SHORT: Guilt - My First Short Film

CharlesPenfold

CharlesPenfold

Member
This is my first real short film I Directed it and edited it.
The writing isn't top notch and doesn't make much sense but work is work (he took himself too seriously as we are all 13-17 year olds).

I'm about to start writing a small miniseries myself so if there is any constructive criticism or advice please just PM me or leave a comment, it would be great to get some feedback.
Thanks and enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65YcgqhoV-w
 
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Hey there. It's not bad.

Yeah, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. And i saw the twist at the end coming a mile away. But there's some nice cinematography in there.

A few of the edits were a little jarring. Mainly when she gets up and screams. It'd be nice to have some of their conversation carry over into and on top of the flashback stuff. Not bad though, for being so young.

Maybe next time just hold out until you have a script you're excited about.
 
Hey Charles,

Just took a look at your film Guilt. I liked it, the cimematography was good and smooth. I couldn't make too much sense of the story, but I got the main jist of it I think that she has a guilty conscience.

What bothered me were some low audio levels, and the flickering light. I realize that it's supposed to be the TV projecting light, and that it was probably on a dimmer that was being flicked back and forth. Next time for that, I find it helps to use a blue gel on the light. In addition, the light intensity should be a little less, and the changes in light should be less often - rather than 2 to 3 per second, I'd go at 1 per 1-2 seconds. It's more realistic, especially thinking of the type of program she was watching. I didn't hear it being a fast paced cartoon.

Good stuff, keep it up!

-Andrew
 
In general I liked it also.

Thing that bothered me: We see the man talking (moving cheecks), but we don't hear anything...
 
CharlesPenfold said:
This is my first real short film I Directed it and edited it.
The writing isn't top notch and doesn't make much sense but work is work (he took himself too seriously as we are all 13-17 year olds).

I'm about to start writing a small miniseries myself so if there is any constructive criticism or advice please just PM me or leave a comment, it would be great to get some feedback.
Thanks and enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65YcgqhoV-w
Click to expand...

Hey. I must say I definitely liked your short. The things that stood out to me were the details in the production design. You could have maybe made the guy look as though he were a soldier from the 50's though...ie the whole scruffy hair/scruffy beard/generally disheveled appearance didn't really do it for me. He kind of looked like some hipster dude wearing an army jacket. That said, that was the only problem. The set where it takes place was excellent and it is refreshing(for me at least) to see a low budget film short where thought was given to the setting.

One other minor critque I could offer would be on the story itself. It could have been maybe a little more subtle, especially since it's supposed to be mostly psychological in content. That is probably just my personal taste talking though...

Good Job!
 
Great job man! I thought it was really well done. Much better than my first short was!
My only critique-if you're doing a period piece, the hair should match the period. Other than that, nice work!
 
I don't see how it doesn't make sense? Seemed like pretty straight forward surrealism to me. If anything, a little ambiguity in this way works well. Much better then trying to edit your film into a "jigsaw" like the low budget time travel flick: PRIMER. Where as with this kind of ambiguity, your uncertainties are filled in through your own life experience. Not through piecing together scenes in a different order

It really wasn't much of a "twist" considering the man talks as if he is a figment or her imagination right from the get go, and I found that easy to understand

Anyways, I thought it was good. Liked a lot of the lighting and can only say that some of the editing could use some improvement like people have already pointed out
 
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brendan_pr said:
...snip...Much better then trying to edit your film into a "jigsaw" like the low budget time travel flick: PRIMER....snip....
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Not to derail, but....what?

Did you not get it? It was fairly easy to follow once you figure out what had been going on.

A better example might have been Lynch's "Inland Empire". I am still trying to wrap my head around that one.
 
JustinBrown said:
Not to derail, but....what?

Did you not get it? It was fairly easy to follow once you figure out what had been going on.

A better example might have been Lynch's "Inland Empire". I am still trying to wrap my head around that one.
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Yes, I "got it". What I was saying is films like INLAND EMPIRE are more effective because they leave more to the imagination. I don't consider it a jigsaw, I consider it pure surrealism. Where as primer gets it's ambiguity from cutting up it's shots in a weird order, or "experimental plot structure"
 
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brendan_pr said:
Yes, I "got it". What I was saying is films like INLAND EMPIRE are more effective because they leave more to the imagination. I don't consider it a jigsaw, I consider it pure surrealism. Where as primer gets it's ambiguity from cutting up it's shots in a weird order, or "experimental plot structure"
Click to expand...

I see. I didn't really think that it was all that experimental though. It was just the necessity of the story given that they were existent in multiple time lines simultaneously.

Maybe I should watch it again. Perhaps I am missing something.
 
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