Need advice on how to make my script longer

Zblock

Zblock

Well-known member
Hello, I just finished writing one of two scripts. Both seem to have the same problem... I'm finished but theres only 50/ish pages. The unfinished one is near completion and it only has 60 pages.

Specifically script A. It's no doubt an hour and a half movie but the story revolves mostly around a man and his dog with little dialogue. With any more description, I feel like I'd be boring my reader. Seems like I'm pretty stuck at the moment.

Does anybody else have the same problem? If somebody has the time I'd email a writing sample for critiquing purposes.

Thanks,
 
Are you looking to make either of these films yourself or are you trying to sell them? Send me a PM - I'll reply with an e-mail and I'll be happy to offer you a critique.
 
Dude, make sure you add a lesbian shower scene, and a couple of car chases and you should be fine....

thisisapocalypse is correct, in that the question is, are you going to make the scripts or are you going to try to sell them? I think that the idea of the "Proper" length of a feature film script is 120 page long is bullsh*t.

Get some actors together and do a read through, with the non-dialogue screen direction acted out and time it. If it is the length YOU want, AND, it is a compelling story, don't fret about the page count.
 
Well, there is no *description* in a screenplay, that element is called "action" and it is people doing things (or things happening). So I would wonder if you have enough things happening in your screenplay.

The average screenplay is going to have around 60 scenes - that is not 60 sluglines, that is 60 scenes (you can cut back and forth between locations a half dozen times within a scene and it's still a single scene). So the first thing I'd look at - do you have 60 scenes?

The problem part of many short scripts is act 2, the conflict act. Many scripts have scenes that set up the conflict (act 1) and scenes that resolve the conflict (act 3) but few scenes that *are* the conflict - the struggle back and forth between protagonist and antagonist (or force of antagonism). That actual struggle, the physical struggle (which is what we can see on screen) is often missing and that's what makes a script short.

Another frequent problem is the protagonist's emotional struggle - often there really isn't any. The protagonist is always right and the world is wrong, or the protagonist instantly resolves their emotional struggle without any actual work or struggle.

Those are my suggestions for things to look at.

- Bill
 
Add more story. Also, make sure you're formatting it properly. Scripts have a ton of white space.

I recommend writing out what your story is in outline form, including how long sections last. Maybe use the index card setup to visualize it better. Then you have something you can actually look at to see where the less developed areas may be.
 
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David G. Smith said:
Dude, make sure you add a lesbian shower scene, and a couple of car chases and you should be fine....

thisisapocalypse is correct, in that the question is, are you going to make the scripts or are you going to try to sell them? I think that the idea of the "Proper" length of a feature film script is 120 page long is bullsh*t.

Get some actors together and do a read through, with the non-dialogue screen direction acted out and time it. If it is the length YOU want, AND, it is a compelling story, don't fret about the page count.
Click to expand...

wcmartell said:
Well, there is no *description* in a screenplay, that element is called "action" and it is people doing things (or things happening). So I would wonder if you have enough things happening in your screenplay.

The average screenplay is going to have around 60 scenes - that is not 60 sluglines, that is 60 scenes (you can cut back and forth between locations a half dozen times within a scene and it's still a single scene). So the first thing I'd look at - do you have 60 scenes?

The problem part of many short scripts is act 2, the conflict act. Many scripts have scenes that set up the conflict (act 1) and scenes that resolve the conflict (act 3) but few scenes that *are* the conflict - the struggle back and forth between protagonist and antagonist (or force of antagonism). That actual struggle, the physical struggle (which is what we can see on screen) is often missing and that's what makes a script short.

Another frequent problem is the protagonist's emotional struggle - often there really isn't any. The protagonist is always right and the world is wrong, or the protagonist instantly resolves their emotional struggle without any actual work or struggle.

Those are my suggestions for things to look at.

- Bill
Click to expand...

Both very useful posts. Maybe get back to them with a bit more detail. The more you can share the more help you'll get. Just be careful with sharing your actual script and make sure it is copyrighted before that.
 
If you do not already have them (I am guessing not, based on the short length of your script), weave B and C stories a.k.a. subplots into your main A story. That said, an 80 page first draft is about right for a first draft based and what Tom Lazarus (Stigmata) says in his book, because the length of the screenplay grows with rewrites; I have seen this in the three screenplays I have written; you are not far from 80 pages, especially if you add one or more subplots. ~randall
 
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Thanks guys. Great stuff. I'm planning to shoot the first one myself so I'm not too worried about the length but my agent is going to see the script and ideally there would be possible investors looking at it, not to mention the rest of my crew and cast so I'd like to get as close to the industry standard as possible.

Great idea with the read through, that should square things up some. Maybe I could/should add a piece or two to the 2nd act. Of the 3 it's def. the most open.

I'll look it over with those in mind and let you know what I've concluded. Thanks for the input.
 
if you're fairly certain they're actually longer on the screen than they are on the page ...

then I'd ask if you're breaking your action description up into implied shots. Meaning just skipping a line every time there's a shot. Or to think of it another way, every time there's a new, important visual element, or new image for the reader.

This does a few things:
1 makes the eye move down the page.
Breaks up the text so there's more white on the page.
Makes sure elements are given weight when reading that will actually take some time on screen.
 
Like most people said, make an outline first.

Usually if I can do a 10+ page outline, I won't have a problem hitting 90+ pages.
 
wcmartell said:
The average screenplay is going to have around 60 scenes - that is not 60 sluglines, that is 60 scenes (you can cut back and forth between locations a half dozen times within a scene and it's still a single scene). So the first thing I'd look at - do you have 60 scenes?

- Bill
Click to expand...

Small point and don't mean to be picky - but I'd say each location is a scene. The scene heading states the location so if that changes it's a different scene.
 
I find when a story hasn't quite reached critical mass it's because it's lacking an extra character. At that point I usually add another character that's in conflict with the lead. Just make sure that character isn't redundant, that he's coming at the protagonist in a way that's different than the other characters.
 
Hmm

Hmm

Yeah it sounds like maybe there isn't enough that happens to make it last a feature length? Or if you're confident there is, it could just be a matter of spacing. Remember scripts aren't supposed to have large paragraphs, but divide actions basically into separate paragraphs. That preserves the 1 minute = 1 page idea, which is still just an estimation but it has to be formatted very well for it to work the best.

I can tell you my first few scripts in film school for shorts were way off, like 5 pages was 9 minutes, then 4 pages was 6 minutes, etc. It was mostly just bad formatting, no pro script writing software, just doing things wrong basically. My first "real" short that i did professionally was just over 7 pages and it was just over 7 minutes without credits I believe. So pretty close.

I had a follow-up question for someone here maybe. I have a script I wrote that I'll be directing myself, this summer, it's 83 pages long, romantic comedy. I've went through it many times, scenes have been added and it has grown from 72 pages with holes to 83 pages complete, basically. I'm quite happy with the structure, the various key points happen exactly where they should, and basically I just am very happy with how it is right now. It'll obviously undergo more changes and editing and all of that, but should I really add 7 pages just for the sake of making it 90 pages or should I just edit and perfect what I have and send it out, then if it gets longer with a suggested added scene or two, great, but if not that's ok too? I was figuring we'll still have a 90 minute film or very close to it with the opening credit sequence I have in mind and the end title scroll. I think at worst it would be 87 minutes, and that's not unusual at all really. Taken is a short film, for instance, and it's action, a lot of family movies are 75-85 minutes, etc. Just curious how important people think it is to make it 90 pages or more...
 
In the world of low budget flicks, 84 minutes (pages) can work, because once you add the head and tail credits it will probably work out to around 90 minutes. You're in the ballpark. If you are directing it yourself, you are the boss - so if it comes up short after you edit the film, go out and do some 2nd unit sunsets and beauty shots!

A "scene" is a dramatic unit - has zilch to do with sluglines. The example I always use is a scene from WEST WING where a character was being shown to her office and her duties were discussed along the way. All one scene. But the scene began in an office, went down a hallway, through a section of cubicles to another hallway, down stairs, and into a basement office. All one conversation - all one scene. Many different sluglines. My CRASH DIVE script probably had around 60 scenes in my outline, but had 313 sluglines in the script when they filmed it for HBO. It certainly didn't have 313 scenes.

- Bill
 
Setting up a scene using action lines that depict the emotion before the coming dramatic storm can be helpful in providing contrast to the fast cutting that will occur later on. It will also increase page count. This approach should enhance the scene's energy through emphasizing contrast. If everything is fast (low contrast) it wears out the audience and the sense of speed/tension is blurred & lost. Slower paced parts give contrast to the fast/tense areas of the story. Imagine a series of shots, how long they hold and what sort of tone they set for the audience. In music it's called Tension & Release. IMO, writing should influence pacing employed by both director & editor.

@ Bill, Unfortunately the language about scenes/location sluglines is confusing. IMO, the slugline scene heading should be called a "Location Heading" for it to be a better description of what purpose it serves. The Industry, Software & Slate makers should change the terminology of Scene to Location.
 
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