Please comment on my footage

D

Derrick_SA

Veteran
Hi there,

Ok now it is my turn, I have said good and bad things about other peoples work.

Now it's my turn.

This is the :45 second intro to a 10 minute short I am making.
This one is called "Ticket".

It's not in this file, but after this intro has played it cuts to a person getting dressed (He has is pants, shirt, and socks on).

Please be easy on me, and say the positive (if there is), and the negative (I guess there is no nice why to say it's crap?) in a constructive manner as I have commented on other projects.

www.malagold.co.za/Ticket_Intro.wmv (2.7MB version)
www.malagold.co.za/Ticket_Intro_12MB.wmv (12MB version)

or

www.malagold.co.za/Ticket_Intro.mp4 (2.9MB version)
(has Sorenson Squeeze 4 watermark since I don't own it yet. But you can still see what's up).

Thanks!
 
Hey, Like the color and the little kid is cute. This feels like a montage for me, but each shot seems too long. Filmmakers did the same thing back in like 1905, they waited until the entire action was complete (eg. waiting for the family to walk all the way across the screen) before cutting, or in your case, dissolving to the next shot. It may be a long walk to the destination, but don't make it feel that way for the audience, that's why a montage works, it condenses time.

Secondly, the shot of the lady in the beginning with the pole in front of her face, I for one love interpolated objects, but that pole seems to really be intrusive.
 
Thank you,

I Shot at 25P (PAL), and then in Premiere had to deinterlace the footage so that I don't get flicker when doing slow mo.

thanks,
Derrick
 
Honestly didn't feel like a film at all, more like a low budget commercial for a big brother organization. Very slow and soft.
 
I think the imagery is very good, and has a great feel to it. maybe the last shot was a little long, but I think it depends what you are using it for. What is your movie about? For some reason I'm imagining this being a memory of good times, and whatever it fades to being like a reality check and a little darker...but maybe thats just because I've been watching smashing pumpkins music videos all day. Anyways I like it, but I'm probably the least skilled person here...so I don't know if I would listen to me.
 
Thanks for the comments, and honesty.

The last scene feels long, but there is going to be a text overlay (logo) with the name "Ticket" displaying close to the end, and I was thinking that would balance it, will have to see.

The DVD is about needing a ticket, there is two storylines.

The first storyline is unspoken, which is the footage used in the intro, and then later some footage on the merry-go-rounds.

And the spoken story. which starts right after the intro is someone in his room getting dress to go out (also needing a ticket).

Then the unspoken story plays sort of like B-Roll footage inbetween the spoken story.

the whole thing is about 10min long.

Thanks again, and please keep the honest (good and bad) comments coming.

- Derrick
 
Derrick
I think the whole thing felt a little slow and wistful. With images and music like this it would make a great ad for breast cancer or some other spot where a Mother has died. It feels like a nice intermit study about a Dad and his kids.
 
Pipe, I don't think I entirely understand what you mean.

I was wanting to create a slow feel intro, but maybe in the context of the project it works.

I will definetly test your comment when I have the rough cut of the entire thing.

Thanks,
Derrick
 
Liked the look

Liked the look

I like the color correction and overall look of your short. You also had some very nice compositions. Did you use MB or did you CC in Premiere only? What were your base settings?
 
very good one, obviusly mr. blonde, its just footage, not yet the film... I realy liked colors
 
I CC'd in Premiere, I adjusted the white balance a bit (was a bit off), and then gave in a n S-Curve levels. That's about it, I have played with MB with some black diffusion, but decided to can it.

The upload only has the top steps.
 
Nice color correction indeed. But, as said before the last two shots are too long unless there're some credits or something.
Also, in the very first shot there's something wrong with a young woman's face. It looks like there's a slow dissolve between the next few frames (look for the ghosty effect on her face).
2nd shot - the pole is completely blocking the person selling the tickets, and she's also underlit. The next shot features some golden round thingy, and it is shot in a manner than makes me wonder about its significance. If it is there, it must be for a reason. I think there isn't one here though, right? You should've shot from a different angle then.
Constructive critism! :) Of course it's probably not your 100th film, and most of mine are lit wrong here and there too. But at least it's good to know where you could've done a better job, had you time or money to do it.

Also, sorry for my bad habit of posting and then editing the post 3 or 4 times. :).
 
Thanks Dmitry, appreciate your honesty, I'm going to sleep now, but will look at your comment in detail 2morrow.

Thanks,
Derrick
 
Pipe said:
Derrick
I think the whole thing felt a little slow and wistful. With images and music like this it would make a great ad for breast cancer or some other spot where a Mother has died. It feels like a nice intermit study about a Dad and his kids.
Click to expand...

Sorry me too. I was waiting for an insurance strap.
J.P.
 
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