Heaven, U.S.A Vimeo private screening!

C

Charlie06

Well-known member
Hey guys :)

Heaven, U.S.A the short film is available at indieflix (who let me down since they did not include my case and dvd artwork, unlike createspace :/ ) but I'm holding a vimeo screening for dvxusers only, because I'd like to have it critiqued.

By the way, please forgive some of the bad acting.

you can find it here
http://vimeo.com/1723240
the password is: dvxuser

Post here with your critiques :)
all criticism welcome

Charlie
 
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Wow

This was really nice. A very touching story. I was particualry impressed with how you told it, visually, without a wastd shot or frame. Many of your comps and your steadicamish free flow were awesome.

You realy have a talent. I will not comment on any technical or subjective areas as the story worked perfectly and pulled me right in.

Very moving !

Please share any furture work you may have.
 
Wow!

Awesome :) thanks for the comment Hudson
Heaven, U.S.A was a very fun shoot
I tried to stray away from most indie shorts with the single location and all the characters being the same age and the bb gun killing.

I appreciate your comments on the cinematography, as an aspiring D.P. that just gave me a lot of encouragement.

Charlie.
 
Hey there Charlie,

What an enthralling story, both the Dialog and the visuals captured me instantly. your Steady Cam shots added a very unique sense of motion to the story.

I loved the entire production, the only thing I would have done a little differently had to do with the darkness of the hallway scene. I would have defined the space a little more. but that is a nitpickey nothing in the broad scope of things. Well Done!

If you ever need any help with Post feel free to get in touch.
 
Hahaha!

Thank you so much Xylon

Appreciate the kudos on the steadicam shots. I tried to use them as much as possible, without overdoing them and making them too noticable

We had only 2 work lights to work with
1 lit the living room
1 lit the kitchen, the hallway was just impossible, thanks for catching that.

For my next project I will definitly need help in post, what services do you offer?

over 25 views, only 2 comments, share your opinions :)!!!
 
SPOILERS


i loved it. if i could suggest one cut, it would be to cut the line by the young kid about using the kite to send the letter to heaven. i think it's perfectly understood what his intentions are and it would emotionally resonate in a much more powerful way if what he was doing was revealed thru his actions, rather than having him tell us.

great stuff, charlie... i'll be looking forward to your future works.
 
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Thanks Zak

I see. To me that is definetly one of the weakest scenes in the movie because of the forced dialog.
I'll keep those things in mind, actions speak louder than words hmm.

I never got to see IFHY even though I paid for it because of indieflix problems, any way you can hook me up :)

Keep the opinions coming :)
everyone welcome
 
20 people have seen the short, more than that viewed the thread :)
3 comments, even the bad shorts get lots of comments on how to improve

Anyone?
 
Charlie you have a very charming short on your hands here.

First of all i cant even say how much i enjoyed how you shot this, It was amazing. When i look for a DP to collaborate with your the type i will look for, This was shot simply so as to not distract from the story or what is going on, but yet it was complex and entertaining and increased the story.

As you know the acting wasnt that good but that is excusable in this case. The story didnt really blow me away but it was solid, I liked that it was different then many shorts you normally see.

Overall i think you did a great job with this, I would really like to see what you can do armed with better actors.
 
I really enjoyed watching that. The sign for me for when I'm watching a good movie is that after 2 minutes or so I will forget everything around me and be so deep into the movie that I feel involved with the story and this did it for me.

What's clearer above everything else is the fact you are a real filmmaker, and I mean that in the sence of you know how to tell a stroy, you know what to show and more importantly not what to show, I did'nt see any shots i would have cut out except maybe i would have witheld the boy from saying He's trying to get it to heaven as Zak mentioned. But seriously you got skills, and i would go out my way to watch a future production from yourself.

Technically i think you made it all work on your budget to near maximum effect, the steady shot for me worked wonders, it was like you knew exactly when to use it to move your story along in an organic way, I loved it. Like you said not the best actors in the world but doesnt take away from the fact you have an excellent short here.


SPOILER ALERT
I thought the story was very emotional and gripping, not the most gripping story but it made me care enough to want to watch til the end and trust me not many shorts have been able to do that. I loved the balance of the siblings and the young boy, sort of like they each had roles; the pesemist, the optomist and the dreamer all with different beliefs but somehow manage to comfort each other. A simple and effective story i believe.

Cant wait to see more
 
Great visual rhythm. The handheld motif worked really well, and the pace was unbroken. Great uses of POV.
The park shots with the sky were just spot on. Great stuff.

Only critiques would be that the mostly uncontrolled exterior stuff and the interiors with practicals leave the image a tad flat. A bit more complex set up would really give you some 'pop' i the image.

Overall, fantastic stuff.
 
I won't say anymore than has already been said, just wanted to Congratulate you on your efforts and I hope that you'll continue to grow and develop as you're doing projects. Hopefully through this process you actually "learned" what you did, not just lucked up.

For instance the "side light" (key light) in the prayer scene was nice, all you would have needed was maybe another 60 watt bulb behind them (hair/back light) and you would have had a nice look. You can make the "practical light/available light" work for you, but just remember what you did and make sure it's a conscience effort in everything that you do to ensure your learning process.
 
Very nice work, Charlie. I particularly liked the steadicam sequence near the end. There was other good use of camera movement too, the lack of which, to me, is one of the hallmarks of dull short films.

I liked the story a lot, although I would make two observations:

-The two subplots involving the brother and the little boy are almost completely unrelated. If they "meshed" more in some way action-wise (not just through the implied compassion of the girl, which was very nice) it might have had more dramatic cohesion and intensity. Perhaps it could have been as simple as the boy stealing the kite from the same store the brother went into to buy the gum/ice cream (which could have generated other new plot problems, like what happens to the developmentally-challenged brother while she chases the boy, but with a good solution it could have added tension too).

-I felt the ending could have been a bit more satisfying. As it was, it felt a little unresolved - another very common problem in short films IMO. How that could have been accomplished, I won't attempt to suggest here, but something...

Otherwise, as many have said before, I think this is a very fine short film. I think you have very good instincts about what it takes to do this well. I look forward to seeing your next film.

By the way...was this your first?

Either way, congratulations and more power to you!
 
@ YaboyTopher

Appreciated topher :)
we'll find out how we do with big actors hopefully in May. As mentioned before I'm foremost a D.P, but I'm itching to direct one. I'm glad you liked the cinematography. I see lots of shorts trying to completely copy hollywood films, which like you mentioned, can look cool, but can distract from the story.


@Daniel Alexander
Truly appreciate your comments :) I'm really glad you liked the story, and appreciated the cinematography, specially the steadicam shots. (Steadicam Merlin used)
Did anybody notice the Steadicam crane shot in the first 3 seconds of the film?
hehehe :) I hope my future work will impact you the way this one did.

@Hans
Your comments are awesome, thank you for explaining each one to me through emails. I'll keep all those things in mind in the current project that I'm D.P'ing for as well as the one to be shot in May.

@jls4
Hey! Thanks for commenting. The side light in the prayer scene was nothing more than a worklight bounced off a Science fair project board hahahaha. Almost no lighting was used in the film, and I wanted to practice, so I used it. No luck, just stuff I learn here in DVX from users who write such great articles as yours.

@Ted Spencer
Heya Ted, love your comment.
I love doing steadicam shots, if possible I would have done the whole film in one shot, but without a vest, that would have killed my arm :).
I feel bad that you thought the story felt unresolved. It definetly leaves it up to the viewer to depict whether or not Jamie changes her attitude towards her brothers beliefs, but your right. On the next one I'll be sure to have a fully concluded film, or at least one with a more concrete resolution.
It wasn't my first piece, but it was definitely my first organized film, that was not shot the day the idea was thought out if you know what I mean.
First time I went around looking for actors instead of just people around, first time I went location scouting and such.

@Everyone so far
Once again guys, thank you so much for your comments. Keep them coming! I know it's only a 10 minute film, but I'd love to get more feedback, 100 people have watched it, more have read this thread. :)
 
*bump*

Hahaha, I always wanted to do that
If you haven't seen Heaven, U.S.A, watch it and please leave your opinions on the film :)!
The movie can be found here http://vimeo.com/1723240

If you guys think this little short film could survive in a short film festival let me know, I hope the few acting mishaps are not a turn off :)!!!

Charlie
 
First off i thought it was a great short and i would say enter it in any festival. Whats there to lose? next i was curious what was your camera setup and sound....etc. :)
 
Hey Man :) I used the Hv20's big brother, the XH A1 with stock lenses
For the first half of production I had an audio technica shotgun mic, with a rode boom
that was taken away, so the last part of the movie UNFORTUNATELY was shot off the camera's onboard mic.
The Steadicam Merlin was used for the steadicam shots
Any tripod shot was shot in a regular sturdy vanguard tripod

ANY MORE OPINIONS?
Are all festivals over $30 to enter? Can somebody guide me to some festivals it could perform in?
 
Great story, some really good shots, but there were some others that could have been better with lighting . The transition form the end to the creditis should be tighter. Overall really good. Keep it up.
 
Heya Shortstop, appreciate your comment, what do you mean the transition from the end to the credits could have been tighter.

You mean the 3 second black in between?
This took me forever man! I tried so many different endings, and the timing that you'l find was the best one that I could do lol
making it shorter felt too rushed, taking away the few moments the audience has to ponder upon what just happened, about Jamie's change in attitude and such, but I'll keep this in mind, as the ending is almost 95 of a film to me

Besides the comments you guys have already given, I'm amazed by the good reviews this little film has gotten. At least to me it shows that you don't need a hitman with lots of gun killing in your movie for it to be considered descent, and that people don't even pay attention to whether it was shot in film HD or dv, it's all about pulling them in to the story.

But, I'd love to get some more reviews. Shortstop brought up an impotant point, I'd like to know more. Help Charlie improve, because he's going to be taking a big ass risk pretty soon, and he wants to be as ready as possible.
 
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