My next short - enjoy

Gotta say, the ending didn't bother me. It didn't seem "open ended" to me, as I'm pretty sure I know what happened to her.

Nice work. The only comment I have is about the lighting in the second half, where she's alone. Not that it was too dark, if it was supposed to be dark, but it looked kind of flat compared to the lighting in the first half.
 
Overall I liked it. I mean storywise, there were believability issues. Most people would run out of the house or call 911 the moment they saw someone on video in their home for fear of their own safety. But overall you did a good job within the context of the story you had to tell.

I think the happy everyday music in the first half worked and it transitioned nicely to creepy in the second half. The beeping was annoying of course and at first I thought it was an intentional part of the narrative that would pay off later. Just read it was a licensing issue, lol... ahem. You uhhh... obviously will change that? :)

My criticisms:
1) Editing could be tighter. The place that jumped out as dragging was when the boyfriend/husband was getting dressed. I'd turn those into faster jump cuts. Maybe use three of them tops. The scenes of her watching the intruder could be shortened. Got a little drag going on there.

2) The lighting was really lacking. Even thought you were intentionally going for darkness, you'll notice other movies that are going for the same thing are well lit and stopped down in camera. In your flik, it just feels like you didn't have lights at your disposal.

3) The live shots of the crazy guy was bothersome. The shaking of the camera took me out of your narrative. I know the intent was to create a subliminal crazy thing, but it stood out in a bad way.

4) I know what you were going for with the jump cuts in the end, but the way you did it doesn't work. I agree with desperatecomfort, it's not open ended. We get that something bad happened to her and it is more effective not to see what happens. But the jarring cutting of that scene feels like a mistake in the editing rather than something intentional. I think you have a shot of him charging the camera in that cut? If so, a suggestion would be to cut to that cleanly then a quick cut to black. Both ways are communicating the same thing only that latter won't take your audience out of the film.

5) I think recuting the live shots vs. the displayed on TV shots is in order. I disagree with liquidsn in that you should only see the video on TV (I think that would create a drag in the narrative). But I think you should consider holding on the TV video more than the live shots. That might also help heal some of the jarring camera movement in the live shots too. Intercut that with some more reaction shots of her watching and it will break up the monotony of a static shot on the TV screen and help the emotional impact a bit.

Just want to stress, overall, this was nicely done. You should take a bow.
 
Editing being tighter seems to be a hot spot - and i should have light the dark scenes more and then stopped down - next time for sure
 
That Was ****ing EERIE! i think you did an amazing job, some lighting spots suck, and some popping noise, but otherwise a generally creepy ass movie, thanks.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top