SHORT: Here And Now

I liked it. Good first short. Your actors were realistic and did good jobs.
I liked the montage, one of the best scenes in the film.
You are aware of the sound issues - good.
I can offer a few other comments- the text on the phone, computer, etc was not legible. As it was taken ECU I assume you wanted it read? More on text later. Establishing shots and transitions. A little harsh or cut. For instance you did a very small black fade from her kitchen to the outdoor resturant. It was a little abrupt. From the resturant to the art center was instant. This transition likley needed an establishing shot to tell the viewer you moved from one location to another. In the gallery you showed paintings and were discussing them, but you didn't show us the paintings. Lighting seemd flat here. Your exposure got blasted at the doors. I like the way you fixed that by making it into a transition. At the end he is reading something she wrote but how do we know she wrote it. Not discovered until later. He also is reading it to start rather than her. Sounded kind of funny when he read "...I told the guy I have liked..." Finally, editing. This film needed some serious editing by someone not wanting to save all the babies. There was much to be cut that would actually improve the story and dramatically shorten it. All the typing for example. The audience doesn't need to see it, nor stare at a screen of text as it's read. The dialouge between the two could be cut without losing story and actually improve the drama. I don't think they did, but did they ever kiss on screen? I think the boy/girl thing needed more play up. Again, I think this was a good short for a first film and look forward to seeing more from you. Good job!
 
Thanks for the feedback!

I'm not sure if it is the Youtube quality or not, but on my computer the text could be read fine. I do feel as if the text scenes were a bit long though. I was over ruled for cutting that part.

Establishing shots. That totally slipped my mind for some reason. Spent the whole night wondering how to improve the transitions during that area and Establishing shots never came to mind. Maybe the time crunch? Aha.
Do you have any recommendations on establishing shots for that? Maybe a shot of just the art building? I feel as if it might be to flat and boring?

We don't have any lighting equipment, so all the light in the short was us working with what was there.

About the blog writing, we were hoping the opening shot of her writing about ice cream and the first time he reads the blog with the title ice cream would pull the two together.
No one has given us input about the blog and confusion there yet. A million thanks for that.

I also felt as if the beginning scenes were flat and boring. Just wouldn't know how to cut out the conversation since when I did cut it out, it felt as if it was random.
Any tips here would be great!

Finally, they aren't suppose to kiss. Though I do agree with you that they needed to be played up more.

Thanks for the feed back! Very much appreciated.
 
You could do the outside or a sign for establishing. Just needs something to show a transition from one location and time to another. Even a fad to black then fade up would work somewhat.

Flat and boring building huh? Well - nobody knows what the art center looks like that you are showing so you can show whatever building you like or sign. Pick something cool if that is what you want.
No lighting - yes it was evident. Powerful flashlight or a Home Depot 500 watt work light behind a sheet will work. Just be careful as those are hot. You might also try simple photographers reflectors.
Zing in some of that light from the door or a window.

On the writing at the start and expecting the audience remember that at the end and to some how link the two. I think the first email was Ice Cream and
the last labeled Test? Bit fuzzy now. But I should relate those? I just watched the movie "Signs" earlier tonight. Not really good to me, but I watch and learn. In the show he cuts off an aliens fingers. Later, the alien has his son and they
show the alien has cut off fingers. They then flashed back to the scene where the fingers were cut off as a reminder. Don't expect people to remember details or link minor items. You'll have to connect the dots. At least in my opinion. Looks like Sham-a-rama-ding-dong thinks the same in his movies. I can never recall how his name is spelled. :)

How to cut the conversations you ask. I would need the script to offer decent suggestions with that. I'll guess at least half could be cut. My own opinion. Take it for whatever its worth. Email me the script, non-pdf, and I'll send you my cut. Note- I'm not saying I'm better than you. Just offering an opinion and help.

Not kissing. At 8:31 she said "all of these months." So this is supposed to be a tight relationship that the audience is supposed to care is breaking up, but after months they haven't kissed? Might come across juvenile. Think about it.

BTW - went back and looked at the ending text. It's labeled "Test" and at 9:50. The text goes in and out of focus. The dialogue starts "Today, at six months..." Since you are showing an ECU of the text you have to expect people are trying to read along with his dialogue. But we can't because it has this odd moving blur. Funny, when you freeze the picture the text reads "this blog is blurred out enough so that people don't exactly see what these random words here are..." Guess what I saw. :) Again, when the dialogue was going and all I have to look at is test, I'm reading trying to find whatever is being spoken. I was able to read some while playing so maybe you can understand the confusion.

Hope this helps some. Devils in the details ain't it?
 
Aha, yeah. I was going to add in some actual blur into it, but had a few people screen it and they did not notice it.

Also, I was referring to right before the montage, there was a shot of him reading a blog named Ice Cream. That is the one I was referring to. Not the tests one.

Thanks on the reference to the Home Depot light. Took a photography class where the teacher recommended them but only told use to use 60 - 100 watt lights.

I will send you the script. Note that it is not anything profession. Aha My first screen play also. Not even sure if it is written in the right format.

No worries, I don't know how to spell it too. I just refer to him as "The guy who directed 6th Sense and butchered everything else" ;)

Edit - Actually, I remembered we don't have a script for everything before the montage. Just what was going to happen. The Actors adlibed all the convo except for the car fight and ending.
 
Last edited:
JChang said:
Thanks on the reference to the Home Depot light. Took a photography class where the teacher recommended them but only told use to use 60 - 100 watt lights.
Click to expand...

60-100 W lights??? Those would light up much at all...

Start with 500 W... several... then use diffusion to soften... and do remember that they are 'hot... hot... hot'...

On shooting big girls... most of the shots were from a lower than her eye level, and 'enhanced' the heft she has under her jaw line. A better shot would be to place the camera higher, shooting down, and that may occlude the heft. Also, wardrobe... in the final shot the girl is wearing a black 'smock', which also enhances the bigness. I think a tight fitting top, and a skirt would have worked better.

Shooting big girls takes work, and some of the 'standard' angles for 'thin' don't work with 'big'...
 
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