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RodThompson

RodThompson

Veteran
Tagline: Every contract has a loophole...even the Devil's.

This is also going to be my TwilightFest entry.

EDIT: Damn it all!!! I just scanned through my entry and towards the end, and once in the beginning...there are errors....OH THE SHAME! I messed up the Lord's prayer!!! Am I going to Hell for that?
 
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Just got done reading this one. Well done on the drama of it all.

I was gonna bring up the errors in the Lord's Prayer, but you already found that, so that's done with.

The only thing didn't seem to mesh was the character of Satan. He seemed to have too many different emotions. I guess maybe I was expecting him to have a different kind of attitude at different places and he didn't. I thought at the very end instead of him laughing and clapping and acting happy, he'd be more quiet and angry because he was beaten. I still like the idea of him clapping, but in a more quiet and sarcastic manner, hiding his true anger that he was defeated again.

Another thing is when we see Satan again in the bar all those years later, he looks totally different, as does Rice. How are we supposed to know it's them? Maybe give Satan some kind of marker, like a ring that he's wearing that we see in both time periods, or a certain way that his eyes glow for an instant. Just something to let the audience know that it's still him.

Very interesting read!
 
I was just talking to our costume designer about that in an email...a token or trinket that Satan carries with him. In the film, it will be clear that they are the same actors.

Satan's attitude is somewhat of a melody of emotion, as I want to give him the appearance of never being static, constantly changing, and always whimsical. He's a deceivver, thus his emotions never truly portray what he's thinking. The end clapping is more of a way for him to vent his anger, while still applauding [spoiler]a brain-splattered bar[/spoiler].

Thanks for the feedback, and once again I apologize to the Divine for the prayer foul-up.
 
I really enjoyed this and liked the characters. I thought your Satan was excellent and I enjoyed his reactions and the dialogue between him and Rice.

The end was great. I got a good visual of Satan, clapping and laughing in the midst of the gore and horrified people.

I'm definitely looking forward to seeing it after its produced.
 
gaaaah, why'd you go over the limit?

not gonna lie, though, there are some parts of the original version I prefer over this one. it's been awhile, and I've only read this version once, but that's what I remember.

Love it, though. I do love this script.
 
Loved it! Didn't even realize that it was over the limit until I read the post above.
I saw the ending coming before it occurred but it didn't matter.

The writing was excellent and I bought into every line.

Great work!

Mike
 
You went over the limit?! Didn't bother me none, thought it was well played script, nice character work, especially with Satan. Great ending, a bit expected, but it worked. Nice job and keep it up.
 
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