New Short film- first time director

I

IndieFilmer

Active member
here are a few parts of a short film im working on. I am the director/editor/cameraman. just looking for general critiques and advice to push me in the right direction. The first part has no dialogue because it was a practice shoot(bedroom scene) but the outside area is more than likely going to be used as is. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u15XNjI8Qb0
Be brutal i can take it. I am very ameature at this but I am very passionate, I havnt stopped writing and reading and watching anything and everything about film making in the past 2 and a half years. Now i feel like im ready to build my skills as a filmmaker and I will persist no matter what. I want to learn all I can. I have never wanted anything this much, I just want to tell a great story and entertain people. I know you can all relate.
 
What are you using? (camera, lenses, lighting, audio, etc..?)

I really like the outside shots, a little washed out in the background but nothing to bad really. The sound is also pretty good quality, and i like the stop with names on the screen looked nice, and you chose a good font that didnt look to amatuerish.

That fall at the end is really well done, was that done as part of the film? LoL, it looks so good that it looks like he just fell and you happen to catch it on camera. Either way, really nice.

keep it up, id like to see more.
 
The gear I am working with is..
DVX100b (no lenses or other enhancements)
Oktava M012 Microphone with boom pole and windscreen
Marantz PMD660 field recorder
Work lights from hardware store, two 1000watt lamps for key and fill lighting and two 100watt lamps for back lighting.
Libec LS382 Tripod
Steadicam Merlin
Editing in FCP on Macbook Pro
This is the equipment I have at my disposal, I have been accumulating it and building up my knowledge and skills with each piece by reading and doing small projects, such as fake music videos and PSAs. I finally decided I was ready to execute a real short film and direct some actors. I am going to be learning alot during my first few short films but I will hopefully have one good piece out of my first 5 attempts or so..we will see. Thanks for the comments on the editing, I am really glad you liked the font and name stop, I wasnt sure if an outside audience would think it was strange or interesting. Definitely feels good that it didnt come off as too amature. As for the guy falling, we choreographed that and he executed it well. Thanks for your feed back it is much appreciated. I will post the finished product in the next few weeks and then be on to the next piece. Cheers
 
Interesting. The beginning was a bit weird. The shot of him falling at the beginning was good, if not a bit staged, but funny. However, after he falls immediatly he grabs, I think, a cell phone and starts talking? Where'd that come from and why's he talking right away, was it ringing? Also it was difficult to tell if he was actually on a cell phone as we never saw it, and it was dragging when he was talking.

When you go to the title at the beginning, be sure to slowly fade out the music. It's too abrupt. The waking katie title is great though. I agree, great font that works well with it.

The beginning scene felt a bit slow. Also I felt it stayed a bit too long on the master two shot.

All in all I would speed it up. Also try and introduce the characters names a bit sooner. I like the classic "freeze frame an superimpose name" style, but it's gotta be used a bit better. Guess you could keep it as is, but I felt like it should have come in earlier, especially since we're introduced to the main dude a lot sooner.

So be sure to tighten it up. Good job so far.
 
ahh yes the cell phone, you're absolutely right. he is on a phone but i illustrated that very poorly. you have touched on a few other good points as well (the music fade and character intro). I do want to tighten up the outside scene and make the character introduction more interesting, i guess changing the pace by doing the freeze frame sooner will give it more energy. As far as using the freeze frame better, do you mean the situational use? or just the overall execution? thanks for sharing your thoughts, very helpful insight.
 
Execution is fine. You have the right idea, they say something that's really their character, and suddenly it introduces them, in a sort of "that's Brian for you. Oh that Brian, such a kidder" kind of way. But I mentioned it in reference to my previous point, of introducing them earlier, especially the main protagonist as we saw him in an earlier scene.
 
oh I see, ya I really wanted to save it for when the characters did something that was really "them", as you said above. But i suppose it seems strange to intro someone after such a long while. Thanks, im gonna re-cut and see what i can do.
 
Thank you for the input, im very happy the outside scene appears believable, having all the pieces fit together when you shoot with one cam feels good. Im gonna try to speed things up a bit during the final edit. im gonna finish shooting saturday so hopefully you guys can check it out in two weeks or so. thanks again
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top