SHORT: Music Box (conceived and shot in 1 hr)

Some decent shots. You had some exposure troubles (easy to do on a sunny day). I think you could edit it down to about 3 mins and it would flow a lot better.

Reminds me of some of the shorts i have done (Petless and La Puerta, on my vimeo channel)
 
I liked the audio quite a bit for the most part but there are a few things that were distracting. At 2:47 the audio abruptly cuts and you can actually hear someone say "go" for the little girl to start turning the music box. Not sure why you would include that. Also, the fade out at around 4:19 was also distracting
 
jonE5 said:
Some decent shots. You had some exposure troubles (easy to do on a sunny day). I think you could edit it down to about 3 mins and it would flow a lot better.

Reminds me of some of the shorts i have done (Petless and La Puerta, on my vimeo channel)
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I agree with everything you've said. Most of the shots were one take only, plus it was the first I had properly used the camera so I had my work cut out when it came to the edit with regards to sorting out the exposure issues. It would work better as a shorter piece, but I kept it the length it is because I shot it for my niece and and her parents and they collectively wanted as much footage as possible. Thanks for the feedback and the links to your channels.
 
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brendan_pr said:
I liked the audio quite a bit for the most part but there are a few things that were distracting. At 2:47 the audio abruptly cuts and you can actually hear someone say "go" for the little girl to start turning the music box. Not sure why you would include that. Also, the fade out at around 4:19 was also distracting
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To be fair, the audio is actually quite poor. It was a built in stereo mic on the camera and the wind reduction hardly worked. I hadn't even noticed when I said 'go' when doing the edit. Sloppy. I probably should have delayed the transition between the two pieces of music as well. Just goes to show you the importance of good sound on a project. Definitely something I hope to improve on in forthcoming projects.
 
I thought you did a good job, save the few exposure and sound issues. Agree, with editing this could be half the length, which would make it more interesting. I got the dead girl, old house, music box thing. I didn't get the red. It's cool and all, but what is the function to the story?
 
Sunk99 said:
I thought you did a good job, save the few exposure and sound issues. Agree, with editing this could be half the length, which would make it more interesting. I got the dead girl, old house, music box thing. I didn't get the red. It's cool and all, but what is the function to the story?
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There was no specific function in mind with regards to the choice of red. It just looked nice. I wanted to create somewhat of a gothic feel visually and little red riding hood sprang to mind, but only loosely. Thanks for the feedback.
 
Got cha. I'm might suggest for future story telling purposes to tie everything together and make sure everything pushes the story forward - else cutting room floor. Example, at that old house, if the bricks were to have burn marks on them (use coal dust), and there was a wild rose bush growing on the wall, and the ghost had a red rose, the whole story would have tied together and have been explained. Few other recommendations. The girl went for the walk - why? Looked like she had a specific destination all along. But then, she got to the old bricks, found the music box, then went directly home. From a story telling angle she could meander, but that would have had to be shown, stopping along the way. The other story telling suggestions are don't reveal the ghost (ending) early as that first reveal took away from the ending (suspense). The girl should also have kept the music box when she jumped on her bed. Story, story, story.
 
Sunk99 said:
Got cha. I'm might suggest for future story telling purposes to tie everything together and make sure everything pushes the story forward - else cutting room floor. Example, at that old house, if the bricks were to have burn marks on them (use coal dust), and there was a wild rose bush growing on the wall, and the ghost had a red rose, the whole story would have tied together and have been explained. Few other recommendations. The girl went for the walk - why? Looked like she had a specific destination all along. But then, she got to the old bricks, found the music box, then went directly home. From a story telling angle she could meander, but that would have had to be shown, stopping along the way. The other story telling suggestions are don't reveal the ghost (ending) early as that first reveal took away from the ending (suspense). The girl should also have kept the music box when she jumped on her bed. Story, story, story.
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Fair enough. I was pretty much shot on the fly, but there's always room for a tighter story. Thanks for the tips.
 
baldavenger said:
To be fair, the audio is actually quite poor. It was a built in stereo mic on the camera and the wind reduction hardly worked. I hadn't even noticed when I said 'go' when doing the edit. Sloppy. I probably should have delayed the transition between the two pieces of music as well. Just goes to show you the importance of good sound on a project. Definitely something I hope to improve on in forthcoming projects.
Click to expand...

So you didn't notice it in the edit ?? Wel that's very "normal" actualy. Directors are so busy with the image, that they even won't notice a whole orchestra playing next to it... :-p
And that's why there are people doing sound editing, sound design, and why it takes 6 weeks to do soundpostproduction for a feature movie.
Always tell actors to count to 3 (in there head) before they do the action. And always count 10 seconds after each take... (this is very hard to explain to commercial/agency people...very hard...)

To much music brakes the story... Music is ok...but it may not "overwhelm" the story/movie.

I don't get the story.....
 
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