SHORT: My new short film Liquid Lungs is seeking donations

[LightupChoiceFry]

Hello everyone,

I have a new short film that I'm making in May that needs some help with its finances. Please take a moment to read about the film and my goal and other works, and please donate if you are able to. Anything will surely help make the film the best it can be with the amazing talent involved.

http://igg.me/at/LiquidLungsKenCohen/x/103829

Thank you so much

 

[nycineaste]

" A burnt out EMT that's tired of how long it's been since she's saved someone, sets out to re-live the day she saved her younger brother Casper from drowning, so she can feel the rush again and regain her confidence. But as her obsession increases, she loses sight of her present day responsibilities, and dangerously influences Casper, who was once a lifeguard."

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wow, your story is off to a good start

reduce it to clear cause and effect actions and bold sudden disasters tho thats drama

an EMT ---LOSES A PATIENT--- and so ----RESTAGES the day she rescued her brother---... which makes this and that happen yada yada

i know its just a synopisis but you got a lot of vague language going on that I hope isnt working it's way into the execution of your script

think ACTION (cause and effect) and DISASTER (sudden bad things)

I know you didnt ask for a writing tutorial but I cant help myself besides hidden in your mushy synopsis is a good idea

good luck godspeed

id give you money but im a starving artist just like you trying to make my own movies