Graeme Noble
Active member
This is an experimental short film I made. It doesn't contain dialogue, but is a collection of footage that fits together with music and a voiceover. Comments and constructive criticism welcome!
SHORT: My Dear Love - Experimental 5min Film
- Thread starter Graeme Noble
- Start date
There's a theory that short films are like snapshots (of an event), rather than a whole photo album (larger sequence of events). While it's a debatable theory; I wonder if that's what you were going for? If it was, I applaud you for the effort.
The main two aspects I wasn't fond of was the music and the script (voice over). Maybe it's just because I've seen so much of it on indie short films/features, but that indie piano score stuff is egregiously emotionally didactic. Meanwhile, there is so much great free music, local indie bands, very cheap licensing opportunities, that it perplexes me why more people don't take advantage of it. For your piece I think a more laid back evocative piece would have helped immensely. Heck, if you don't intend on selling your flick, you can use a festival license and use almost anything you want.
Next, was the voice over, which really didn't serve the piece as well because it was too on the nose - merely reflecting what was visually going on. By doing that you're pretty much telling the audience that a (voice over) + a (visuals) = a (meaning). That doesn't give the audience a participatory experience where they are actively engaging with your short film. If you give them a voice over that is juxtaposed or asks questions visually, then they are kept engaged with the short film.
What you might also like to consider is shortening the piece, leaving in some of those Cu, ECU's you had (which I would have liked to see more of). And next time, I'd really try to watch exposure (blow outs). Maybe a new grade/correction might help.
Some of the good stuff in your short film was some of the Cu's. There was a feel that these were real people a' la cinema verite'. The moment where you introduced audio where she was crying was unexpected and fit nicely. Maybe having a moment earlier with the audio where they were kissing/happy might be a nice addition (just a thought). But where I really have to give props to you is for you trying something in the experimental genre while trying to keep it honest, and for not using the cliche'd surprise at the end of the short film "fooled ya'"(which can be the laziest of short film conventions).
Hope you don't mind me leaving a review/suggestions.
The main two aspects I wasn't fond of was the music and the script (voice over). Maybe it's just because I've seen so much of it on indie short films/features, but that indie piano score stuff is egregiously emotionally didactic. Meanwhile, there is so much great free music, local indie bands, very cheap licensing opportunities, that it perplexes me why more people don't take advantage of it. For your piece I think a more laid back evocative piece would have helped immensely. Heck, if you don't intend on selling your flick, you can use a festival license and use almost anything you want.
Next, was the voice over, which really didn't serve the piece as well because it was too on the nose - merely reflecting what was visually going on. By doing that you're pretty much telling the audience that a (voice over) + a (visuals) = a (meaning). That doesn't give the audience a participatory experience where they are actively engaging with your short film. If you give them a voice over that is juxtaposed or asks questions visually, then they are kept engaged with the short film.
What you might also like to consider is shortening the piece, leaving in some of those Cu, ECU's you had (which I would have liked to see more of). And next time, I'd really try to watch exposure (blow outs). Maybe a new grade/correction might help.
Some of the good stuff in your short film was some of the Cu's. There was a feel that these were real people a' la cinema verite'. The moment where you introduced audio where she was crying was unexpected and fit nicely. Maybe having a moment earlier with the audio where they were kissing/happy might be a nice addition (just a thought). But where I really have to give props to you is for you trying something in the experimental genre while trying to keep it honest, and for not using the cliche'd surprise at the end of the short film "fooled ya'"(which can be the laziest of short film conventions).
Hope you don't mind me leaving a review/suggestions.
Last edited:
Graeme Noble
Active member
I appreciate your comment and these are well thought out constructive comments. I agree with practically everything you said and I feel I've made some of those improvements in the past few months since filming this piece. Thanks.
Well I'm not a big fan of "love movies". I would have liked it to hear more sounds.
For me, I have a feeling that you added the VO because you realised the recorded sound on set was so bad you couldn't use it ?, Well that's what I have with every film...
If not, don't be afraid to leave the dialogues, add some other sounds: outside, the beach, street, cars, birds...a dog barking a cat...
And a said before: the music doesn't realy fit, it's like baking a cake and then adding 500 pounds of strawberries to make it look nice...
For me, I have a feeling that you added the VO because you realised the recorded sound on set was so bad you couldn't use it ?, Well that's what I have with every film...
If not, don't be afraid to leave the dialogues, add some other sounds: outside, the beach, street, cars, birds...a dog barking a cat...
And a said before: the music doesn't realy fit, it's like baking a cake and then adding 500 pounds of strawberries to make it look nice...
Graeme Noble
Active member
Do you think creating new sounds is appropriate or do you think it is important to use the actual sound from the visuals? The voiceover was planned beforehand but the sound itself wouldn't have been acceptable.
On some moments it could be nice to hear them, like between 00:31 - 00:50 (conversations, laughing, playing)
01:00, her taking a breath, and maybe sound of clothes when giving a big hugh
01:24, conversation, playing, laughing, fighting...
Maybe the conversation also in the kitchen... Not understandable but just some... small pieces
01:00, her taking a breath, and maybe sound of clothes when giving a big hugh
01:24, conversation, playing, laughing, fighting...
Maybe the conversation also in the kitchen... Not understandable but just some... small pieces
Graeme Noble
Active member
Thanks for that.
No problem.
Thanks for reading it. With regards to the audio, you could always go back to those locations (or similar ones) and do some ambient sound recording (& some sfx) to mix in with the mix here and there - it would all depend on whether you wanted the music to be the driving force, vo, or visuals. But, I did like the fact the ambient sounds seemed to come at pivotal moments, but just though you needed a few more of them for the arc. Regardless, these are just some blokes opinions. If you remix it though, I wouldn't mind seeing it.
Look forward to more stuff.
Graeme Noble
Active member
Thank You.