I feel sad

H

Huy Vu

Veteran
For the past few weeks I've been working on a short film. It's pretty far along in post production at the moment, even the music is completed, all I was waiting for is to reshoot one quick scene before releasing it online.

Yesterday I got an email from my lead actress and apparently her mother isn't happy with the film and doesn't want it to be made public. The problem is an on-camera kiss between the two leads which drives the entire narrative, and the mother isn't too keen on that. Now I own all rights to the film and my actress is over 18, all the paperwork and such were worked out so legally I don't have to pay attention to her at all. However out of respect for my actress, who is also a good friend of mine, I asked if she wanted me to pull the film. Unfortunately today she replied asking me not to put it online. And I'll honor her request.

I gotta say I'm pretty bummed out. A film is really meant to be seen, not rot on my hard drive. This especially sucked because it was a particularly tough shoot and the story was a personal one to me. Of course I can always wait a few months and release it without the mother being any the wiser, but I won't do that. Sometimes being a good friend sucks.
 
I would think that if she is YOUR good friend, she would understand that all of the work that you, herself, and THE REST OF YOUR CREW put in to this deserves to be shown. If her mother was going to be such a stakeholder in the outcome of this project, she should have been part of the process.

I would go talk to the mother, and tell her it's really too late. If she doesn't want to watch it, she doesn't have to. I don't think it's fair to everyone else that she does this, but that's just my two cents. That sucks dude.
 
I understand that your actress helped you make this project possible by working for free. Am I correct? Sounds like she's a good friend and in the long run, you may need her. No need to burn bridges.
 
Voytech said:
I understand that your actress helped you make this project possible by working for free. Am I correct?
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Yes, she did. Everyone contributed their time on this project. All of the actors, the crew and myself belong to the same acting group; we're very supportive of our members and if they know that she's not comfortable having the film out there, they would have supported her 100%.

Mike, my first reaction to reading the email was the same as yours: the mother can just bug off. Even my friend sounded unhappy with how her mom felt. The mistake I made was trying to avoid giving her a straight "no" answer by telling her that I would abide by her decision. Her reply was unexpected to say the least; I really thought that she would put the project first. Now that the words are out of my mouth I can't very well turn back on them. In retrospect it was a bad call.
 
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This is why they say, "Never do business with friends."

You have to respect her wishes...even if she is a good friend, we're really talking about her Mother here. Blood is thick.

On the positive side, maybe you could use this to really tweak the script, etc. Then you can re-cast and shoot it again for release. I'm sure it's been done before?

Good life-lesson here.....
 
Voytech said:
One more thing... Are we talking about a regular girl-boy kiss or something more scandalous?
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Nothing out of the ordinary. I made sure to ask her before hand whether she was comfortable with it and she is.

I will not be reshooting because as far as I'm concerned it's already completed and there's no point in doing it again.
 
Well, whatever happens, do not use her as an actress again. If you get burned twice, it is completely your fault.
 
I'm sorry to hear this Huy. I always love your films. These are unfortunate circumstances and I am sure that it is a powerful film. Out of curiousity however, since you are unable to release it online (as per her request), does that mean film festivals as well? I understand she mentioned public, but if your friend only stated online...

What does the rest of your cast/crew think? Are they now not able to use this movie for their demo reels because their promotion would be considered "public viewing"? I do value true friendship and I understand your position, but as the director you also have to consider the feelings, time and effort of your other cast/crew members.

Kegan
 
Hunter007 said:
Out of curiousity however, since you are unable to release it online (as per her request), does that mean film festivals as well? I understand she mentioned public, but if your friend only stated online...
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Technically all she cares about is that her mother doesn't find out so I'm sure I'm fine on that front. Although I'm never one for the festival route as I would rather the film just be available online for people to watch whenever they'd like.

Hunter007 said:
What does the rest of your cast/crew think? Are they now not able to use this movie for their demo reels because their promotion would be considered "public viewing"?
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Now that's a good question. I haven't told them yet because I just received her reply today, but I expect they would be supportive of her decision. The main thing would be in the reel usage, which is an area I'm currently mulling over because I've already incorporated footages from this film into my reel, including the kiss. I've taken my reel offline for now while I consider whether or not to reedit that scene out or not.
 
I guess this is confusing to me. First let me say that I completely respect the esteem with which you (and the rest of your team) treat your friends. The world needs more people like that. The challenge that I am having is that she seems to be absolving her self of any responsibility that she has to a collaborative effort. There can be more at stake here than just her and her mom's feelings. My guess is that many people put time and effort into this. I would also guess that, as a grown woman, this actress would have been aware in advance of how her mom might react. So she was gambling with other people's time and effort knowing this was a possibility. That is irresponsible and unfair (IMHO)>

So what she should have done (if she were really a friend) was either excuse herself from the role, or stand up to her obviously very controlling mother and tell her that she made a choice and has to stand by it.

I agree that blood is thick, but this isn't really healthy behavior. I would guess there is way more going on here between this mom and daughter than this role.

I don't really have any advice except to do what will bother you the least when you go to sleep at night. I don't think there is a "right" answer. But BE HONEST with yourself about how this affects your friendship. Sometimes resentment can build up over things like this. If you just put on a happy face and say it's fine when this is obviously really bothering you, is that really better than releasing the film against her mother's wishes?
 
While I admire your decision, I do think that you should consult with the rest of your cast and crew. You are the director and ultimately the one responsible for what happens with the movie, but with regards to burning bridges...one bridge is better than multiple, at least in my opinion.

You've worked very hard for this, as did your cast and crew. I'm sure its a product to be proud of and one that they'd love to include in their reels...don't take that away from them.

Maybe take all files currently online, offline and delay the release of the film until she and the mother resolve the differences they may have with regards to the kiss. I understand it may be a cultural thing and not necessarily a fight that's happening right now, but it does seem a little strange as your friend was okay with it in the beginning...

However, take what I have to say with a grain of salt as I'm probably bias - I just want to see another one of your films, heh.

Kegan
 
You know what I say...If the mother doesn't want it released, ask her for money in the amount of the time, effort and capital you invested in the project. Then you'll find out how much she really doesn't want it made public...Personally, I think you'd be being a better friend by telling the mother no so your friend can deal with the issue and have a healthier relationship with her domineering mother.
 
Well, as much as I hesitate to get involved with these kinds of dynamics . . .

I used to live an an apartment complex in Charlotte that was along a two-lane road. This road was a popular artery from downtown out to the residential areas, so there was always a steady stream of cars during the drive hour. One of the major belts on the northeast side ran under this road, and there was an exit from that belt to this road, but there was a stop sign at the end of it. The upshot is that anyone at that stop sign was going to be waiting for a long time during the drive hour, because the flow of cars was almost constant.

There would always be someone, though, who would stop in the middle of the road to let the person at the stop sign through, sometimes several.

Seems like a good samaritan, right?

Well, that person, by stopping to let one person -- or a few -- through, would be stopping the dozens of cars behind them in order to do it. And, this line of traffic would be stopped in front of a fire station, not to mention that it would often back up all the way to another major artery.

Now, that's not in the mind of the person who's stopping to let the other guy make the turn. They're just trying to help someone. But they're taking it upon themselves to inconvenience dozens and dozens of other people to do it. (And, it's illegal besides.)

You and your friend are both operating from what you consider to be good intentions, no doubt about it. But this thing is larger than either, or both, of you. So, before you make your final decisions here, you really should involve everyone else who donated their time, energy, and sweat to get this thing done. You may honor your friend's wishes, but you may also have a whole group of people who might not want to work with you again, and to be honest, putting your friendship with one person over all of that is selfish in itself.

At the very least, take it up with your friend again, because you gave her a very easy out which she may have grabbed without really considering what it would mean.
 
Good analogy David

I encounter drivers like that all of the time. I admire the spirit of what they are doing, but more often than not they are putting people in danger and not considering the bigger picture.

There can be an arrogance in personal ethics that I am not always comfortable with....but that's another story

:beer:
 
I would keep this quite simple.

Calculate the cost in wages for the hours each member of your cast/crew at standard industry rates for the size production it was. Calculate your costs in labor, craft services, rentals, etc.

Go speak to the mother and explain the following:

The following cast and crew (present her a list) donated time to make this production with the reasonable expectation that they would be able to use the finished product for their resume/reels. They signed agreements to that effect as did I. If I cannot produce the finished product and allow them to use it, then they deserve compensation for their time, otherwise they would have grounds to sue me for breach of contract.

If we cannot release the film because of your wishes, then I need you to provide compensation for my cast and crew at industry rates (provide the spreadsheet) so that I do not get sued. If you cannot offer compensation, then I have no choice but to release the film or potentially go bankrupt. Thank you for understanding.

Either will you get to release your film, or you will get a fat check. But in either case, the mother will get a harsh lesson in the realities of a collaborative business, you will seem reasonable because you are merely trying to protect yourself from legal trouble, the daughter will get to save face because it is not her decision that has caused the drama.

Now on a personal note, that is the VERY last time I would cast her in anything I did. If she asks to be in a role, I would make it painfully clear that you can not jeapordize another production because of her mother's random approval or disapproval, and you need to work with someone who can act professionally on their own accord.

Working with friends in a professional capacity is fine. But, when the business is jeopardized, the friendship must yield to the business at hand. If you and your friends cannot operate under those types of rules, then don't involve friends in your business.

I can tell you right now that had this been a feature, and you had a guarantor and completion insurance, your butt would be in a sling right now.
 
Can you edit the kiss? Do something to make it better for the Mom? Sorry if it was my film and all this was agreed too in advance then I'd show the movie.

Also people are going to not want to work with you if you don't release movies because of things like this. It is just a kiss!! Mom must really be old school!!!
 
PerroneFord said:
I can tell you right now that had this been a feature, and you had a guarantor and completion insurance, your butt would be in a sling right now.
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If this has been a business arrangement, there would have been no dilemma. Of course I would have said no; anything less would have been ridiculous. The fact that this is essentially a collaboration between friends is what makes it difficult. I will discuss this further with my cast and seek their thoughts on this.
 
The billing thing sounds like a good way to try and make the Mom understand, but I doubt it will work. I would guess this is a very passive/aggressive strategy on the Mom's part. SHe would probably say something like "I never said that you can't release this film. I only said that I am very disappointed in my daughter and I don't want anyone to see this"

Of course, now I am completely and irresponsibly speculating...
 
Hunter007 said:
What does the rest of your cast/crew think? Are they now not able to use this movie for their demo reels because their promotion would be considered "public viewing"? I do value true friendship and I understand your position, but as the director you also have to consider the feelings, time and effort of your other cast/crew members.

Kegan
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At the very least, the cast and crew should be assembled so this actress can explain to them that the movie cannot be released because her mom didn't like her kissing someone on screen. I would not let her make me, as the director, the scapegoat. If she is going to jeopardize the entire production because she is afraid to anger her mother, then she should be the one to explain that to the crew. Don't let her hide behind the scenes and have someone else fall on their sword for her.
 
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