Parents ? Question regarding children

J.R. Hudson

J.R. Hudson

Spirit Animal
My son will be 6 in April. Now, I know that he is 'bigger' and 'wiser' than I want to give him credit for but here is the dilemma

We live on a sloping Cul De Sac. Typical Souterhn California neighborhood; not very personable and don;t really know anyone.

Our negihbors nextdoors may be the biggest assholes on the planet (No really), the ones below us we do not know, at the bottom wee have 'partied' a few times but they are a bit on the 'wild' side for any real chill and across the street are some folks that seem nice enough (Although not at all anything remorely in common) and their 5 1/2 year old just happens to be on our sons TBALL team....

In the 3 years we have lived here; this is just the way it is. It is CALIFORNIA.

Now, here's the deal..............................

These nighbors across the street let their 5 1/2 year cruise around without any supervison. They'll be in their house while this kid goes down to the other kids house and stays for hours; these neghbors end up haveing to feed this kid lunch and basically supervise him until the parents finally come own or they walk the kid up...

This kid has started knocking on our door (4 Million times an hour) and wanting to 'play' with Jared (our son)

I am not going to just let my kid 'go out and play' without any supervision. Which is what the heart of this thread is about. Am I being weird about this (Over protective?). He is 6 in April but that doesnt mean he can just 'go play' without me knowing where he's at.

Me going out there and more or less watching the kids or having this kid come into our house for hours is not the heart of the issue

The heart is:

Am I being too protective to not let my (6 in April) child go out and screw around without anyone watching him ?

(What I did or my wife did in the 70's is not in comaprison; times have a changed)
 
John, California or not, you are being exactly right about your level of protectiveness over your son. Times have changed, and not for the better, as we all know. You keep your son safe, and protected, and supervised. You will know when he is ready to have a longer leash, so to speak. And even then, you watch, albeit from a greater distance.

Five years is sooooo young...no matter how wise you believe him to be. He has the ability to recall only about a year or two (tops) of his own history. You gotta be ther to guide him along until he has a deeper well to pull from on his own, for decisions.

Terri
 
heck i'm not a parent and i think you're right john. i watched over my 4 year old nephew over the summer and i wouldn't let him out of my site not even for a second cause i feel he's too young. i agree totally with your protectivness.
 
You aren't being over protective. My father didn't let me go into anybodies house even when I was 10. When I was younger I didn't understand but know I realize that there are some crazy people in the world that prey on children and he was keeping me safe.
 
SilverWolf said:
You aren't being over protective. My father didn't let me go into anybodies house even when I was 10. When I was younger I didn't understand but know I realize that there are some crazy people in the world that prey on children and he was keeping me safe.
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WOW! 10? really? That seems a bit much if you ask me.

But 5-6...John I've worked with kids this age for the last two years and let me tell you.: 5 and 6 is a golden age, they need to be around other kids and play, they are going through a serious amount of development and it is extremely important they have other kids to be around.

However, they MUST be supervised. 5-6 is a KID. They do crazy things. They are still super trusting, naieve and flat out careless at this age.

You simply have to find the time to let your kid play with other kids and if there are no ther parents willing to put in the effort to supervise properly, it's gunna have to be you.

That means a lot of sacrifice. but he's your kid and probably worth it.

Also, since I'm throwing around my 2 cents everywhere, go and meet your neighbours. Get a relationship with them and determine who is safe for your kid to go to for help if he ever needs to.

-rook
 
thartley said:
HA! My daughter will be 18 this year, and I still short leash her. :)
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18 year old daughter.

Dude. I'm so sorry for you. Really.

move to the woods, away from civilization.

-rook
 
too many freaks floating around. i think you are totally right to be protective. go with that instinct.
 
I didn't mean that I never left the house and didn't visit anybody until I was ten. What I meant was that I didn't go over peoples houses that my father didn't personally know. So for instance I wouldn't meet a friend or something and then go chill over his house.
 
rook said:
18 year old daughter.

Dude. I'm so sorry for you. Really.

move to the woods, away from civilization.

-rook
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haha!!! I would, but she wont let me go. I think she shortleashes me more than the other way around. She thinks she is my protector. :)

She did NOT approve of my previous avatar, btw. haha!!!

But yeah, kids DO need to be around other kids, but in the right circumstances so that the idea of "normal", "safe" and "careful" are not skewed in his brain. His foundation that you have worked all this time to create for him, his frame of reference, will begin to be challenged when his peer socialization increases. He will see what other kids are doing and compare it to what he is allowed to do, and it doesnt always seem right to the wee ones. If your neighbor kid can run amuk with no adult around who cares if he is safe or not, it sends the wrong idea of what is okay, to your son.
 
thartley said:
But yeah, kids DO need to be around other kids
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Just remember that when dBoz shows up on your porch with a bouquet of flowers, courting your young daughter. :love4:

:grin:
 
TC said:
Just remember that when dBoz shows up on your porch with a bouquet of flowers, courting your young daughter. :love4:

:grin:
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She could take him! heh!

I sometimes wonder if she isnt the reason I am still single. but that is another thread ENTIRELY.

John- You are doing right by your son. :)
 
Hey John,

Have a 12 an 18 y-o, I feel your pain :happy:

I agree with your protectiveness... My daughter turned 12 this past year and this year was the FIRST year she went trick-or-treating without me and dad (or someone's parents) tagging along behind.

There is a balance you can find. They can be "unsupervised" in the back yard -- and I don't mean totally unsupervised, but the rule is, stay in the yard... and you and mom can keep an eye on them from the back porch or back room facing the yard. There's a certain amount of independence that's becoming important, so it's good if you're not up their butt all the time, but I AGREE that I would NEVER let a 6 (or 7, 8, 9 etc.) year-old gallavant around the neighborhood alone.

And yes, times have changed. I was walking to the deli by myself by age 7 and 8 in the 70's, but I don't even let my daughter do it at 12 (not to mention she'd have to cross a major semi-highway to get there) -- though lots of parents in this neighborhood do it. I'm sorry, when 13 and 14 year-olds are getting abducted and killed, I think it's in my kid's best interest not to have her wandering the neighborhood unsupervised. And don't even GET me started on internet safety ;)

It's tough to find that balance where they can grow to make wise choices on their own, independent of mom and dad... but ya know, they also have to be safe enough to grow up at all.

BTW, when meal time comes around I would send this girl home. Once in a while invite her to stay, but overall, when it's time for lunch tell her "okay, it's lunch time, so you need to go home and have lunch and when Jared is done he will call you / or / you can come back in an hour."

Don't set precidents that it's okay for her to just overstay her welcome because her parents don't give a crap where she is. If you're not getting the point across to the little girl, or if she comes back in an hour and she's hungry and hasn't eaten, I'd make a point to even call her parents and say "I'm sending her home for lunch now."
 
Thank you everyone for the replies; we feel better already. We were questioning our own parenting with this dilemma

I too in the 70's ran around more or less unprotected (This is mainly due to my mom not giving flying ****; she was a hippy) and my wife did the same but her neighborhood was compriosed of the classic ALL AMERICAN hood where everyone knew everyone.....

---

I am sitting here wondering how these people let their kid just bail. Yesterday, our son walked across the street wit hthis kid and his dad (We were standing right there 'eagle eye' style and the dad saiud 'It's okay; we'll watch them for a little bit!' and we sat there chatting (my wife and I).

But then the dad comes out from the backyard and resumes his front yard stuff..

I'm sitting there going 'Who's watching the kids ?' I walk over and intoi the backyard and sure enough: NO ONE IS

--
 
I'm way with you John, I was running around wild as a kid and man did I pay for it.. years of thinking life was just a party (starting at age 10!)

My 15 year old daughter is just now moving about unattended! And the younger boys (ages 6-12) all use walkie talkies so we can stay in touch with them in the house when they boogie around the neighborhood on their bikes! The six year old does not go anywhere without the older boys or an adult.

Theories abound but I'm erring on the side of caution because I know definitively what the "relaxed" approach did to me and my friends, smoking at 10 was not too cool!
 
the ammount of ****ing pedophiles running around gives every parent the reason to be protective. my little girl is only 6 months and i can only imagine what you parents go through when they get old enough to wander.

some old ****er walked up to me the other day and jokinly asked if 'i wanted to sell her'.. all wrapped up in a complement of course. but.. i tell you.. instinct kicks in.. the claws came out.

im sure it gets harder and harder. the amount of **** head freaks trolling the interned boards is scary. this is also a place you need to keep an eye on them.
 
And besides, this happens way too fast:


laurie10zw.jpg




laurie26vz.jpg




:(
 
Nice pics thartley -- it's amazing, exciting and terrifying all at once, isn't it? My stepson goes off to college next year and got his license and first car recently... I'm so proud of him, but frightened at the same time!
 
Mine'll be 5 and 3 respectively soon.

I agree that the times, they have a' changed to an infinite degree since a wee Callaghan was roaming around his neighborhood domain unfettered.

I'm with you, John...I'll be all over them 'till they are at least ten, or maybe even eleven.
 
Man, thartley, you're scaring me. My daughter is two, and I feel like I'm going to blink and I'll suddenly be walking her down the aisle.

John, I think you are totally justified in protecting your son. Like you said about your wife's childhood, if it were an "All-American" neighborhood where everyone knew each other, it would be cool. It's just too crazy nowadays to take any chances. I don't know about you, but the one sure-fire way to piss me off is to tell me how to raise my kid. So, you do what you feel is right.

No matter how hard we try to correct the mistakes our parents made on us, we'll end up screwing them up some other way.:)
 
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