SHORT: MACHINE ( sci fi trailer on the GH2)

T

trey

Well-known member
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Hello! I'm posting this here because I'm truly interested in hearing back from you all! I've gotten some feedback from friends already, but I'm hoping to be getting more of a feel from everyone else here. Please share because it drives me insane spending so much time on this stuff and wondering how it comes across to others. Thank you for your time:)

vimeo.com/​29800915

- Trey


 
I'm loving the beautiful black and white shots. Superbly crisp.
The film looks really interesting, where/when will we be able to see it?
 
The VO has some "k" sound in the throught... Which is because of the spittle (saliva ?) in the mouth.
It's the same sound when you're eating and making "eating noise". It's something people have or don't have...

There are also some "plop" sounds (BBBBBBBB en PPPPPPPPPPP), trick is to use a foam.

That's the only thing which is a little "less"... Well you know.. Like as in "aaaaah to bad...but still very nice".

I liked the shots (framing).

Hopefully you're having a good sound design too...
 
Good observation on the VO. It's something I notice, but for whatever reason it doesn't bug me too much. Definitely used a foam on my mic, but think I was a little too close to the talent - maybe?? Not sure, but I think that's the problem.

Trey
 
could be. It could also be not having the "experience" of doing VO.... and pushing to much on some letters.

A trained VO can speak in one level without "ups and downs" in level.
 
Has anybody else checked it out? I find it very educational when I get feedback from strangers. And it's the second trailer I've ever done, so lot's of room to grow yet!
 
Lol. I hope you didn't take that as being harsh dre83. I just meant that observations from people that I have never met before can be more genuine that feedback I get from friends;)

Cheers,

Trey
 
if you want to know the "truth", always ask strangers....

Or, if friends say "yeah it was ok, not bad" that just means: "it was as bad as...."
if they say: whaaw it was great, that means "it was ok".

Just to give you the "friends - strangers" exchange rate :p
 
I think if this is a "mystery" that you want the viewer to learn more about - which seems to be the direction you took with this teaser/trailer you've created, then you might consider showing even less. Perhaps an odd assessment, but I'm thinking of the trailers for "Eyes Wide Shut" and "The Tree of Life" where we learn almost nothing... but the images compel us to learn more. Consider using only the strongest images from your existing edit. In my opinion those are:
1 - the dolly shot/slider shot toward screen left where the boy is being "adjusted"
2 - the dolly shot/slider shot toward screen right where the boy is being further "adjusted" like a marionette
(by the way, this is a nice edit of these two... you could even exaggerate the tension more by cutting as opposed to using a dissolve)
3 - the close up of the pills
4 - the pan down and slight zoom on the actor's face
5 - the dolly in behind the boy

I also think the mystery that is the female voice over is more interesting than the male narration. The male voice reads a bit like a retread of something from a "Terminator" film and the female voice reads like something from a modern version of "Pinocchio".

There is an energy in mystery... and I think you made a great start. I just think you can go further... the fragmentary is always enticing... because we want to piece the puzzle together.

Good luck.

Jon "Mostly lives in technical details about equipment now... but was once a cinematographer and an editor..." Thorn
Senior Product Manager
AJA Video Systems, Inc.
 
Has anyone else had a chance to take a look at the trailer? I feel pretty spoiled by Jon Thorn's ^ comments - very useful. But I'm curious to see what others thought aswell:)

Forgive my persistence, but I'm just excited about the film!

Trey
 
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