Making the Grade: new short, feedback needed

[jonE5]

http://www.vimeo.com/8065204


This is my final project for my Digital Video/Film class.

It was shot with a Nikon D90 and 28mm 2.8 and 50mm 1.8 nikon lenses.

Sound was recorded with a Zoom H4n. In some scenes (mostly inside, we used a shotgun type mic mounted on a pole connected to the Zooms XLR input)

Lighting were some basic ikea lights, a china ball, and a few lamps. We struggled getting decent lighting in the small apartment and none of us know much about it.

All of these are classmates or buddies of mine and none are actually actors.

The story is written, directed, edited and shot by me.

One thing I did here was constantly experiment with light, and sometimes things worked and often times they didn't. I don't know much about lighting and i also made the mistake of shooting some scenes at night in a small white walled apartment which isnt the best either.

I am planning on going back and fixing some shots that need an extra transition shots that are needed on some of those fast takes.

I ran out of time to my deadline (trying to coordinate shooting times with a 7 person cast when everyone works full time is difficult), and i think my story was a bit long for the 10 min max TRT that we had. I had to leave some stuff out and i think it made my story more confusing. I tried adding a few lines of dialogue to explain things, but im not sure it worked that well.

It was a good learning experience, but it didnt turn out 100% the way i wanted. This was my first major project doing actual sound and dialogue, my 6th short (been doing this for only about 6 months)

Let me know what you think and what the goods and bads are.

 

[ikander]

Hi Jon...

I realize this is a student effort, and kudos for working so rapidly on so many projects...
Every movie is a learning process, so as long as you keep on learning it's a positive experience...

Here's my thoughts on just the technical side of things:

First, your editing is rough...really rough. It's obvious you're using multiple takes in various scenes. Jump cuts are often abrupt. Responses don't happen quick enough...everything feels slow. This may have been intentional, but I don't think you were going for that. Remember, movies happen at heightened speed than real life...it's what makes them engaging.

It's obvious that your actors are not professionals. I don't fault you or them...but in the future, you'd be suprised how many actors are out there that are willing to work for little or nothing. Ask around and you might find just what you're looking for.

Your audio is really harsh. Sound is hard (I personally still haven't mastered it), but some of your audio at points is just not even usable...not to mention that it randomly cuts out for no reason. And, your music has harsh edits as well (abrupt cuts, bad edits, etc). Plus, your levels all over the place...you need to learn how to master your final mix so that you're not constantly adjusting the volume every time somebody speaks.

Visually, shots look oddly white balanced (the apartment scenes look way to orange). Lighting (like audio) is hard. But, with some work, it does become easier. Before you even worry about lighting a scene, concentrate on finding interesting locations. Nothing is worse than pale white apartment walls or boring school classrooms. If location isn't important to a scene, choose something that is just visually exciting.

Now, on to the story...

The first portion of this movie could simply be cut. Your story doesn't even really start until the 4:50 mark. Plus, what I thought was going to be a movie about science geeks suddenly turns into a blackmail thriller...it almost comes off as comedic. I don't think that was your intention.

Your dialogue feels long and sluggish at points. More importantly, your characters are constantly "narrating" what happens. For instance, having somebody "he's got a gun" isn't necessary...we see that he has a gun. Or, when you say "his phone is ringing. I'm gonna answer it" just have him answer the phone. No need for dialogue.

Now I'll admit that I didn't sit and watch it all the way through...I began skipping ahead to try and make it move faster (the first four minutes are especially slow...way too slow for a ten minute film). And, then when we get to the most interesting part...it's over? Not quite sure if I missed something, but it just felt you were throwing a bunch of things together hoping that they'd work.

On your next effort, take some time to really perfect a script...then begin putting the pieces together.

Anywho, hope I wasn't too harsh. I know how hard film making can be...my movies rarely live up to my own expectations (and are filled with glaring flaws, so I don't want to seem like I know everything...I don't). But, keep working and you'll be amazed at how far you can go!

 

[jonE5]

Hi Jon...

I realize this is a student effort, and kudos for working so rapidly on so many projects...
Every movie is a learning process, so as long as you keep on learning it's a positive experience...

Here's my thoughts on just the technical side of things:

First, your editing is rough...really rough. It's obvious you're using multiple takes in various scenes. Jump cuts are often abrupt. Responses don't happen quick enough...everything feels slow. This may have been intentional, but I don't think you were going for that. Remember, movies happen at heightened speed than real life...it's what makes them engaging.

It's obvious that your actors are not professionals. I don't fault you or them...but in the future, you'd be suprised how many actors are out there that are willing to work for little or nothing. Ask around and you might find just what you're looking for.

Your audio is really harsh. Sound is hard (I personally still haven't mastered it), but some of your audio at points is just not even usable...not to mention that it randomly cuts out for no reason. And, your music has harsh edits as well (abrupt cuts, bad edits, etc). Plus, your levels all over the place...you need to learn how to master your final mix so that you're not constantly adjusting the volume every time somebody speaks.

Visually, shots look oddly white balanced (the apartment scenes look way to orange). Lighting (like audio) is hard. But, with some work, it does become easier. Before you even worry about lighting a scene, concentrate on finding interesting locations. Nothing is worse than pale white apartment walls or boring school classrooms. If location isn't important to a scene, choose something that is just visually exciting.

Now, on to the story...

The first portion of this movie could simply be cut. Your story doesn't even really start until the 4:50 mark. Plus, what I thought was going to be a movie about science geeks suddenly turns into a blackmail thriller...it almost comes off as comedic. I don't think that was your intention.

Your dialogue feels long and sluggish at points. More importantly, your characters are constantly "narrating" what happens. For instance, having somebody "he's got a gun" isn't necessary...we see that he has a gun. Or, when you say "his phone is ringing. I'm gonna answer it" just have him answer the phone. No need for dialogue.

Now I'll admit that I didn't sit and watch it all the way through...I began skipping ahead to try and make it move faster (the first four minutes are especially slow...way too slow for a ten minute film). And, then when we get to the most interesting part...it's over? Not quite sure if I missed something, but it just felt you were throwing a bunch of things together hoping that they'd work.

On your next effort, take some time to really perfect a script...then begin putting the pieces together.

Anywho, hope I wasn't too harsh. I know how hard film making can be...my movies rarely live up to my own expectations (and are filled with glaring flaws, so I don't want to seem like I know everything...I don't). But, keep working and you'll be amazed at how far you can go!

Thanks so much for the comments, i think you really made me realize what I have known all along and its that i need to shorten this and just toss out some of the clips with bad sound, and make things a little faster/tighter. I think originally i wanted to use as much of the footage that i had, but this is not the way to look at it. I have re-edited some parts out, (particularly the ones with the really bad sound) and changed some of the color correction. All together I took about a minute and a half off (mostly before that 4:30 mark) so im hoping it flows a little faster and is a little more palletable now. Im going to continue to play with it, and hopefully trim another 30 secs to a minute off.

I think for this project I tried to do to many new things at once and found myself a little out of my element. I tried to play with lighting more, add sound for the first time, color correction, and working with a cast larger than 2 people all in the same project. It just was a little much and i think i forgot to get all my transition shots (hence the odd jump cuts) because i was so pressed for times, and i was having difficulties getting my actors to say their lines in the inflections that I originally wrote.

I also had the difficulty of not realizing that my laptop looks different than any other screen. All the color correction i did looked good on my laptop, but when i watched it on another screen to my horror everything was all organge and washed out. ughh, so i re-did all the color correction to.

As for which i like more, shooting or editing, im kinda new to both. Ive been both writing and doing photography for years, but making films is very new (like last 6 months since i started even trying to do anything).

Id say i like telling a story in whichever medium. I am finding out that writing for a reader, and for a viewer are totally different kinds of writing and im sort of struggling to adapt. A lot of my writing is very descriptive and often shows characters thoughts, which is not something you can do on the screen, so im trying to change my focus.

Already starting to work on my next script and im going to try to incorporate what ive learned from all my mistakes on this project.

Thanks, keep the feedback comming.

jon

 

[jonE5]

Anyone else care to comment?