Newest Spec Commercial

They're very good, except they felt a bit off.

I mean don't get me wrong, they're well shot, and they're great ideas, but for example, the first one just fell flat with the joke. I don't think it was the joke itself, but more the timing of the joke. I saw it coming a mile away and when it came it just took too long. Maybe if the commercial, especially near the end as soon as they see the truck, is cut down. Perhaps a series of jump cuts to show us them going into the truck and the girls closing it. Then the final line fell a bit flat as well "I've got my keychain" was just a weird thing to say and threw me off. The last line was just too much of a set up, because why would he say "I've got my key chain" to unlock the door, which is the whole point of the set-up? He would have said "I've got my keys." But even then, why would he have the keys to this random truck?

Also there were two lines that I had to go over and I had no clue what they had said. Something about "the man says the whole two to three at once?" What's that mean? I'm assuming it's the cage that can catch three in one, which kind of gave away the punch line. Then the girl buts between them and says something that I still couldn't make out. "You guys should thaw"? What does that mean?

The lego ones as well. Great ideas and concepts, but the lines at the end fell a bit flat again. The second lego commercial felt like it should have ended with the punch line that these are legos rather than the real eifel tower, not the "architech" line. It just felt like it was dragging at this point.

The final commercial was good. Felt very natural and nothing bugged me about it, though the first lines could have been a bit clearer as to what they were talking about. Would have thought it was an actual commercial for the product.
 
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Hey Jon,

Thanks for taking your time to give me feedback. I won't make any excuses.

I will ponder what you just said. And then return to it after not seeing if for a while.

I will take that into my next project.

thanks
jun
 
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