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Mr._Showstoppa

Mr._Showstoppa

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I put up a work print of the film I have been working on with my DVX100a. The music isnt finalized, and some of the scenes will be altered, but as i said, it's a work print. go check it out at: http://www.morganfilms.net/films.htm

give me some feedback, I know it's an internet download, so the quality may suffer a bit, but a 15 min film has to be sized down...lol

Chris
 
I think you can have a pretty good short here with quite a bit of tightening.

There were quite a few cuts that were very jarring. Most of these occurred when the 180 line was crossed repeatedly. (This causes disorientation because both characters appear to be on the same side of the screen) When shooting a scene with two people talking, stay on one side of them, rarely cross that line unless you do so in a creative way or with movement.

There's a cut at the beginning when he is in bed which simply cuts from the same angle to a zoomed in angle which doesn't work for me either.

The montage at the end could be powerful if it was tightened.

Overall tightening, and if possible, avoidance of the jarring cuts (it's already shot so I don't know how much can be done) would help.

Nice work. The performances and the drama were not bad.
 
Chance White said:
I think you can have a pretty good short here with quite a bit of tightening.

There were quite a few cuts that were very jarring. Most of these occurred when the 180 line was crossed repeatedly. (This causes disorientation because both characters appear to be on the same side of the screen) When shooting a scene with two people talking, stay on one side of them, rarely cross that line unless you do so in a creative way or with movement.

There's a cut at the beginning when he is in bed which simply cuts from the same angle to a zoomed in angle which doesn't work for me either.

The montage at the end could be powerful if it was tightened.

Overall tightening, and if possible, avoidance of the jarring cuts (it's already shot so I don't know how much can be done) would help.

Nice work. The performances and the drama were not bad.
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Not much I can do about the 180 rule, I did kick myself in the ass about that, cause i was always the one who would yell at people, and here i am breaking it...haha.

The jarring cut you're referring to is one of the cuts already in the works to be fixed.

Which montage are you referring to? There isnt one to my knowledge, I just kept cutting back to the characters in their time of pain is all...I wanted that to be slow moving so we as the audience move slllowwwllllyyy into their pain.
 
I am always cautious when viewing these movies on the net, sometimes i don't know if the compression causes some of the problems, or if thats in the film itself. for example, the audio seemed to jump... i found myself raising and lowering the volume a bunch of times, even in the same convo going from person to person.. again, that may be me, or my system.. if not, give it a listen and raise or lower in order to make it all equal.. also the sound effects were a little loud which made them seem unrealistic... if you can, get a mic and a camera for some sound effects, slap someone, break a plate or a glass..it Can pay off in the end...

but other then that, great film... the only things i can suggest is that there were a number of close ups in the beginning... kind of like something was going to happen, puts me on edge, but nothing happens... try not to be in so tight unless its to show extreme emotion.. kind of distracting... UNLESS thats what you were going for... then all the power to you..

The cookie eating shot... although VERY interesting and creative... it made me think like that cookie was poison, why was it slow mo, and the crumbs banging... really good if it was a murder or something.. but maybe you wanted it to imply something and i missed it?

The outdoor scene with the kid... switched white balance it seemed from the entering shot to the sitting, back to the leaving. or so it seemed to me.


over all a good movie, nice story... good heart to it...
 
mikey_b said:
I am always cautious when viewing these movies on the net, sometimes i don't know if the compression causes some of the problems, or if thats in the film itself. for example, the audio seemed to jump... i found myself raising and lowering the volume a bunch of times, even in the same convo going from person to person.. again, that may be me, or my system.. if not, give it a listen and raise or lower in order to make it all equal.. also the sound effects were a little loud which made them seem unrealistic... if you can, get a mic and a camera for some sound effects, slap someone, break a plate or a glass..it Can pay off in the end...

but other then that, great film... the only things i can suggest is that there were a number of close ups in the beginning... kind of like something was going to happen, puts me on edge, but nothing happens... try not to be in so tight unless its to show extreme emotion.. kind of distracting... UNLESS thats what you were going for... then all the power to you..

The cookie eating shot... although VERY interesting and creative... it made me think like that cookie was poison, why was it slow mo, and the crumbs banging... really good if it was a murder or something.. but maybe you wanted it to imply something and i missed it?

The outdoor scene with the kid... switched white balance it seemed from the entering shot to the sitting, back to the leaving. or so it seemed to me.


over all a good movie, nice story... good heart to it...
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not a final mix on the audio bud!

Cookie scene...there is alot of symbolism throughout the film...the cookie when biting into it represents "his world is about to crumble around him." That is why it was in slow mo.

The CU shots were meant that way :)
 
First off, DONT NAME A LITTLE BOY BILLY UNLESS YOU HAVE TO OR IT'S AN INSIDE JOKE!

That being said Billy had the best performance in the movie. That cookie thing is a bit far fetched, I also thought it was poisoned, and you can't honestly expect someone to get that out of someone biting a damn cookie.

The opening scene where the guy is sitting in bed eating is pointless and waaaaaay too long, chop it down/out.

Don't say "ok" so much.

When the main character is talking to his friend and says "I dont know where my head is right now man." the friend (if he is a real friend) should have said "Up your ass."

Kung-Fu-esque sound effects from outside the house....kinda cheesy.

When Billy says "This is my bear, he keeps me safe when that goes on." and he hands it to the main character and he says "I cant take your bear billy". I wanted Billy to say "I wasn't giving you my bear motherfucker." then he snatches it back and rides away.

The fiancee of the main character didnt cry well (looked like she was about to sneeze.) and the other girlfriend refer to her child as "it" and saying "Raise it" repeatedly takes emotion away from the scene, a pregnant woman who is angry at the thought of abortion wouldnt dehumanize the baby into an object.

As far as the positive side, I think the motel room girl did a decent job crying.
 
Urine Sane said:
First off, DONT NAME A LITTLE BOY BILLY UNLESS YOU HAVE TO OR IT'S AN INSIDE JOKE!

That being said Billy had the best performance in the movie. That cookie thing is a bit far fetched, I also thought it was poisoned, and you can't honestly expect someone to get that out of someone biting a damn cookie.

The opening scene where the guy is sitting in bed eating is pointless and waaaaaay too long, chop it down/out.

Don't say "ok" so much.

When the main character is talking to his friend and says "I dont know where my head is right now man." the friend (if he is a real friend) should have said "Up your ass."

Kung-Fu-esque sound effects from outside the house....kinda cheesy.

When Billy says "This is my bear, he keeps me safe when that goes on." and he hands it to the main character and he says "I cant take your bear billy". I wanted Billy to say "I wasn't giving you my bear motherfucker." then he snatches it back and rides away.

The fiancee of the main character didnt cry well (looked like she was about to sneeze.) and the other girlfriend refer to her child as "it" and saying "Raise it" repeatedly takes emotion away from the scene, a pregnant woman who is angry at the thought of abortion wouldnt dehumanize the baby into an object.

As far as the positive side, I think the motel room girl did a decent job crying.
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wow...sorry it made you so mad...
 
hey man, I liked it

only a few things...
audio- but like you said, it's a working print. Some of the convo's fluctuated pretty badly

also, some of your lighting changes drastically when the character moves around in the same room. example: when he meets his "other" girlfriend in the motel. when he get's up to leave, the lighting changes from when he's at the mirror and at the door, and when we see the girl on the bed

and the cookie thing, ya I agree. A little far-fetched. I never would have got that his life is about to crumble from him eating a cookie.

good job
 
Who said it made me mad? Im just telling you what I thought didnt work.

Unless all you can handle is positive comments.

Then it was rainbows and teddy grahams!
 
Urine Sane said:
Who said it made me mad? Im just telling you what I thought didnt work.

Unless all you can handle is positive comments.

Then it was rainbows and teddy grahams!
Click to expand...

LOL, not at all man...it was more sarcastic than anything. I appreciate all feedback, I take what everyone says as constructive criticism. I put it out there as it is now so i can fix some of the problems. I posted the link on this site cause there are alot of filmmakers on this site than can help me make changes where needed. If I am serious on putting this into some festivals, than I needed to hear some of this stuff here first, which is an excellent thing. It's kind of being judged before I even enter it anywhere, and have time to fix the problems that are either evident that i already knew, or ones I didnt see and can fix.

Chris
 
When I referred to montage, sorry if I wasn't clear enough, but yes, I was referring to the final sequence where you 'take the audience slowly' into the pain... I think that is very close to working very well, I do feel just a bit of tightening and slightly better 'momentum' if that makes sense will really make it play.

The cookie thing... that's a little iffy. I did take it as symbolism, but at first I think the audience does get the impression that she is poisoning him... perhaps if you found a better way to convey the symbolism, like maybe showing the crumbling cookie again at the end as part of the 'montage', something like that, because otherwise I don't know how well that will play for most people.

Regarding the 180 rule, that's the sort of thing that mostly 'film people' will notice, most audiences probably won't notice it... you might be able to get away with it if you are careful.

Overall, again, I just think you need to do alot of TIGHTENING.

I also want to compliment you on the cut from the wide shot of him driving away to the tight shot of his cell phone, that was a good cut.

Good luck.
 
I had to turn it off at about 9 Minutes. It just did not hold my attention and I struggled to make it that far. Sitting through a minute of titles on a 17 minute short is painful enough unless its After Effects Glory.

I too had trouble with the Audio; fading in and out; distracting. Try Normalizing or using Envelopes to fix that. You state the Music is temporary; good. At times it works but other times it seems 'in the way'.

Some interesting comps and framing; not great but a few that work well. The rest seemed uninpired. Don't be afraid to move that camera around or choose more interesting positions and placements; seems it was stuck in a 'operator convenient' lock-down for most of the film.

Anyway; this didn't grab my attention. But hey; it's only subjective.
 
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