My Short Film

W

Win Edson

Member
http://vimeo.com/4092839

Hi everyone, I'm an American ex-patriot living in London, resuming my filmmaking quest after a ten year hiatus. Just finished a short film that I'd love for you to check-out.

It's loosely inspired by the (Rod Serling) old twilight zone series. I shot it with the Canon A1 and edited it in FCP and the special effects were done in After Effects.

Thanks!

Win
 
The opening shot was killer! How did you pull that off?

I enjoyed this. Some really great framing throughout. My only beef was with the story. I can't can't count how many versions of this story I've seen before.

You did it well though so kudos for that.

Nice work.

MAH
 
Just watching now mike, and it looks CG.

Altogether, neat short. Audio was lacking, but other than that, nice shots, and editing.

Loved the end credits. How'd you think of that?

Story didn't really make sense for me also..

Robbie
 
Robbie Comeau said:
Just watching now mike, and it looks CG.

Altogether, neat short. Audio was lacking, but other than that, nice shots, and editing.

Loved the end credits. How'd you think of that?

Story didn't really make sense for me also..

Robbie
Click to expand...
CG? Well the cars and everything moving down below looked great!

And I got the story, I was just saying that I've seen it done before plenty of times. Although he did do it very well.


Mike
 
I liked it. Everything looked pro. I could nit pick over a couple FX scenes, the cars specifially, but why bother? Pretty low on my list of crits.

I guess my big crit, if it is one, is how the story played out.
I know Twighlight Zone never made 4 minute shorts so it's hard to compare a 20 min version to a 4 min version. I'd be interested in seeing how they would handled it.
A tough gig for sure.

Still, it felt rushed in the end, too much time setting it up, but that's kind of how the Zone worked, so...I don't know, it's hard to do, but what you did I liked.

The winner of the last dvxuser TwilightFest, Broadcast( http://www.dvxfest.com/twilightfest/index.php ), had I think 5 mins, but, well, have a look if you have not seen it.

Yeah, it sort of felt flat for some reason, story wise. It just didn't flow for me. It was like, "here's the intro" and "here's the payoff". Bamn.

Everything else I was right there. Something about the story flow regarding these short-shorts that I think needs special attention.
Unfortunatley I can only give you my observations.
The rest of it the other pros can comment on.

But yeah, it all worked for me, enjoyable to watch. Just the storyline I have a small concern with. Otherwise you would have nailed it. Like I say, I'm not even sure if The Zone could pull it off themselves in 4 mins, hehe, so, no worries. That's a tough gig man. :beer:

//Oh, and if your checking out previous twilight entries, Micheal Horrigan's (above post) is also worth a look. :)
 
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Wow, thanks for all the comments and viewings everyone!

To answer some questions...

Unfortunately, the beginning aerial shot was the only one I didn't film! A friend was doing a project and had hired a helicopter with a gyroscopic camera and he was nice enough to let me 'borrow' the footage that I used.

The titles and end credits are words set into a 'parallax' of 3d space, thus keeping to the theme. I did these in After Effects.

As far as CG is concerned, used CG elements toward the end, and yeah, they're not perfect by any means...

The film was originally supposed to be a weekend 'practice' film to test the camera and get into the mode of filmmaking after a long break. I wrote the story in about an hour (not hard to believe) but then the project kinda gained momentum as I got into it and started experimenting with ideas. I ended up putting more time into the post production than I originally planned. Still, it was fun, and not to be taken too seriously. I'm well into my next (bigger) project now.

Thanks again for the interest!

Win
 
Win Edson said:
Unfortunately, the beginning aerial shot was the only one I didn't film! A friend was doing a project and had hired a helicopter with a gyroscopic camera and he was nice enough to let me 'borrow' the footage that I used.
Click to expand...
I knew it! Looked too good to be CG to me. Beautiful opening.
 
Well since the story was written in about an hour guess this doesn't fully apply, but I'd like to give my opinions nonetheless to help you in the future.

As people said, the story was lacking. For me it wasn't just the story, it was the mood as well. A lot of strange choices. We hear hints to the end of the world at first, then this girl says "let's change things around" and turns off and we see some silly wipe transitions. Strange for the eerie end of the world vibe I was getting at first. Then she seems to act completely cool for the fact that it's the end of the world.

The main problem with the story is, sorry to say, but it's not really a story. We're just following a girl. The reason it's not a 'story' is because it doesn't have any clear conflict or goals set in place for us to follow. Plus the protagonist that we follow has to take an active role in trying to over-come this conflict or else if the protagonist is passive, then the conflict isn't really a conflict for us.

We simply hear hints of the end of the world and she says "it's all good" (which doesn't make it a conflict for us). Then she does some strange meditation and either sends the world into a parallel universe or the black hole that was mentioned during the medition did it. So in a flash the conflict was clearly shown (which we're not sure if the protagonist took an active role or not in) and resolved at the same time as well.

I'm not saying you NEED a story to do a short. But just thought I'd mention why people don't like the story.

So aside from lack of story and mood (and not the best acting in the world), it was very well done. The car floating thing felt a bit silly though, partly because it was strange and unexpected, and second because of the not perfect CG.
 
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