SHORT: Hide - Student Film Shot in 4 Hours

DDillingham

DDillingham

Member
Here's a short film that I put together a couple of weeks ago for a class assignment.
It's finished at this point, but I'll be going backwards and adding in production notes
and some general info about how we threw the project together.
I'm open to any questions and hope that others can learn something from what I've done here.

I'm also open to any critiques or suggestions and I welcome honest criticism. Feel free to be brutally honest!

Thanks!

 
I enjoyed it. I think it's a really great idea for a short. As soon as I figured out what was going on I definitely sat up a little.

I do think you could have taken it further. I don't know if that would be through making it longer or by reworking her interaction with the guy, maybe upping the stakes. As it is, I guessed who the guy was before she even dragged him in the door and was just waiting the whole time for him to point the gun at her. Something needed to be added to give the piece more intensity and an emotional catharsis. I would actually recommend spending some time working out a script and reshooting it, because I think you're really onto something here.
 
Maybe you did shoot it in 4 hours, but why on earth would you want people to know that? Don't lower our expectations! Now when watching every time I saw a flaw or something that wasn't perfect I couldn't help but to think "Hmm, wonder if they coulda fixed that had they only spent another hour on this..".
I mean, if you're entering a 24 or 48 hour competition, time is a factor and you want to put that forward, but in any other context, shooting a movie in 4 hours only speaks to me as a lack of dedication. Having that said, it's a fine short and you dont need to lie about the time it took to shoot it, just consider not putting it out there as if you're bragging with it, because it's nothing to brag about and it only lowers ones expectations -- And that's a shame considering you've all done a good job :)
 
I agree with Tolin, whenever I see something like that its an instant turn off. BUT I decided to watch it anyway. I'm glad I did. The first minute of this film was an amazingly tense opening. It really pulled me in. The ending was extremely predictable and could be seen from a mile away. Honestly, you have a really good opening, people don't generally show shooting in schools. It seemed very real and grounded. I just think that with what henderson was saying, you should have raised the stakes, or something, anything, to finish as strong as you opened.
 
Thanks for the feedback, I do appreciate it. I'd like to mention a couple of things in response. I do agree that the ending could have been better and that the whole thing could have been fleshed out a little more, but since this was a class assignment I had to keep it under a certain length and I also didn't really have total control over the script. As far as shooting it all in 4 hours, that was all the time we had with our actors and crew before they had to be off to other shoots.

I'm working on figuring out what works and what doesn't, so the feedback I've received has been very helpful so thanks again!
 
i liked the opening as well, but can you explain the ending, why was there a bright light when she opened the door and what was the story?
 
Better than I expected. You understand the idea of perspectives, which isn't abundantly clear to a lot of student filmmakers. You did everything from this woman's perspective and only hers. This helped build suspense, as we only heard and saw things from her eyes. Very good job on that front. It's one very effective way to build suspense. That's my favorite method for building suspense.

As for comments:

At first, I felt it strange and very odd that she couldn't open a single door. Okay, the classrooms are believable, but then she hits a door that looks like a fire escape, or a stairwell door? It wasn't established that this is nighttime, or any odd hour. If anything it's more clear this is the middle of the day, so a stairwell or emergency exit should be open. Yes you needed her to go into that room, but that's no excuse for pretending a clearly open door is locked. It should have been worked into the story.

The sounds, seeing as they're the main thing driving the suspense, I wish there was more work put into it. Man if we could clearly hear footsteps, and clearly hear gun shots getting closer and closer. When the figure in front of the door got shot, I wasn't sure if the gun shot was out the door, or still down the hallway. Where are the kids screaming? The hundreds of footsteps? The cops yelling? The sirens outside? The helicopter? The fire alarm? I feel like it's a wasted opportunity for an amazing sound design.

The lighting in the room wasn't bad for an obscure ambience. However it felt a bit too moonlight because it was so directional. It should have been heavily diffused and spread around the room, or at least in the little spot with a lot of fall off on the walls.

The big problem with the film was the gun shot wound. The blood looked aweful, more like a grape juice stain. There was no visible hole in the shirt as though the bullet magically went through the shirt. I don't expect magic in 4 hours, but something clever should have been done. Ketchup, some sort of sauce from the cafeteria, etc. Then if he punctured his lungs... not a doctor here, but shouldn't the blood come out of his mouth at some point? As audience I associate that with internal bleeding.

Lastly, interesting twist, but that final twist brings about too many plot holes... or just confusion. Say I'm the shooter. I'm there going around killing students obviously because I want to end my life and others with me. That's the motivation for most school shootings, which is why most want to go down in gun fire, or shoot themselves at the end. So why is he asking for help?

Also, who shot him!? He clearly didn't shoot himself, because if he did it would have been in the head. If it's the cops... then why didn't they suddenly have the situation under control? Why didn't they go up to him immediately after he went down to make sure he stays down? When they saw him dragged into the room why didn't they immediately go to the door? Why didn't they call out, or yell anything? The only explanation that I have is that it was another student and they ran? That just seems unlikely.

Lastly, he was clearly shooting almost just before he got to the front door. So why wasn't his gun out? Why was it in the back of his pants? Also, if he had the gun tucked away in the back of his pants, why was he shot? Obviously a cop would hold him at gun point and approach him, and only shoot if the guy was about to shoot back.

Too many plot holes, too much compromised for the 'twist'.

The final comment I make, is the final 'door' blasting light into the room just seems cheap and pointless. Why are you doing it? What does the bright over-exposed light mean? What's the reason? If there's nothing to it except for aesthetics, take it down. Everything in a film, every shot, every plot device, everything has a purpose. It also doesn't look very good.
 
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