Lovefest script

R

Rangerman

Member
Hello I'm new to this site and I'd like to enter into Lovefest. I've written a script and I'd like someone to read it. I'd like to know if the script needs to be tightened up some more or if I need to change some things in it to have the story work better.

Synopsis: A divorced couple search for their missing son.

Seperated

I'm probably going to change the title, I don't think it sounds cool enough, but enjoy.
 
The script could be done in six minutes. Some things to think about though always remember to start your scenes with descriptions, even if its someone crossing a doorway from the outside into the inside, whats Tony's apartment like. Avoid using IS and ARE in the script...

ex. Jessica knocks on the door and IS greeted by Mrs. Saunders - Jessica knocks on the door, Mrs. Saunders, an elderly woman, greets her.

INT TONYS CAR: If Jessica and Tony are talking, have the dialogue scripted out, then if you want it to be inaudible to the audience make note in post.

Try to also avoid using camera descriptions. If you are the writer, write the script, don't play director. There is a seperate rundown for shot selection. Dedicate the script pages to the story, not the camera work.

Pg 4: Jessica and TONY walk towards each other.

Some of the dialogue seems a bit blunt. Read the script out loud to yourself and check to make sure that this is really stuff a separated couple would say to each other. With a short piece every line of dialogue needs to move the plot forward while still providing some exposition and story.

You obviously have a vision but, be a writer first, not a director or a cinematographer. The story carries the visuals.
 
Hey thanks for the writing tips man. I put the script away for a couple of days and re read it and I don't think I'm totally convinced that the two parents are looking for their son. For some reason it seems like they're looking for a missing dog more than a person. I might rewrite it and see what happens.
 
Yeah no worries, just get things straight in your head first and then rewrite and rewrite and rewrite then post it up again.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top