New TV spot

this spot hurts my brain.
i find SO many things wrong with this from a creative director standpoint:

1. why is the girl coming in through the emergency exit?
2. the girls are overly skankilly dressed - these are supposed to be "hot" chicks - NOT PROSTITUTES
3. the girls were miscast. see above
4. the text treatment is totally hacky
5. dont go BEHIND the bar with the camera. nobody wants to see that.
6. axis issues all around
7. what "bar" (as this "bar" is presented) serves chips and salsa in the first place?
- the entire setting is wrong...

youre shooting for a funny spot. but for funny to work (in this respect) there has to be a thread of reality to it for it to take hold...

FAIL
 
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coreworld said:
Funny comercial but worst song ever.
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Yeah, not everyone's a Nickelback fan, lol. Thanks for watching.

wgzn said:
this spot hurts my brain.
i find SO many things wrong with this from a creative director standpoint:

1. why is the girl coming in through the emergency exit?
2. the girls are overly skankilly dressed - these are supposed to be "hot" chicks - NOT PROSTITUTES
3. the girls were miscast. see above
4. the text treatment is totally hacky
5. dont go BEHIND the bar with the camera. nobody wants to see that.
6. axis issues all around
7. what "bar" (as this "bar" is presented) serves chips and salsa in the first place?
- the entire setting is wrong...

youre shooting for a funny spot. but for funny to work (in this respect) there has to be a thread of reality to it for it to take hold...

FAIL
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A little harsh, but thanks for the feedback anyway. Your framing your response to ask me questions, so I'll respond. The emergency exit is actually being taken out as we speak...forgot to mention that. As far as the prostitutes, I think that's subjective and I don't agree with them looking like that, haha. Define hacky - never heard of that. Axis issues...I think you mean the "180 degree rule," please show me which shots violate the rule. #7: The funny part of this response is that you're from Texas!! The final part with "FAIL" is just plain tacky my friend. I'm not interested in insults, just feedback.
 
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Good job. I thought it was very well done. Funny and risque
(but still family-friendly). You got some really nice images from
the HVX with Letus Ultimate. Congrats.

If I could make any constructive comments, it would be that the
commercial could be much shorter. A tight 30-second version
could be more effective. Here's what I'd do

- Tighten up the entrance. If you eliminate the front slow-mo shot
of the girl (but keep the butt shot) it makes for a nice reveal later.

- Cut the guys reaction shot. The close up "salsa" guys reaction is
better and sells the point that this girl is hot.

- Use only one shot per joke (girl chugs beer, close up girl drowned
with bar sprayer, close up of girl eating ice). Better comedic pacing.

- Cut out guys "cough" reaction shots and cut her mascara shot.
After the jokes, she runs directly out the door. I think the more
abrupt her reactions (like chugging the beer) the funnier it is.

- When the new girl walks in, you could again eliminate the three
guys at the bar's reaction (at least one of them) and cut directly
to the Salsa guy covering it with the napkin (I love that bit).

Of course, you might have thought of this already and have two
versions of the ad :)

I hope you find this constructive. Again, I think you did a great
job. As an editor and comedian I'm always looking for ways to
tighten a joke or sketch. Shorter, more often than not, is funnier.

Hmm... By my own definition then, this post would not be funny at all.

Peter
 
Me Myself & I said:
Good job. I thought it was very well done. Funny and risque
(but still family-friendly). You got some really nice images from
the HVX with Letus Ultimate. Congrats.

If I could make any constructive comments, it would be that the
commercial could be much shorter. A tight 30-second version
could be more effective. Here's what I'd do

- Tighten up the entrance. If you eliminate the front slow-mo shot
of the girl (but keep the butt shot) it makes for a nice reveal later.

- Cut the guys reaction shot. The close up "salsa" guys reaction is
better and sells the point that this girl is hot.

- Use only one shot per joke (girl chugs beer, close up girl drowned
with bar sprayer, close up of girl eating ice). Better comedic pacing.

- Cut out guys "cough" reaction shots and cut her mascara shot.
After the jokes, she runs directly out the door. I think the more
abrupt her reactions (like chugging the beer) the funnier it is.

- When the new girl walks in, you could again eliminate the three
guys at the bar's reaction (at least one of them) and cut directly
to the Salsa guy covering it with the napkin (I love that bit).

Of course, you might have thought of this already and have two
versions of the ad :)

I hope you find this constructive. Again, I think you did a great
job. As an editor and comedian I'm always looking for ways to
tighten a joke or sketch. Shorter, more often than not, is funnier.

Hmm... By my own definition then, this post would not be funny at all.

Peter
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That's awesome feedback. I will make a 30 second cut with your suggestions. I agree with you on these...especially cutting the shots of her reacting to the salsa and then running out the door. Thanks Peter!
 
i see stuff on this board that's 10 times worse than this... this commercial isn't even bad... i have no idea where wgzn comes off... i'd love to see some of his work...
 
Texas Jones said:
That's awesome feedback. I will make a 30 second cut with your suggestions. I agree with you on these...especially cutting the shots of her reacting to the salsa and then running out the door. Thanks Peter!
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Glad to help. Look forward to seeing the 30-second version.

Peter
 
Not a huge thing, but if it's a professional website, you used the wrong version of 'reign' in your blog, you spelled it 'rain'.

Thought the spot was funny, agree that the song might be a hair strong for a food sold at wall-mart, but if that's the edge they're looking for, cool.
 
Kellar42 said:
Not a huge thing, but if it's a professional website, you used the wrong version of 'reign' in your blog, you spelled it 'rain'.

Thought the spot was funny, agree that the song might be a hair strong for a food sold at wall-mart, but if that's the edge they're looking for, cool.
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Fixed the error - oops. Thanks for pointing that out. The spot is going to be used for viral purposes...mainly social networks, so I guess it's right for that. If they want TV we'll probably do a completely different spot.

apologies if my review was too harsh. sorry, it's just the way i feel about the spot
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Well...you didn't post a review. Me Myself & I posted a review with helpful feedback and it was very appreciated. You, however, chose to post insults. No need to post to my threads any further. Thanks!
 
Me Myself & I said:
If I could make any constructive comments, it would be that the
commercial could be much shorter. A tight 30-second version
could be more effective. Here's what I'd do...
Click to expand...

+1 for everything in that post. We just see way too much in this spot as is. Nicely shot, but you need to leave a lot more on the cutting room floor.


Well...you didn't post a review. Me Myself & I posted a review with helpful feedback and it was very appreciated. You, however, chose to post insults. No need to post to my threads any further.
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Let's all play nice... wgzn's comments are tame compared to some producer's notes I've seen.
 
wgzn said:
2. the girls are overly skankilly dressed - these are supposed to be "hot" chicks - NOT PROSTITUTES
3. the girls were miscast. see above
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I wouldn't call them skanky (when I think skanky, I think crack addict or grossly overweight dressed like this)... they could have been dressed a bit more modestly without detriment to the spot. The low angle shot of the women in blue walking up to the bar showed butt cheek below the dress line... and personally that is just a bit gratuitous, which may not really fly too much on broadcast TV. There's a line between looking dang good and gratuitously looking like a bimbo.

Other than that, I don't think it was bad by any stretch (I grew up listening to the Vancouver, B.C. rock station Nickleback got their start on, so they actually don't bother me). I do agree with Me, Myself, and I's comment on pacing... couple of shots could have been eliminated without detriment.
 
No need to post to my threads any further.
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geez! some folks sure are sensitive. if youre going to post your work in a public forum you need to be ready for the feedback - both good and the bad.

i didnt like it. i think there were so many oversights, poor planning and post mistakes that it overshadowed whatever good that may have been there. but thats just my opinion and people may or may not agree with me.

but let me explain my thoughts as i dont want you to think im just
being an asshead for sport ; )

right outta the gate my first impression is why are guys eating chips and salsa at a bar? im a drinker and ive been in more bars than i care to remember and i cant think of ANY "bar" that served chips and salsa, unless it was the bar in a mexican food restaurant. and the place in your spot clearly wasnt. it looked like a live music or strip club.

so. here is what i would have done. i would have found a mexican food place with a bar. this would have done two things. 1. made the situation more believable and aesthetically congruent.
2. you could have rack focused across the room and made better use of your letus.

next, i'd have paid more attention to continuity:
- when the girl comes in, all three guys turn and look at her, but when she lands at the end of the bar, salsa-boy seems engrossed in the tv or something. i think it would have had more effect if he were still slack-jawed as she walked right up to him. or maybe, instead of being awe-struck, he could have cockily looked her up and down. sort of to establish the impending challenge perhaps?
- when the girl grabs the first beer/water i was with ya. that was nicely paced. but then suddenly shes on her back on the bar, and why on her back? and why THREE shots of it? then suddenly shes on her feet behind the bar. i get that you were going for "frantic" but i think that adding other quenching opportunities like snatching a pitcher of water from a waitresses tray then maybe drinking from the faucet in the ladies room would have told the story better.
- and on the subject of the ladies room. is that where she ran to? im guessing the closeup of her running makeup was supposed to be her looking in a mirror?

next lets discuss visuals and post:
1. the girl walks in and shes initially bathed in a warm glow. i get that. that was cool. but then on the upskirt shot, there is this big honkin daylight flood on her. i know you were probably trying to highlight her legs, but the way it was handled it just felt very disjointed. i would have used maybe a narrow flood. maybe a wide lens source4 with a yellow/orange gel of some sort

2. a couple of the shots of her behind the bar appeared to have a different color style to them. there seemed to be a blue soft contrast. was that a choice? if so, why?

3. the chorus/reverb on the tagline voicover. i get what you were wanting, but it just muddy's it up - i couldnt even understand the first half of the end-tag. i dont think that that particular effect really speaks to the product. it feels more "high-tech" to me. i think you could have simply managed the sonic contrast in the vocal perfomance and the end result would have been stronger.

4. the song. it may have been a dictate from the client. but it was a risky move. if this thing does go "viral" somebody's probably going to get a note from nickelbacks legal team before too long.

i really wasnt trying to be mean, i just think that the whole thing feels very self-conscious and unnatural to me. but i dont know what kinds of restraints you had on your production, so maybe im just full of crap.
 
No worries, WGZN. This last post was most helpful actually.

I fully understand that I "need to be ready for the feedback - both good and the bad." That is why I post the stuff...for feedback. I've only been doing this for the past 2 years, and just recently as my fulltime self-employment...so the feedback is helpful. You, as a professional who has been doing this for much longer (I'm assuming), should be more of a mentor than that forum guy who writes "FAIL" and "THIS MAKES MY BRAIN HURT." That isn't feedback...it's unprofessional and mean.

But thanks for rectifying with your second post. That actually helps, not just make me feel like a piece of crap. I'm going to take these comments with me on the next shoot and hopefully be able to improve with the next one. Thanks for that.

And thanks to everyone else! Oh, by the way...take a look at my other post about my music video. This is something I was director AND cinematographer on. (I was only directing the salsa spot): http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/showthread.php?t=191973
 
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