Life's like that.

David Jimerson said:
"Huh. This rental car has Alice in Chains in the CD player. Weird."
Click to expand...

This car was PRISTINE, practically brand new. Perhaps if I had dug through the glove compartment, I would have thought something was strange. The weirder thing is that I sat in the lot with the car for a few minutes familiarizing myself with it. Nobody stopped me.
 
While working a short stint at a factory in my late teens, I was given the opportunity to drive the forklift. Pick up a roll of material and transport it to the machinery... fairly simple.

What wasn't so simple was getting through the doorway between sections of the factory. In concentrating upon not hitting anything to the sides, I neglected to see how high the forklift's "lifty bits" had risen. Smacked the lift arm square into the archway, knocking the lintelpiece a good couple inches out of place. Had I been trucking about faster, good chance I could have collapsed that wall.

Sadly (perhaps wisely) they never gave me another chance.
 
Another band story:

Playing a bar on break and was sitting and chatting to the door man, for chat.
One pair of people were entering and asked me if I was broke. They'de pay the door if I wanted to go in.
I thanked them and said "Thanks, I'm okay."


The same bar, got done a set and tried to find a spot in the bar to sit and have a beer.
I found a slot to sit down on one of those long bench deals and asked the people if I could sit down "It's hard to find a seat in here."

They smiled and said "Sure, have a seat." So we gabbed away for awhile and he mentions" btw, the band sucks tonight."
I just ignored that and carried on with the conversation. Nice friendly people.

A bit later I had to go up and play another set.
When I came back to the table, they were gone.

-----
One more.


Another bar. Was sitting in the audience not drinking in Toronto on break.
One girl came up to me and asked "Do you want a beer? Play pool? C'mon down. We're from P.E.I".

So I did, she bought me a beer and I played a game.
I saw the guys going back on stage and said to her "I have to go play now."

She gave me the dirtiest look I'll never forget. She thought I was using her and she didn't know I was in the band. (full house.)
I went back to the table after the set and, yep, they were gone.

I got a million of them.
 
it happned yesterday

filming a wedding, 8pm at night

an amateur photographer came to me while I was having my quick dinner (I didnt eat or drink anything from 7am in the morning, so my stomach hurts like Shiit)

he said "i dont know if this is related to you, but the MC is going to play the slideshow " , very politely.

I look to the oppsite site and said " yeah yeah, go ahead and take your pictures".

that was rude, I didnt apologize.
 
17 me and my buddy were having some rum mixing it up with some coca cola. We just came from the movies (Matrix Revolutions). 1 hour later both pretty drunk we see a police car
in the distance. We decide to split as we are not yet of legal age to drink (it's 18 in EU). "yeah yeah, just this last sip" I say. I tip the bottle, do the sip look down and he's gone - I
still don't get it how he could have disappeared so fast??? Okey I start to run, have no idea what's going on as I'm fairly drunk:) I go down some stairs, I run, and suddenly a cop pushes me to a wall. He hits my head a couple of times asking where is my friend. Bam! "Where's your friend", "I don't know", Bam! "Where's your friend" "I don't know", etc. So then he drags me up to the car. As it turns out I wasn't running away from the cops I was running towards them as the car was just a couple of meters in the direction I was running (it was a slight hill so I couldn't see + I was drunk remmember). The cop puts me on the car with my feet and legs spread. I felt like a total criminal. My friend starts walking back to the car, comming back to help me. The cop runs towards him grabs him violently and throws him on the car. We both get busted. Meanwhile while the cops partner cheeks our id's we get questioned where we bought the liqueur. We both played dumb as we didn't won't to get the little private store where we bought the rum in trouble. Then the cop calls in for backup! We were like WTF??
The backup comes, it's a big wan for making arrests and such. But before the backup arives the cop looks around and finds a broken rum bottle and some other stuf that weren't ours and he also finds an opened up fuse box. He rudely nags us about it, etc. So the backup comes (for two totally drunk teens) and things kinda cool down. It was a lady cop and she talks to us about the Matrix. I remember her asking us if Trinity dies, we said yes, she was happy.
Soooo, eventually the cops let us go, and we proceed to the club where we were initially planning to go. But I got really sick - as I obviously shouldn't have made that last sip of rum - and we sit down on some stairs in front of the club. I got a bit delusional at this point as I started shushing my friend saying "quiet quiet, I think they put a listening device on me". I was sooo drunk, I kept saying this for the remainder of the night. In my drunk head, it wasn't logical why the cop beat me up as I didn't do anything. So I figured that the beating was just a distraction for him to plant a listening device on me. Anyway we were sitting in front of the club, my friend had a girl inside that he really wanted to meet-up with but he stayed with me because I started, you guest it, puking! So the next thing I know it's 6am and I'm in the garage of my building.

A month or so later we both got an indictment saying that we need to appear before a judge. Mine said that: I was resisting arrest, destroying private property, that I received professional punches from the cop (explained in detail), that I tried to hit the cop, etc. etc. I almost blew a fuse in my head when I was reading this SCFY. In the end we explained everything to the judge (just as I'm doing it now to you) and the whole thing went away, but man, we could have gotten a permanent record because of it!

In retrospect it's funny, especially because I was running towards the cop car and not away, and because I firmly believed that I had a bug on me. Nobody could talk to me for the whole evening as I kept shushing everybody.
 
Gord - forgot which one I told you? What was it about?

I have one. Remember the 80s? Remember spandex? Well, I lived in this subdivision out in the boonies. Lots of horses, but we didn't have any. Next door neighbor did, though. They had a small horse, white coat, very silky. That day I was wearing spandex pants.

Asked if I wanted to ride. Not really. Oh, get on the horse. Now, the horse DID NOT have a SADDLE. It's like 100F outside. So bareback, spandex, hot day. I got on and slipped right off. Shortest ride in history.
 
I found 2 dollars at the bar, under a stool with a jacket on it and a beer I front of it. There was no one there but the napkin on top of the beer holding the place.

I normally take money in this situation, but instead I put the money back on top of the beer napkin. I felt really charitable and hung back to watch my good deed unfold. I wouldn't introduce myself, just be a silent guardian that returned their unknown lost money.

As the owner of the beer returned, I almost smiled. He stood next to the stool looking a bit confused, the bartender came up and asked if that was his beer.
"Yeah"
"is that your money on it?"
"...no"
"no? So it's just like some phantom tip?"
"Ha, yeah I guess."
"That's pretty weird," the bartender said, "more for the bucket."

They laughed off this weird occurrence of randomly appearing currency.

He threw the money into the tip bucket with all the other normal, noncharitable tip dollars.

I stood alone behind it all, sipping my beer.
 
Remembered another humiliating story. I was doing some PA work on a music video back in the stone age. One scene was set in a kitchen, and for a POV shot the actress was supposed to throw an egg at some plexiglass between her and the camera. Like a dumbass, I decided to stand right behind the camera during a take. I am 6 foot 5. You can guess what happened next. Actress throws the egg. Egg sails over plexigass, over camera, and hits me square in the face.
 
Battuta, I shall refrain from the gratuitous "you got egg on your face for that one" comment.

Sorry, Evil Doc took over my keyboard before I could stop him.
 
This might not be a big deal to some of you but it was to me. I was at work one day being friendly to the folks coming and going in and out of the building. I saw this well dressed fairly decent looking woman who smiled at me as if it was her way of saying hello. I smiled back and attempted to do my usual small talk and noticed that she was pregnant. So, after I greeted her with a hello and a smile the next words that came out of my mouth proved to be one of the most embarrassing moments I've experienced at work. I said to her..."So, what are you having?" She had this puzzled look on her face and said "excuse me?" Now...one would think I would have caught my mistake when she had that look on her face. But I proceeded to ask her the question in a different way. I said "is it a boy or a girl?" This time the color of her white skin started to turn a bit pinkish red. It was at this moment in a room full of bystanders when I realized what I did. That poor woman replied...."I'm not pregnant." Man...I was floored. I usually never "really" have a loss of words but I think my mouth just hung open for what felt like forever in this awkward moment silence. Yes...you could here a pin drop. I think the people listening in the room was waiting to hear what was going to happen next. I remember covering my mouth saying "Oh my God" I'm sorry...I had no...idea... Heck I didn't know how to recover from that. I could feel the snickering going on around me. There was nothing I could have said to make this better. But to my suprise....she was a real trooper. I think she started feeling bad for me....even though I was the one who insulted her. She replied "I'm just a big girl....don't worry." (she was NOT that big...only her belly) She said it while putting her hand out to console me. At that point I really did need some consoling. She could have easily went off on me but she didn't. Nevertheless....I have since learned my lesson. It's been just "hello...how are you....and goodbye" ever since.
 
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Part of me wants to let you guys have fun at my expense..... then there is the sane side of me.... I could tell you about how Pocohantas hit on me.....and not in a good way. Or there was the time I had a 5150 who was accused of chopping his dad up with an axe (Dad's name was "Steve") and how he got free of his restraints and freaked me out.

Or the time I asked a lady of the night as a young innocent guy.....directions, and got caught up in a sting operation...... Or the time I was delivering oxygen to the home of some drug dealers, and got a shotgun to my head for my troubles.


LOL, life sucks sometimes.....but if you can't laugh at yourself......rest assured everyone else will do it for you. LMFAO!!!!!!!!
 
Then there was the time I was location scouting for my student film. I needed woods close to Los Angeles so naturally I started looking in Griffith Park. Well...I discovered there are parts of Griffith Park you don't want to roam around in during the day if you are a single male. I first noticed a lot of vehicles were parked on the nearby road. Then guys started coming out of the bushes. One of them looked like John Goodman in The Big Lebowski. He smiled at me in a peculiar way. I finally put two and two together, realized I was in a major gay pickup spot, and retreated quickly to my vehicle. One guy followed me in his car for quite a while before figuring out I wasn't interested. That's life in the big city.
 
I was about 13 playing baseball. I was playing first base.
The pitcher beaned the batter in the mid pelvis area.
I busted out laughing and couldn't stop.
The umpire banned me from the game and made me remove my team t-shirt and sit in the benchers until the game was over.

Obviously a pedo [correction=peder-ass]. -beers.

 
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A few weeks ago I was DPing a comedy show, I was filming a female comedian get ready for a show backstage as part of an opening bit for the edit, the audio guy was there and because she was wearing a tight dress, they were struggling to find a spot to put the audio transmitter. They eventually decided to use a leg band and she was going to hide it up her skirt near her lady parts. This whole time I was trying to get my headset/com unit to work and was talking with the other crew in the auditorium totally oblivious to the situation around me or that I was staring blankly in the general direction of her crotch while she repeatedly was asking me "Do you mind?! Do you MIND?!" It was a bit awkward after that.
 
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