SHORT: Looking for feedback on my latest short

Its cool youre doing silent movies, I think everyone should (teaches you montage theory/constructive editing- how to tell a story with shots of people doing things- see Pudovkins Film Technique and MaMets On Directing Film for more). You don't need to do a silent film homage to do it, either. Glad you resisted the temptation to throw an "old movie" filter on this at least.

I think the Tea one falls into the dreaded "I don't get it" camp.
I say focus on learning this (thats what Im doing anyways):

1 A problem occurs (right when the movie starts- or , in a short in the FIRST SHOT(S) IF YOU CAN)
2 someone tries to fix it
3 they do or dont, in a surprising or resonant or aha or ironic or bittersweet or otherwise satisfying to the audience fashion

but yeah good stuff, you got a cool style and some visual skills, I think....I'm a bit jealous of you- you have a quirky style that works well with limited resources/ no budget. If you learn to edit tighter and make these shorts more about problems and open with the problem sooner you'll be ahead of the game, I think. Example: re-edit the Ice one with the guy downing the drink and the ice being stuck in THE FIRST SHOT or at least the first seconds.


here's what I'm working on (needs pickup shot of vampire teeth and some audio and other stuff)..
no masterpiece but I can assure you noones clicking away from it after two seconds, which we all tend to do with shorts online.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AWO7_9v8D0

start with a problem- first shot if you can, I say!

subscribe to my "shocks from beyond" channel below (not the ray ortiz channel) if you found this useful at all and want to follow my progress on this path

CONSTRUCTIVE EDITING FOR THE WIN
 
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