Ramjet Films presents "Re-Birth"

Well, I'm glad I logged back on when I did. I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long Larry.

I shared some of my initial impressions that will be followed by more specific and in depth notes on the script with Larry just a few moments ago.

In a nutshell. As expected he has added a nice level of maturity to the structure of the story as a whole. As far as where he took the script, the structure, and the storyline in general. I was highly impressed, and I think he almost nailed it. He is right in the ballpark anyways. And he took some of my ideas that I couldn't make clear, made them his own, and elevated them. I feel like a giant leap has been taken in terms of meatiness of the overall storyline and structure. The story will elevate the situations and the dialogue without much help (in my opinion).

In terms of dialogue - that is one place that I have expressed a desire to refine. While the dialogue gets across the point, it doesn't come across to me in the more naturalistic style that I hear it. The situation is kind of extreme as it is, but I want the delivery of the story to be the opposite of that. And leaning much more to the subtle.

In short (for real this time), as a first draft I am very grateful to have it as it was delivered. I am grateful for Larry agreeing to write this thing for me, and I feel confident in the fact that we can quickly get the script to a point that I am ready to take it and start working.

:thumbsup:

Jason
 
From Jason's comments I feel I managed to write something that tells the story he wanted told. I'm glad about that, as that is the toughest part. Now it's just icing on the cake :)

As I mentioned in the BROKEN SHADOWS thread, I had some trouble with my muse the last couple days...but I forced myself to get out a draft of RE-BIRTH yesterday and I think mid-way through the muse started to awaken. So I have confidence that I can get a strong draft completed today.

Then, hopefully, it will just be minor tweaks next week and then on to pre-production :)
 
Ok. I sent my "in-depth" notes ahead to Larry a few moments ago. I hope he can understand them. I tend to be to wordy and not very descriptive :)

Anyways, I am getting quite excited and am looking forward to seeing some feedback from Larry and the next draft!

Yippee kai yay. away we go.
Jason
 
Nice, just sent draft 2 off to Jason
emote_woo.gif
Hopefully it addressed the items he wanted changed from draft 1.
 
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Well, I just read draft #2.
I sent some notes back to Larry. It was mostly nit picky. I am grateful to you (Larry) for your help in this. Larry has really excited me again about this project with what he has delivered. And as I told him earlier, he has re-invigorated my emotional pallette in terms of thinking about this story. I had killed it by trying to write it.
I think another small revision and I am going to have something nice in my hands that I can really run with. Then maybe some notes back and forth, here and there. From there, whether I turn it into a piece of crap or not, remains to be seen :)

Thanks Larry for your hard work!
Jason
 
Yes, I think we really are. I'm really excited about this script and hope everyone likes the story when the film's done.

Ok, draft 3 is now in the can...just waiting on notes :) In the meantime, back to BROKEN SHADOWS!!
 
Hey Larry, got a little trigger-happy with that "submit" button! Or are you working on your post count! :)

BTW - good news about the latest draft!
 
HA HA...had a little trouble with the connection right when I tried to submit. I guess all those times I hit submit and thought nothing happened, I was wrong :D
 
He heh. I've done it myself. The weird thing is, sometimes I'll be typing and the submit button will be clicking itself. Then I end up with 5 messages of like one word at a time.

Anyways. Here's the update. I planned to have my notes back to Larry shortly after the 3rd draft was sent to me. But I got sidetracked at work with work! Go figure. Actually I had to train somebody on the board. Anyways, so I am now working on those notes. They aren't too many. Larry has done a great job with the script. There are just two places off the top of my head that are a little muddy, so I want to discuss them with Larry. Other than that, it's looking real nice. There are some real nice moments in there. I just hope I am able to do them justice.
Ok.
Jason
 
New tagline and synopsis added courtesy Larry_R (Larry Rutledge)

Tagline: Dis-Membered by hate. Re-Membered by love. Re-Born through forgiveness.

Synopsis:"RE-BIRTH" is a look into the heart of despair. His family is taken from him, and Eric is suddenly faced with how to put his life back together, or if he even wants to. When he is brought face to face with the man responsible for dismembering his life, will he remember how to be the man his family loved? Will he destroy what's left of his life? Or will he find purpose, and be truly Re-Born?


I sent my notes ahead to Larry on draft 3. Even though I think we are getting real close, somehow my notes were more extensive than prior ones??? He' gonna kill me.

Jason
 
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hey,

just stopping by to say I'm looking forward to your film. (actually, I'm looking forward to all of them - I just can't wait to see them!)

good luck; hope you're doing well . . .

P
 
Hey, thanks preston.

UPDATE: I received draft 4 from Larry. I gave it one read through and then quickly responded with my initial impressions. I will read it again here in a little while and send my 2nd set of notes back.

I will say that this draft really helped to clear up some problems with the layout and a couple of things that we agreed didn't quite make sense. That is very encouraging. Yesterday I think we may have moved a half a step closer. With this draft, I think we just moved two steps closer. My initial impressions, were that I was quite pleased. I'm still trying to decide how I feel about a couple of things script wise. I will do that here on my next read thru.

I am slightly concerned about the length of the script as a whole. But, I'm not sure how all of the pacing is going to play out yet. There is a fair amount of description in the script, so... Some of it I think will zip by faster than a page a minute. Other parts could take two minutes per page. I'm just not sure yet. I need to do some investigation into that.

That's all for now.
Jason
 
Hey Jason,

First of all, you've got a birthday boy on your thread here.... Happy Birthday Preston!

Now for you, man.... That sounds incredible!!! I love your tagline and synopsis!

Wow! I am so thrilled that I was able to see the "Original" story idea and to hear how it has grown. I am so excited for you.

As far as the script.... as long as it is under 15 pages, you'll be fine! (or at least I hope so for my sake!!! :grin: )

Keep it up and Keep it coming!

Ted

PS - Nice work here Larry!
 
Thanks Ted. Happy B-Day Preston. I'll be over at your thread in a moment.

We are looking at 10 solid pages right now, so I am not deadly concerned. I just need to figure out the pacing in my head and see how feasible the 6 min. marker is without drastic cuts.

And, yes. Larry is doing wonderful work. I wouldn't be able to do this without him. I just hope I do justice to the script when we do get to that "FInal Draft" point. Which, I think will be pretty soon.

Jason
 
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