FEATURE: NEED FEEDBACK - first scenes from new feature

J

jondabach

New member
Hi Everyone...

So I'm working on a new feature. We're shooting guerilla style on my friend's Red Epic. Very fast and very low key.

I have two questions -

1. Do you think the card tricks in the opening monologue are distracting or do they work?
2. Does the actress deliver? I've heard mixed reviews on her. Some think she's weak others like her. I can't decide myself. Everyone seems to be pretty good with the lead and the baby but the girl is in question:


https://vimeo.com/59621158
password: myjon

Thanks for your help!
 
:059 blue thing drawing attention to itself pointing at his head saying hey lookit me i wanna be in this movie too

11:06 the shape on his shirt is screaming lookit me-- ask ppl to wear clothes with no logos unless u got a placement deal

whys the camera pointing down at ppl== try chest height as a default== if someones sitting down thats THEIR chest not yours

your cinematographer has wonky composition skills--hey youre making a feature you should be able to take hearing this -- have him (or you) scan the frame for "fiddly bits" that distract from the center of interest and frame them out-- its basic photography EDIT the shot--

she aint great but shes not that bad hes just better at pulling off this brand of naturalism

tell her to make sure she is listening to him and reacting- right now shes waiting for him to finish to take her "turn" -- also keep her focused on her (sub)textual actions shes a lil in her own world right now

also tell her shes doing great before you give her notes/direction of course

http://www.amazon.com/Practical-Han...8-1&keywords=practical+handbook+for+the+actor
 
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You know, you asked. I wasn't going to comment, but I've never been Mr. Popularity so whatever.

Watched this last night, and had to turn it off after 5 min. It's that painful.

STOP PRODUCTION.

The material is not ready for prime time. You still have time to work this out from page 1, for real this time. That could save a lot of heartache in the long term. Making a feature is a giant investment of a lot of people's time and money.

Don't shoot the messenger.
 
youre asking the dude to just magically get pro-level screenwriting skills in the space between now and his reshoot

the writing aint that stellar- but its not that bad, it has some conflict and a nice natural/realistic vibe

perfection/mastery of the moviemaking craft is 5-10 years way for most of us on this forum aint it

but yeah i guess i agree somewhat

youre making a feature and yet your cinematographer cant compose a picture that well, theres that

also cmon visual storytelling- a story about a newly married couple where the wife doesnt want to have sex and yet theres no pictures of them married and no shots of him flicking throught the tv and finding a sexy beer commercial, and the story doesnt start with her putting the baby to bed, with hair rollers in her hair and then she goes to bed and he checks out her bod as she puts on her nightie and he wants to do it and they argue and cut to him sleeping on the couch blah blah etc... pretend your writing a silent movie tell the story with (moving) pictures then do the dialog

instead you got a dude flicking cards

??

so erm....yeah maybe it is really bad

hey I got my own weaknesses

but yeah theres some lack of basic filmmaking going on here

maybe you should try this as a short
 
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I think the above comments are a tad harsh. I was expecting it to be really awful, but it's not so bad. It doesn't look cinematic in any way (a wasted opportunity considering you have an epic), the story seems kinda weak and the card tricks seem a little bit pointless and unnecessary (what actually is the point of it?)...but I thought the lead guy was quite funny and the dialogue was was natural. I didn't think the girl was too bad. I definitely agree that it'd be beneficial for you to make it as a short, at least for the time being.
 
hey i agree i mentioned all that good stuff '' fore I unleashed the crits...no useless bashing here.. I gave tons of concrete advice to improve on what hes got

were all big boys here if you got an EPIC and have people around you that you convinced to do a feature (!) someone should be able to tell you your cinematographer cant compose that well... If I wuz in his shoes I would hope someone would tell me !!!!

take the advice and go run with it thats what id do

its like a finger pointing to the moon dont look at the finger or you miss aw the heavenwy gwory

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7gz5deSQes
 
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