Local 30 second spot looking for feedback

U

UtahDPDude

Active member
I am working on this 30 second spot. They came to me with just a week to shooot a commercial that is going to be on the local ABC channel here. So this is what I came up with and shot it in a day. Please I would love some feedback, colors, lighting, graphcis, etc... I had a few tungston lights and the store had huge pictures pane windows. It has to be done for tuesday. Take a look.
www.copperrain.com/ink
thanks.
 
I like cut 4's music the best.

The water filling the glass needs to be heard....in fact you should have some kind of sfx for EVERY shot.

Well done.
 
I agree SFX on every shot. the music for cut 4 was a little too funky for it. The 100% graphic on cut 4 works on the wide shot and I would rather see the locations at the end. the more info the better, maybe throw in a phone number or website (on closeup shot of guy)
 
YEah on the same lines.. I would like to see an exterior of the actual outlet whilst he is talking about the X number of locations.
 
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