Hitman - Short Film

A lot of fun mate. Generally I don't like the "it was all a dream" endings but you set it up really well so I didn't feel cheated. Super cool.

If I was to give you any critique it would just be to space the two characters out more during the foot chase. It could've been that he was just toying with his prey, but I never got that impression while I was watching, I kept feeling like it wasn't realistic that we wasn't just grabbing him if he was that close.

It's also really nice to see that HVX footage looks so good even with mpeg-1 encoding. ;) Again cheers mate it was pretty solid.
 
nice work, I really like the look of the film. What settings in camera did you use? Handheld was done with fig rig? 35 adapter?

one story criticism, the chase seen at the beginning was a little unrealistic considering 'one shot' uses a gun and doesn't need to catch his victim, but if a dream than why not I guess.
 
I thought this was pretty well done. I liked the colors and photography for the most part. As far as the story line I found it hard to believe a pro hit man would just chase someone down the street and struggle to keep up with the moves put on him by the street punks. His character seemed more collected and scheming than that. One thing I almost laughed at was the bullet hit in the train where he gets hit but somehow the bullet doesn't break or even penetrate the glass behind his head. I also wasn't sure how I felt about the whole ending. It seems the whole oh it wasn't real, it was a dream plot has been over done by hollywood. All in all a good effort and a great job keep up the great work.
 
Overall I was entertained throughout which is obviously the goal. The blood effects were really, really fake looking, and I think a bit more work on them would make it alot more solid as a whole. The V.O kinda reminded me of Max Payne. I sat through the whole thing and didn't once look at the time, so good job. It didn't seem like 10:00. I also agree w/ the above about the chase scenes, spread them out a bit more.

Thanks for sharing. Tim.
 
First let me say I am not meaning to be mean in my thoughts. Hopefully you can get something from what I am saying.

7days trailer: I highly reccremend taking down the MPAA rating. If they infact did not approve your film. I am certain there are legal ramifications you might encounter. Also I thought it was too long, and too many tracks of music, and also made me confussed, I really like FightClub, and hearing there track hurts my ears. I think you make a film, you make the music. Not to mention the legal ramifications as well for ASCAP/BMI. Now on the the shooting. There are a bucnh of shots that look great in the beginning, BUT then you intertwine shots from the short and it throughs the quality off to me. Everyones name is from the front of thier face but the bosses name is at his back of his head. The random barrel while running tipped over as an opsticle doesnt work for me. No info after the film, such as, writen, directed, starring, release date , website etc...

On the the effects. They looked good in this comparred to "hitman" loved the car on freeway which appears to have fallen off the 16 wheeler trailer and would love to see the whole scene.



#2 "HitMan" First off. The VO was great, I love Max Payne, and have concoured that game many ah time.. Open shot and monologue. Doesnt quite fit, into the story. Who was watching him? Why is he walking back and forth in that court yard.. ( Thought it would tie in better if you had people walking by in white coats and then at the end do the same shot but with him pacing left to right in the wheel chair with the same paople walking in white coats. Then Fade to Black.

Now he is a professional hitman. Some questions; Would a professional stretching hult and get invoved in a chase? I answer is no. Reason: We learn from Jean Reno character in "The Professional" or also titled "Leon" that hitman are more so hemits, and forgetable faced. Also very sneeky. Vedi vedi sneeaky. I also dont think this character if not completley introvert still would not chase. But rather see him in training, and then do some trickey we wish we could do and slowly slight the guys throat. Do the slips and stab the other guys fit, hoping up from the slips and jabbing another knife through the bottom of the neck towards the skull. My be overboard. But entertaining, and you can get the picture.

The chase scene with black guy #2: I think if this guy is so quick and does some neat things. And I definitely give you props for thinking about the fence maneuver, i really thought that was good, and cleaver, and shot well. Now the poll spin was also a nice addition, but some issues. You are showing Black guy #2 to be quite the crafty gymnast. But his landing and head turn doesnt flow with the character. Also there is a cut in there that doesnt work right as soon as he grabs the pole and starts swinging.

The jumping over tracks thing was great. But basic film psychology tell us we need to watch our Screen Drection and to be carfule when "crossing the line", also known as the Axis of Action.Just plane confuses the crap out of the audience. Now, we got the point, but two differnt locations your tight shot jrunning rummping right then master shot jumping left, just confusing and hard on the eyes. You can cross the line if you stop on the line, and if you have a refrence, but the shot just toytaled my eyes.

Also your HitMan character has great aim, but why chase when we could have and would have been a bigger impact to shot that off. LIKE, Black guy #2 does that fence grab, and the HitMan misses the grab and the kids runs off, HitMan still chasing and draws his gun, and when black guy #2 is swinging the HitMan shoots him and black guy#2 falls in swinging momentium of is dead. BUT in the train you have the HitMan shooting a a good angle that it would not shatter the glass behind him, but what about the entrance of the bullet throught the train from outside to in. Just some good foley and you are safe. That will make it a little more believable. Also when black guy #2 falls, what happened to the blood and the brains on the train ??

Now you also get confuessed when black guy #1 gets shot. THEY ARE WEARING ALMOST IDENTICAL WARDROBE.. You couls have established that they were differnt with an overhead shot, then showing Black guy #1 being shot, and so on...

One thing that I really dont enjoy seeing, When he shoot the hooker in daylight, in the middle of TimeSquare, and no one looks, And well the fact that he is also shooting a hooker in the middle of daytime, and in the middle of time square. Why is a hooker in the middle of the middle of TimeSquare hooking in the day time? Only been in Jail once for an Unreg Gun? This guy killed maybe 5 people in day light in font of a massive amount witnesses :)

No onto Character "Jimmy" scene. Love that Ramp introducing him. Just perfect. Very "Snatch" But you have him kicking a black guy on the ground, but nararion doesnt having anything to pertain to that visual. THEN you have "Jimmy" flipping HitMan. WHY.. .Are we to assume that "Jimmy" trained HitMan to be a well.. HitMan :) Remember your audience is smart, but they want to be entertained, not have to think, of course we are talking about this genre. Not others. Because I loved Syriana and FightClub both 100% thinking movies.

Roof Top Scene: Oh man, this one is border line for me.. But here it goes. Cranse shot was absolutely perfect. While the VO is going, it goes with Jimmy's lips. I am sorry but that reminds me of a commecerial about tampons, or advil.. Where they use the same thing quite a bit.

I think the end was good, lead you to believe something was going to happen and then she get interrupted, so you were just hanging on your seat.. BUT THEN it goes into a music video??? And the end makes no sense as far as mologue is concerned. We get that his has been insane the whole time, but is ther another way you can convey that without all that pointless stuff mololouge and shots of the DR. as if he is going to rape the guy tonight in his padded cell.....

I will give you this, the DP, had an eye for composistion with MOST of the film.

Just my opinion.

Post Script. I watched both 5 times each.
 
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I just want to know--

What was the purpose of the dude spinning on the pole?

I stopped the movie right there. Sorry man.
 
Kholi, I have to agree with you on that decision. But I stuck it out just to see what happens. The short isn't bad but it just has certain things in there that make no sense. The whole chase in the beginning is laughable because if this guy was such a bad ass he would have drove by and shot them without them even knowing what was going on. Then the ending to me was cheap because it didn't deal with the real problem that had come up and seemed like an easy out of the situation. If the story was solid then it would have been much better.
 
Yeah, seriously.

It wouldve been a lot better if the dude tried to swing on the pole, got halfway through his swing, and then the guy shot him off of the pole.

That would've been gold.
 
Going to be blunt so I hope you don't take any of these criticisms too seriously or think I'm trying to be rude.

Just as far as the technical issues go, things were kind of mixed. Some stuff indicates a fair amount of technical flair and somewhat of a budget while other stuff seems rather amatuerish and betrays the rest of the piece.

Much of the action stuff, the more complicated things are very well pulled off. Things like the leaping in front of the train, the fence, and the poll spin all were pulled off nicely. Running over the guy also looked quite believable and the large amount of well executed crane shots and variety of locations indicates a decent budget or gives the impression of such.

On the other hand, other things just feel amateur-ish. The digital blood spatters simply don't look right. I found myself wondering how you could pull of other things so well but couldn't apparently afford squibs. One thing that would make these look not only more believable but make them feel more powerful dramatically would be not to show the bullet hitting the person. Rather doing a quick cutaway to blood splattering on a wall or ground would be more effective and believable.

Other things that people have already pointed out draw attention to themselves in a bad way. The whole chase sequence just feels really off. Any half decent Hitman would find a way to shoot these guys without chasing them for three blocks. One has to also why he bothers to chase them when he could easily just shoot them while they're running (which he later does). Stuff like the leaping onto the fence or the pole turn, while looking good, just feels odd and gratuitous. Other stuff like him shooting a women in a crowded street makes it hard to really buy this guy as a Hitman. The conversation with Jimmy also was mixed. It was shot nicely but the constant moments where the VO goes over the characters' dialogue got old fast. Finally, you had some real transitional problems where music would just seem to come in out of no where.
The film itself also had issues. The VO seemed to be searching for a noir-ish feel but never quite managed it. It's hard to take it seriously when we have lines like "or is this just another test of how evil I have become." In general, there tends to be too much VO. Too much you state outright rather than letting us think about ourselves. Even Sin City got some frustrated (not me) with it's heavy voice over and you seem to have far more that isn't nearly as well written.

The story needs work as well. First of all, once we learn how the Hitman got into his profession he no longer seems like a professional but rather just a psycho (I mean, he apparently simply went around as a text book serial killer for a while; that's hardly a professional). It also doesn't help that the film is 10 minutes long without credits and you don't introduce the main story, the plot with the wife, untill half way into it. Finally, the ending doesn't serve much of a purpose. I don't have an issue with twist endings or fake outs but only if they serve to make a greater point. This doesn't seem to.

The VO acting also could use a bit of work. It's not bad but there are many points where a bit more inflection, beyond the typical Max Payne grizzle (which by the way I don't find all that great in the first place), would help. There are also points were it seems the actor just talks to fast and a pause here or there would be nice to break of the very slow and steady tempo.

Good luck.
 
interesting.. could use a bit of color.. a bit shorter.. but thats it.. Was it shot in HD? or SD? Looked like video.. Doesn't look like HVX footage..

Keep it going.. nice job.. Don't let the critics here burst ur bubble.. you got out there and shot something, and added effects.. I'm guessing you didn't think you were going to get an acadamy award.. Just take what everyone has to say and on the next one, try some new things..

It was fun..

-- Justin
 
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hmmm..

I found the VO acting to be not that great and some of his dialogue was just not very well written.

there were some decent shots here and there but the story definitely needs to be re-tooled

the FX were funny.... I dont know if thats what you were going for but they induced chuckles from me

the guy swinging on the pole, same thing, laughable..... again, dont know if you were going for that?

a pretty ruthless crit but you need to here this stuff on an internet forum 1st.... so hopefully one day youre not reading them in variety or whatever.... you see what I'm getting at
 
To all,

This was done over 3 days with the budget of let's say $250. Most of that went to bald Jimmy eating ...alot. Also, the nurse's and the doctor's uniform. I was happy that I got the equipment and softwares free from bald Jimmy, that's is why he's in the movie.

No lighting was used (natural). Scenes were purposely flipped to give it irregularities. The whole trick ending was bald Jimmy's idea. Originally, he kills the wife to uphold the code of the hitmen.

PS. About 80 NYC finest showed up when we filmed (secretly) the subway scene. Thank God that the writer was there (he's a teacher) and we convinced the NYPD that we were doing a P.S.A.

PS. This was filmed with DVX100, handheld, cheap Cobra crane, MB correction, and cheapo effects on AE. I'm not an expert on VFX. I could have definetly used the help of this forum. The next short I do, I'll make sure I post story, screenplay to get feedback.

Thanks to everyone for commenting.
 
iffy said:
It's what u do with the footage that matters. HVX/DVX/Panavision who cares. Go out make a movie. Stop worrying up camera labels.
Click to expand...

I applaud the fact that you went out and made your short, any film is a great accomplishment in my book, but it's a little condescending to tell a community of film makers to "go out and make a movie" bc you are being challenged on knowingly posting your work in the wrong forum. The point is that this section is for hvx footage. Many of us do not wish to take the time to download and consider non hvx footage for a variety of reasons.
 
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