renegadewill
Well-known member
This is close to the final cut, so tear it apart if ya want, so I can make an attempt to improve it. Thanks Will.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As_guW-uZ48
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As_guW-uZ48
New DVX "Horror" Short!!!
- Thread starter renegadewill
- Start date
seanmcleod
Well-known member
First off the bat the shots are gorgeous... I might loose a little saturation on them to look more filmic but very well shot...
The first 2 mins before the girl shows up is pretty slow paced, doesnt grab the attention of the viewer, could be cut down to the key moments, which I assume deal with the coins (mine hung up at 3mins too) And I wouldn't use the creepy piano so early, cause it doesn't match what we're seeing, I would go with ambient music in the diner, than elevator music in the mall with more amient noise on the streets and in the mall, it sounds like it's missing something when Im watching it.
The girl is gorgeous and a really good actress from what I saw, you can usually tell right away and I think she is good, the dude is not so hot (acting wise I mean) he does okay but you can really see the difference between the two when they're together.
Sorry if I went on too long but I saw this and usually they're just kinda blah blah but I think there's definite potential in what I saw... just make it crisper and cleaner, shorter, you got a lot of great looking shots, but you dont have to include every one. Just keep moving the story along.
The sound recording of the voices was well done too... kudos on that, but I felt like it needed more BG noise to place them in the scene.
All in all great job and well made! And cheers for just getting out there and doin it... thats 3/4 of the battle right there I think.
The first 2 mins before the girl shows up is pretty slow paced, doesnt grab the attention of the viewer, could be cut down to the key moments, which I assume deal with the coins (mine hung up at 3mins too) And I wouldn't use the creepy piano so early, cause it doesn't match what we're seeing, I would go with ambient music in the diner, than elevator music in the mall with more amient noise on the streets and in the mall, it sounds like it's missing something when Im watching it.
The girl is gorgeous and a really good actress from what I saw, you can usually tell right away and I think she is good, the dude is not so hot (acting wise I mean) he does okay but you can really see the difference between the two when they're together.
Sorry if I went on too long but I saw this and usually they're just kinda blah blah but I think there's definite potential in what I saw... just make it crisper and cleaner, shorter, you got a lot of great looking shots, but you dont have to include every one. Just keep moving the story along.
The sound recording of the voices was well done too... kudos on that, but I felt like it needed more BG noise to place them in the scene.
All in all great job and well made! And cheers for just getting out there and doin it... thats 3/4 of the battle right there I think.
Rakesh Jacob
Veteran
Looks really good bro, cute girls too. Agree with Sean about begining feeling slow and about needing background/ambient sounds throughout to pull the viewer in a little bit more. Also the fight scene could use some hit sounds and closeup/inserts of the actual hits to really sell it. Over all really good job bro!
renegadewill
Well-known member
Yea, I was the dp and editor on this short, so I am working for the director. This was a stock dvx, shooting 24pa. Yo sean, thanks a lot man! being only the dp and editor, this was a huge compliment. I hate to use it as a cop out, but I don't have any control over acting, story, and what stays and goes in the final cut. The dude is pretty bad fo sho. The export settings are restrict bit rate to 3000 in h.264.
seanmcleod
Well-known member
True enough... in any case great use of DOF on the stock DVX, but as an editor your job should be to say to the director YO! this isn't catching peoples attention, and especially in the YouTube game, you got about 15-30 seconds to catch attention, and then not give them an opportunity to loose interest, the long walks should be chopped down and then your golden I would think.
Austinv
Well-known member
Good stuff Will! I always liked your stuff.
The girl seems a lot more comfortable on camera, the guy is just... He does not fit very well with her. One thing we all have to realize is that people are doing these shorts for free and sometimes you just need to find someone and make the film. Either way it works.
I find the pacing slow at the begining so cutting down the walking would work and a change in music wouldent be so bad. My only other gripe is the fight scene! You need to add some foley in there, more body hits and such. Record the sound of you hitting a punching bag or something. It feels like audio is just missing.
Overall I assume this is not the final cut, and your work is good overall so just a few minor tweeks and you have a very entertaining film.
The girl seems a lot more comfortable on camera, the guy is just... He does not fit very well with her. One thing we all have to realize is that people are doing these shorts for free and sometimes you just need to find someone and make the film. Either way it works.
I find the pacing slow at the begining so cutting down the walking would work and a change in music wouldent be so bad. My only other gripe is the fight scene! You need to add some foley in there, more body hits and such. Record the sound of you hitting a punching bag or something. It feels like audio is just missing.
Overall I assume this is not the final cut, and your work is good overall so just a few minor tweeks and you have a very entertaining film.
jambredz
Veteran
Will my man hows it goin'. First up...i luved your job on this.
Cinematography:
Very good use of light and Dark (ur style is similar to what i like and would do) Flat images are boring...but i guess useful when called for. Anyway...i like the high contrast and crushed solid blacks. I cant remember how high (cuz u said) but remind me how high the shutter was on in the tunnel scenes. Were those lights seen the only source or u enhanced them and "follow source" with other lights? The shot that u dolly in on the tunnel after the girl and guy walked off was shakey. I would have liked to seen it smoothe and nice to enhance the threatneing tunnel. The exterior shots i see u shot in a high shutter also. Personally I woudnt have use a high shutter for this as it makes it more choppy in the pans which is kool if ur going for the rapid chaotic feel. but these are normal everyday happens...guys walks ect...so i'd keep it around 1/48 to 1/60. I am aware u shoot wide open to get the shallow DOP, so get external ND filters to add to ur internal filters to knock down the light. When the lead guy got kidnapped was PERFECT to intro the high shutter effect. It was still very effective especially with the score but i was kinda used to it from the other shots (normal people wudnt notice i guess..this is just for us). LOVED the silloutte at the restaurant. The shots of the city were shakey from what i remember....like u know when u go handheld and zoom in ..the little shakes, which was enhanced by the shutter. Tripod it up next time UNLESS thats what u were going for
How was grading done? if in camera...what were ur settings?
Editing: as people have said was slow paced in the beginning and was losing interest. Its just cuz ur my "dupes" ( friend) and i know ur work i stuck out the first part. Tell the director it needs to be faster. Tunnel scenes were on point!
General: score was really good at the parts where they wanted it to be scary. Acting was very well done by the blonde...the guy wasnt good as people have said.
overall VERY well done man. u got skills to pay the bills.
ps ...very jealous of how good u get ur stuff to look online
Darren.
Cinematography:
Very good use of light and Dark (ur style is similar to what i like and would do) Flat images are boring...but i guess useful when called for. Anyway...i like the high contrast and crushed solid blacks. I cant remember how high (cuz u said) but remind me how high the shutter was on in the tunnel scenes. Were those lights seen the only source or u enhanced them and "follow source" with other lights? The shot that u dolly in on the tunnel after the girl and guy walked off was shakey. I would have liked to seen it smoothe and nice to enhance the threatneing tunnel. The exterior shots i see u shot in a high shutter also. Personally I woudnt have use a high shutter for this as it makes it more choppy in the pans which is kool if ur going for the rapid chaotic feel. but these are normal everyday happens...guys walks ect...so i'd keep it around 1/48 to 1/60. I am aware u shoot wide open to get the shallow DOP, so get external ND filters to add to ur internal filters to knock down the light. When the lead guy got kidnapped was PERFECT to intro the high shutter effect. It was still very effective especially with the score but i was kinda used to it from the other shots (normal people wudnt notice i guess..this is just for us). LOVED the silloutte at the restaurant. The shots of the city were shakey from what i remember....like u know when u go handheld and zoom in ..the little shakes, which was enhanced by the shutter. Tripod it up next time UNLESS thats what u were going for
How was grading done? if in camera...what were ur settings?
Editing: as people have said was slow paced in the beginning and was losing interest. Its just cuz ur my "dupes" ( friend) and i know ur work i stuck out the first part. Tell the director it needs to be faster. Tunnel scenes were on point!
General: score was really good at the parts where they wanted it to be scary. Acting was very well done by the blonde...the guy wasnt good as people have said.
overall VERY well done man. u got skills to pay the bills.
ps ...very jealous of how good u get ur stuff to look online
Darren.
Last edited:
renegadewill
Well-known member
thanks a lot jambrez. once again all in camera. master ped -15 chromo level -7, and zeroed out all the way down. Yea I am a high shutter guy because I bought the camera for the 24p and I like to show it off. If you got a dvx and wanted smooth motion you got the wrong camera in my opinion. the dolly in on the tunnel is actually an ease done by the dvx rocker zoom handheld. that was a shot where i wish I had a tripod. My concept was that when the actors were standing I would go handheld, but when theywere sitting i would go tripod. the dude is pretty bad, like painful levels for me. Thanks again.