SHORT: Off Target | Secret Agent Comedy Film
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jghenderson
Well-known member
I thought it was fun. I enjoyed the banter between the agent and his headquarters. Also you kept it to a good short amount of time, so it never dragged.
Biggest thing I disliked was I kind of wish the beginning had more of an introduction. Perhaps of the agent spying on the guy, then calling into headquarters. It all just starts very suddenly.
Nice work!
Biggest thing I disliked was I kind of wish the beginning had more of an introduction. Perhaps of the agent spying on the guy, then calling into headquarters. It all just starts very suddenly.
Nice work!
Chris Adler
Veteran
I think it was pretty well done, but I personally didn't find the story satisfying or particularly entertaining as a whole.
nycineaste
Well-known member
I liked it, I think it should've taken place in a city. Or at least on a suburban sidewalk, since the action of the story involves walking, someone discovering someone else by walking, etc. Park not as good. Yes, ppl do walk in the park, I know.
I know we all struggle with locations on no budget, but whenever you tell a story, think about the environment and ask yourself if you can tell the story in a better place more appropriate to it, and of course as Im sure wea ll do, try to write stories to locations you have, but really focus on writing stuff that IDEALLY could only take place in that location so the location doesnt become just a backdrop but a real organic part of tehe story
for example, ppl always complain about short movies shot in ppls apartments
but truth is if you tell a story about sleeping or sex you can shoot in your bedroom, and if you tell a story where the action involves eating or cooking (a horror movie where someone poisons their mate while cooking?), then your kitchen or dining room is the place!
its kind of a lil secret for using no-budget locations well, buts its also good basic storytellling
a park wouldve been be good if the dude was jogging.
come to think:
he shoulda been joggin!!! Not just actually jogging, but I mean put him in jogging sweats, headband, sneakers, and headphones etc. Woudla made it even funnier when he gets tackled and funny/ironic when he ends the story running for his life.
see how tying together the envrionment and action improves things?
yeah its a minor point, but woulda improved the movie alot I think.
otherwise I dig it
I know we all struggle with locations on no budget, but whenever you tell a story, think about the environment and ask yourself if you can tell the story in a better place more appropriate to it, and of course as Im sure wea ll do, try to write stories to locations you have, but really focus on writing stuff that IDEALLY could only take place in that location so the location doesnt become just a backdrop but a real organic part of tehe story
for example, ppl always complain about short movies shot in ppls apartments
but truth is if you tell a story about sleeping or sex you can shoot in your bedroom, and if you tell a story where the action involves eating or cooking (a horror movie where someone poisons their mate while cooking?), then your kitchen or dining room is the place!
its kind of a lil secret for using no-budget locations well, buts its also good basic storytellling
a park wouldve been be good if the dude was jogging.
come to think:
he shoulda been joggin!!! Not just actually jogging, but I mean put him in jogging sweats, headband, sneakers, and headphones etc. Woudla made it even funnier when he gets tackled and funny/ironic when he ends the story running for his life.
see how tying together the envrionment and action improves things?
yeah its a minor point, but woulda improved the movie alot I think.
otherwise I dig it
Last edited:
A jogger would have made much more sense. I should have sent you the script before filming, haha
Thanks for all the great feedback guys
harcourt22
Member
Overall I really only mildly enjoyed this. If more time had been spent polishing the dialogue and landing one solid, side-splitting joke it would have been funnier. For such a short time span it was good, but again at least one good joke would have been good.