SHORT: Machine : Time
- Thread starter Naveed
- Start date
Some sound "isues" I have (but it's in detail)
So all sounds are foleyd I think.... although sometimes I hear some sounds that could be direct sounds...
And some sounds are from a soundlibrary ?
You also used low quality sounds sometimes, like the chair moving...
- sound of moving chair, not the right one..the "moving" part in the sound is ok but the "hit something" part is to much
- remove the first "keyhit" and the last "keyhit" (of the typing, they're to much)
- suddenly the electric buzz stops...it's strange...I connected it with the lamp, but it's not the lamp so ?
- taking the pencil..I think you used the wrong sound for it. It sounds to much like paper.
- the writing, remove the first 15ms of it
- What's that sound between 1:28 and 1:35, it sounds like typewriting....
- do a fade out on "laying down papers", the sound stops to abrupt.
- sound of moving the box... 4 - 5 frames to the right and it's not only the box that moves, also some papers.
- don't forget the "presence sounds"...it's the sounds of human movements (sounds of clothes that move, it's something nobody notices, untill it's not there...and which brings you closer to the person)
- when he walks to the door, the first step is to soon...4 frames or so to the right. Or better...remove the first step and the last one also... I know in normal life when you walk and your one leg is still 2 feet away
you put it next to your other...But it's strange to hear that...
- sound of moving chair when he comes back... not sync realy (also a very bad MP3 sound, coming from a free soundlibrary...)
- you used the same scene twice...
Then storywise..... 0/20
It's ment jokely...But in a way...it's ment... There's no story...Sounds hard ? yes .. But if I'm going to say "yeah very good", you're not helped...So...it's a bad story...Because there's no climax
We don't know what it is about, we don't know some background, flashforward..... We only can guess a story.
So I guess it's a guy who connects himself to a machine, which is like a kind of "drugs" for him that he needs to survive...But actually the machine is taking control of him...
If I'm right, it's just because of experience....
The picture itself looks good
So all sounds are foleyd I think.... although sometimes I hear some sounds that could be direct sounds...
And some sounds are from a soundlibrary ?
You also used low quality sounds sometimes, like the chair moving...
- sound of moving chair, not the right one..the "moving" part in the sound is ok but the "hit something" part is to much
- remove the first "keyhit" and the last "keyhit" (of the typing, they're to much)
- suddenly the electric buzz stops...it's strange...I connected it with the lamp, but it's not the lamp so ?
- taking the pencil..I think you used the wrong sound for it. It sounds to much like paper.
- the writing, remove the first 15ms of it
- What's that sound between 1:28 and 1:35, it sounds like typewriting....
- do a fade out on "laying down papers", the sound stops to abrupt.
- sound of moving the box... 4 - 5 frames to the right and it's not only the box that moves, also some papers.
- don't forget the "presence sounds"...it's the sounds of human movements (sounds of clothes that move, it's something nobody notices, untill it's not there...and which brings you closer to the person)
- when he walks to the door, the first step is to soon...4 frames or so to the right. Or better...remove the first step and the last one also... I know in normal life when you walk and your one leg is still 2 feet away
you put it next to your other...But it's strange to hear that...
- sound of moving chair when he comes back... not sync realy (also a very bad MP3 sound, coming from a free soundlibrary...)
- you used the same scene twice...
Then storywise..... 0/20
It's ment jokely...But in a way...it's ment... There's no story...Sounds hard ? yes .. But if I'm going to say "yeah very good", you're not helped...So...it's a bad story...Because there's no climax
We don't know what it is about, we don't know some background, flashforward..... We only can guess a story.
So I guess it's a guy who connects himself to a machine, which is like a kind of "drugs" for him that he needs to survive...But actually the machine is taking control of him...
If I'm right, it's just because of experience....
The picture itself looks good
thx i know the story some would get some wouldnt, i completley agree with the sound, and it was a free library lol, but i used the same scene twice, it was a time maching, started at 5pm, someone is looking in on him right before he starts the time machine at 5 17pm, then he is back to 4 58pm he then goes and hides, then starts again his original self comes in at 5:00pm. basically it makes you think about time. he was looking at himself becuase he already went trhough it. lol i know its confusing. but thank you for the honest response.
Jon Starr
Veteran
Interesting first short.
Things that stand out:
When we have the POV handheld shot, and we hear the breathing, why is it so firggin loud!? It doesn't sound like he has an asthma problem, and it doesn't look like a gas mask, so why the heavy panting? It was very distracting. I would have put a very subtle breathing, or none at all.
I like the over-all look. Some though was put into production design, which is often overlooked in a first film. Gave it a cool creepy atmo, especially the weird mask.
I agree about the clock. I had to double back because I was hardly paying attention to the times that were being thrown at me. The problem is at first we don't know why, and so many numbers are being thrown at us, we may zone out for the last one which shows us going back in time. So another element would have had to been implemented to make it work, and feel less like a pointless 24 ripoff.
Good job on your first.
Things that stand out:
When we have the POV handheld shot, and we hear the breathing, why is it so firggin loud!? It doesn't sound like he has an asthma problem, and it doesn't look like a gas mask, so why the heavy panting? It was very distracting. I would have put a very subtle breathing, or none at all.
I like the over-all look. Some though was put into production design, which is often overlooked in a first film. Gave it a cool creepy atmo, especially the weird mask.
I agree about the clock. I had to double back because I was hardly paying attention to the times that were being thrown at me. The problem is at first we don't know why, and so many numbers are being thrown at us, we may zone out for the last one which shows us going back in time. So another element would have had to been implemented to make it work, and feel less like a pointless 24 ripoff.
Good job on your first.