Meeting your birth parent/s for the first time

Londude

Londude

Carbonite Member
Hi.

Thought Id start this thread and see if anyone had met their birth parents/parent for the first time recently, or at any time in their life.

I was born in Orange County, California USA and moved to England with my English mother when i was 3 as they seperated for good.

My birth father is American, thus making me a half breed lol. (British/American.)

Anyhoo, I have always wanted to meet him, and spoke to him on the phone for the first time when I was 15 and lost contact as he had ALOT of issues and was weird.

I'm 25 now, and was thinking of trying to contact him again via the internet.

His parents, i.e my grandparents are religous nuts and dont like me for some reason even though they have never met me, and his whole family seem very strange.

I just want to meet my birth father face to face for just one day out of my whole life.

Am I wasting my time? Should I bother? Has anyone else met their birth parents and been dissapointed?

Cheers.
 
Well, it seems like you really want to do it, so it isn't a waste of time at all. I'm not in your situation, but how could you be "disappointed" by meeting, essentially a total stranger? I think the important thing is to remember that and not build up an expectations, and to remember that he hasn't made you who you are today, so nothing hinges on that...

But again, I'm not in your situation. If I were though, I'd probably pester my mother and try and find out as much info through her. If you haven't already, push her really hard for the most information and then go do it. Maybe make a documentary about it? Good luck.
 
I think the real question is, why not? What do you have to loose? Maybe you would gain a new found relationship. Maybe not, I would do it. However, I'm a very curious person by nature. Perhaps documenting it would be interesting as well. For yourself.
 
Hey guys thanks for your input. Yeh that would be a great idea to document it/film it. I wonder if anybody would be interested in seeing a doco like that? Its prob been done before anyhow?

Its not so much me deciding whether its a good idea to try and meet him, its the other way round.

I found it extremely tedious and difficult speaking to his parents as they were very uninterested over the phone when I was trying to locate him and get to know them as well and they even wrote a rude letter back to mine saying I looked stupid and just went on about god.

I just get the feeling he wouldnt actually meet up with me, and hes like a robot to talk to over the phone, no emotion etc.

Its like, everytime I ring USA I dont feel good, almost as if I'm hitting my head against a brick wall and trying to force this guy to meet up with me. Then again I havnt spoke to him in years, prob since 2003.
 
My mother says his parents are 'small town folk', rednecks, as they live in Montana and are very small minded. She said the 2 days she spent with them in their house was awful and she couldnt wait to leave, hahahaha.
 
Oh and I'm not hating or disrespecting anyone in Montana, thats just how my mother describes my grandparents.
 
Yeah, well. It's probably because of the cultural difference. I also would chalk it up as not wanting to relieve the past. They probably have unfounded hatred toward you because of your mother - not because of you. How old is your father? You could write them a letter back, kill them with kindness and ask for his phone number/address. If they don't want to give it to you - hire a private investigator or do a background check online (these are about 50 bucks american). There are a ton of things you could. As for documenting it. That's just an idea, but making a really cool road-trip about finding your father could be pretty interesting depending how it was handled. It doesn't mean you need to sell it, you could do it for yourself.
 
if these people are as you describe them, i probably wouldn't show up with a video camera; they don't seem like the type of people that would like being filmed. but i do hope you get to meet him one day. good luck.
 
I'm not gonna go into personal experience or anything here, because it's a bit personal and only semi-relevant anyway in my case.

But I do get the feeling this is something you want to do, and have an urge to do. I also think it's something you should do.

But do it for yourself, man. Try to find out where this guy went wrong. Whatever this guy's issue is, if he's your father you may have a similar issue if you've inherited certain traits or a certain way of thinking. Meeting him and talking to him lets you look at a reflected image of yourself in a way, and even if you two end up fighting or only meeting briefly or never talking to eachother again, you will have learnt something valuable about yourself.

I don't know about making a documentary about it though. What I would do if I were you is, I would make the journey, then after having reflected upon it (might take days, might take years), I would write a fictional story loosely inspired by your experience but which gets to the same point in a metaphorical way.
Joseph Campbell, Hero's Journey, Oedipus... Starwars... you know?

That's what I would do.
 
ugafan said:
if these people are as you describe them, i probably wouldn't show up with a video camera; they don't seem like the type of people that would like being filmed. but i do hope you get to meet him one day. good luck.
Click to expand...

Thanks dude.
 
Evan S said:
Yeah, well. It's probably because of the cultural difference. I also would chalk it up as not wanting to relieve the past. They probably have unfounded hatred toward you because of your mother - not because of you. How old is your father? You could write them a letter back, kill them with kindness and ask for his phone number/address. If they don't want to give it to you - hire a private investigator or do a background check online (these are about 50 bucks american). There are a ton of things you could. As for documenting it. That's just an idea, but making a really cool road-trip about finding your father could be pretty interesting depending how it was handled. It doesn't mean you need to sell it, you could do it for yourself.
Click to expand...


My father is 47, ex US marine, so that could say alot.

Can you recommend a trustworthy US people search website?

Nah, tried that a million times and they always say find him yourself so in the end, after they sent me a disgustingly rude letter i wrote back saying "well f*ck you too, i'm ashamed to be from your bloodline and go to hell" something along those lines.

Ive no interest in them at all.
 
JavaExMachina said:
I'm not gonna go into personal experience or anything here, because it's a bit personal and only semi-relevant anyway in my case.

But I do get the feeling this is something you want to do, and have an urge to do. I also think it's something you should do.

But do it for yourself, man. Try to find out where this guy went wrong. Whatever this guy's issue is, if he's your father you may have a similar issue if you've inherited certain traits or a certain way of thinking. Meeting him and talking to him lets you look at a reflected image of yourself in a way, and even if you two end up fighting or only meeting briefly or never talking to eachother again, you will have learnt something valuable about yourself.

I don't know about making a documentary about it though. What I would do if I were you is, I would make the journey, then after having reflected upon it (might take days, might take years), I would write a fictional story loosely inspired by your experience but which gets to the same point in a metaphorical way.
Joseph Campbell, Hero's Journey, Oedipus... Starwars... you know?

That's what I would do.
Click to expand...

Yeh man thats what i was thinking. But it was extrememly tedious and difficult talking to him and his retarded hill billy family.

i will try and locate him via the internet but if hes not interested then to hell with the lot of them.
 
If anything, find out the health history - what genetically goes on because that information is so necessary.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top