need help with bar jokes

:grin: some of these are really good! :grin:


A man has had a very long day at work so he decides to stop by the local bar on the way home. It's been a long day and it's prety late. The bar is empy.
The man sits down at the bar and orders a drink.

After a few moments he hears a quiet voice "psst, nice shirt". The guy is a little startled and looks around, but see no one. So he continues with his drink.

Again a soft voice, "I like your shoes". The guy looks around, the bartender is cleaning up something at the back of the bar, there's no one else around. The guy looks at his drink suspiciously and then takes another swig.

After a moment the same voice returns, "That's a really great tie!". The man jumps up form his seat and takes a step back from his seat. The bartender naturally inquires if everything is ok?

The man respondes. "I keep hearing these voices"

"What sort of voices" asks the bartender.

The man explains; "well, first they liked my shirt, then they said I have nice shoes, and now they are raving about my good tie."

"Ahh" says the bartender, "That's the peanuts, they're complimentary."



- Mikko ... will be here all week.
 
Guy walks up to a bar on the 22nd floor to order a drink...

So the guy sitting at the bar says, "Hey, if I jump out the window and bounce back in, will you buy me a drink?"

First guy says, "You can't do that."

Second guys says, "Sure I can... we have a bet?"

First guy, "Sure, you jump out the window and bounce back in, I'll buy you a drink."

So the guy sitting gets up, jumps out the window... a few seconds later, he bounces back up.

"Holy crap, how'd you do that???"

"Piece of cake. Want to bet me another drink I can do it again?"

"Sure, why not?"

So he jumps out the window again, and, sure enough, he bounces back inside.

Dumbfounded, the guy buys him a drink and leaves the bar.

The guy smiles and sits down next to his buddy, who says, "Superman, you're an a$$hole when you're drunk."
 
A man walks into a bar one day and sees a million bucks on the table. He has a few drinks, but after awhile can't contain himself and asks the bartender: 'Hey whats with the cash on the table?'

The bartender replies: 'well its a running contest we have. You put in 100 bucks and then heres what you do - first drink 10 shots of this tequila here, then outside theres the neighbourhood's fiercest bulldog, but she's got a bad tooth. You've gotta pull it out. After you're done with there, theres a girl upstairs and you're supposed to bed her. After you're done, bring back the dog's tooth and come back here.'

The guy thought for awhile and decided what the heck, and joined the contest. So he took the 10 shots, and left the bar. Half an hour later he came back looking like crap and really drunk. He stumbled to the bar and plopped the tooth down on the table and said: 'Here ya go...i did it'

Surprised the bartender picked the tooth up and examined it....a moment later he exclaimed: 'YOU IDIOT! THATS THE GIRL'S TOOTH!!!!!!'

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
 
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