budget."

So this is his answer not mine. Any other criticism and idea could come for the project - we are happy to see any new comments for this project so feel free to check it out and express your opinion!

Greetings:

Gregory
 
so, what this guy is saying is: "I dont have lights and fancy software, how could I possibly produce a film of any worth"

Answer:
cinematography...pacing...and above all, Storytelling.

more stuff...does not make a better filmmaker. Study, Lars Von Trier
 
Hoping I was watching the right movie, I personally thought it was pretty good. I think the acting and music, for me, did a good job at dealing with the emotion involved. I found it sad. The camera may have been very shaky at times, but I can understand that. One thing that may help, if one doesn't have a tripod, is to put the camera on something flat like a stool. But sometimes that might not be possible and sometimes some shakiness can add to the scene.
 
so, what this guy is saying is: "I dont have lights and fancy software, how could I possibly produce a film of any worth"

Answer:
cinematography...pacing...and above all, Storytelling.

more stuff...does not make a better filmmaker. Study, Lars Von Trier
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I think he was pointing to the fact that amateurism means that we are not pros we make mistakes, and we had to learn a lot and improve - like studying Lars Von Trier for example. Thanks for the comment and the hints I think he'll surely study his work!

Hoping I was watching the right movie, I personally thought it was pretty good. I think the acting and music, for me, did a good job at dealing with the emotion involved. I found it sad. The camera may have been very shaky at times, but I can understand that. One thing that may help, if one doesn't have a tripod, is to put the camera on something flat like a stool. But sometimes that might not be possible and sometimes some shakiness can add to the scene.
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Thanks for your comment! We are pleased that you liked our short. And I'm happy that you've found the music suitable too and did a good job! Also thanks for the hint about the cam but we're going to have a tipod soos so this problem will be solved!
 
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