Local Commercial - Suggestions?

Re: Local Commercial - Suggestions?

It's a little too subtle on what's being advertised.

Otherwise looks good, sound too.
 
Re: Local Commercial - Suggestions?

Thanks dude, but did you get the gist of it?

Did it make sense to you? i've been working on this for awhile and I just wanted to make sure I haven't lost total sight of communicating whats going on.
 
Re: Local Commercial - Suggestions?

If I had something negative to say, it would be that its too slow. Other than that, I understood it. I don't really see any other problem. Kewl!
 
Re: Local Commercial - Suggestions?

Yeah, I think it works, but it does seem pretty slow. You keep coming back to the same shots, and it seems like you're doing so because you didn't have a ton of coverage. But most notably, I'd say that it might help when you introduce the text, you do that a little quicker too. You're on the toaster, on the toaster, on the toaster, and then, okay, there's the text. Just seems like there's a long delay.

The other suggestion I'd make is that you come back to the car a couple of times, or maybe finish on the car. You have to do a lot of mental work to make the connection. You can make the audience think in commercial work, so as to not pander, but you shouldn't have to think around what the product does or is.

Any of that help?
 
Re: Local Commercial - Suggestions?

This isn't a critique about your work but rather the company's logo. I can't make out their name. Can you include their website at the end? Also, if you want to pick up the pace how about throwing in a shower?

Or, if you want to illustrate just how nice it is to have a car starter, what if you showed how cold and snowy it is outside before you get to the alarm clock?

One thing I felt as I watched it was that some of the shots felt too tight. It seemed maybe just a little claustrophobic? That won't really help you at this point. But that was just my gut reaction that I wanted to share. Overall I think it's a clever concept that drove the point home. Viva la auto-toaster!
 
Re: Local Commercial - Suggestions?

toilet bob

Hey man, I watched it a few times and have some thoughts. Feel free to do what you want with them.

To me the automatic things - coffee, truck and toast are not landing - it's not clear what is going on. I have a few suggestions to help clarify.

I agree that some of the shots may be too close. For example, the coffee starting up is so close we don't know it's the coffee machine. Seems like that could be a little wider or different.

And the clock on the coffee machine turns from 7:00 to 7:01 - this too is a litle confusing - aren't you saying that he uses his automatic switcher to turn it on and not that it's the time that turns it on?

Also, I think it would help to actually see the guy while he's hitting the switch, then you can do closeups for the toast, coffee and car. I think that would help clarify what is going on. Plus seeing his facial expressions while pushing the buttons could be funny. You could intercut with his 'happy with himself' or pleased facial expressions to land that it's good to have this automatic thing.

Also the shot of the car is too quick to get what's going on. I would consider having that cut longer and also maybe doing that one last, since it's the most extreme of the 3 automatic things.

And I think it would help in the beginning if you first land the alarm for a beat, then see the guy wake up then grab the thing. Right now it's a lot of information very fast.

And I would trim the last shot of the toaster & him walking out before we see the text. Feels a little long.

Hopefully there's one thing in thing you can find useful.
Bill
 
Re: Local Commercial - Suggestions?

Thanks a bunch for your comments you guys.

Yes I too wish that I had shot some wider shots, live and learn. Same thing with the car, however its my bosses car, and I should be able to get more of it, just gotta wait for the right light.

Opening with a shot of the snowy alaskan flippin cold terrain, I felt was a great idea, and as soon as I get back to work, I'll see what I can do.

I'll try and post a new version if I get the time.

Again, thanks, all of you. I was really banging my head against the wall on this one. It looked good on paper, but it didn't work as well when I put it together.

-Tyler
 
Re: Local Commercial - Suggestions?

My two cents...

First, I only have these comments to make because this is great work and inspiring...

I like the fact that you don't see the guys face, since it's not about him. Perhaps you carry the gimmick further by turning off the alarm clock with the remote as well? I was going to suggest one of the autostarts be a shower, but Mike beat me to it. I also think instead of the second cut to the coffee cup being filled, it would work better if he is grabbing the cup just like he grabs the toast on his way out the door. And maybe insert starting the car between grabbing the coffee and toast. Makes no sense that he would start the car before even getting dressed. And with this new flow it could perhaps help to tighten up that last hang on the toaster shot..

I had to watch it two or three times to realize the clock on the coffee maker was a coffee maker. It comes across as a second alarm clock and threw me. Perhaps just cut to the drip starting from the cut of the remote.

I also agree the logo at the end is too hard to read.

Composition and production is excellent in all but one shot. The alarm clock is bland in comparison to the beautiful toaster shot with DOF. Is it possible to place a lamp on the nightstand and maybe a book or glass of water or photo frame? And more color on that wall?

Great work. I laugh every time I watch it because I used that same song in a demo I did too. Yay Apple Freeplay Music! Definitely change that. ;D
 
Re: Local Commercial - Suggestions?

Good! I think it has potential, its way too long though. I can tell what you're going for but its taking too long to get there, especially since your frames are so empty. One thing I've been noticing with some filmmakers here is the lack of production design and using color schemes to match. If you can make a quicker cut of this it would help out quite a bit.
 
Re: Local Commercial - Suggestions?

Thanks your feedback guys.

Atomic Creations, while this may be lost on those who don't live in alaska. the guy starts his car early because up here you have to let your car warm up for a good twenty minutes before you should drive it when the tempreratures are -40.

Just thought I'd throw some arctic trivia in there. But you're right, the alarm clock is pretty bland, and i'll probably try to reshoot it today if possible. I love the toaster shot, and the shot of him straightening out his tie. but I felt that everything else was a little bland in comparison.

I never thought of the coffee pot looking like another alarm, but I can definitely see it now...hmmm, big whoops there.

For all you thinking about the shower, I did shoot one, then I took it out, but with the long toaster shot cut down, I might be able to slap it back in.

I'll try to speed it up some, I'm at work right now and thats my first project on the list.

Thanks guys
 
Re: Local Commercial - Suggestions?

I watched the clip and would love to post a response, but everyone already covered all the items I would point out. So just read the previous posts to see my response ;D

Good job, enjoyed it, anxious to see the New and Improved version.
 
Re: Local Commercial - Suggestions?

Oh and the logo, its not up for discussion, so sayeth the manager. problem is, they got it on all their trucks in a fantastic detail job.

So I gotta live with what I get. no matter how much I agree with you guys. :'( life is so unfair.
 
Re: Local Commercial - Suggestions?

I don't think anyone would suggest altering a corporate identity. But if there was a way to add another tag line, or i believe someone suggested a web address.

Thanks for the trivia. Such is the life of a So. Cal driver. I had no idea.  ;D

I'm wearing short sleeves today. :P
 
Re: Local Commercial - Suggestions?

Myself being a from the car audio field (19 years) I always want to do a remote start commercial, two neighbors the one always out does the other till winter time comes around then you see the neighbor who is out doing the other out side scaping the ice off his car and the other standing at the kitchen window rasing a cup of coffee. Then the camera pans to the other car all warm and defrosted.
 
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