GPS

[Sunk99]

A human scream? This just sounds odd...are we not supposed to be able to distinguish it from male or female? Granted you're going to shoot this, so it may be obvious then.

Guy-Gal - it really didn't matter to me, hence human. I've changed it to a male.

I know the ending has been mentioned and addressed, but I was bit confused as well. There is a shot and then a human scream and then Tina comes out of the woods. So who was shot? I understand that Tina is upset with Billy, but would she really run back into the woods? I assume she would have had even been closer to the shooting and screaming than Billy and Stephanie, so as pissed as she is, I can't imagine her running back into the woods.

I've changed the ending to clear up the issue with the final text and added a one-liner at the start on the cell phone to show a countdown clock is running. Games are ten minutes. Greg, the game leader, (he text the next target you may recall)
sends the final game over message to everyone.
Who was shot? A male player, no name required, in the woods by the old lady. It's rock salt. It's hurts, not kills.
Would she really run back into the woods? Hmmm...would a very upset teenage girl run into the woods without thinking? Need I say more?

I would be interested in seeing the final product and how it turns out.

I'll post it on DVX.

I thank you and the others for the great input. For sure this fest has helped tighten up this script and it is deeply appreciated. I look forward to shooting this one as I've never done a night action production. So far my testing has not gone well as it really takes a lot of light to film at night in the dark woods - go figure. Might do a day shoot and convert in post, but then it'll take the fun out of it. I'd like to do a full moon test 29 Sept and check out the difference, but, I have a ten hour daytime zombie film shoot that day. Darn zombies! That zombie one will be a fun shoot here in Detroit. Hopefully, fingers crossed, people will see a Chevy commercial with zombies in October. Again thanks - having fun.

 

[Sunk99]

Hi KhamIsk,

So the way to prove one killed another is the possession of the "thing" around one's neck - interesting.

It's just duct tape on the shirt which has a number on it. Else, some teenaged boy, would just report killing everyone and ruin the game. So you must get their number.

Didn't understand why the woman went on a shooting spree all of the sudden - think she needs a reason.

Her first dialogue is - "George! Those damn poachers are back." Not a shooting spree. She is just going to pepper their butts with rock salt. She says that in her second line "Eat rock-salt!"
Hmmm...I'm an old critter. Hadn't really considered younger people might not be aware of shooting rock salt.

And also the way Stephanie clings to Billy is a bit off, I think, kind of soap-operish. . If she's doing that for protection Tina would have understood, I think.

Protection? Heck no - she's moving in on him. Sorry - I tried to make that clear in a little space. I think you bring up a good idea though. I'll have her grin when Tina storms off. She's a hussie.

I'd also like a bit more character from them - right now all those young adults are sort of alike for me.

I wish. Tough to do in a short short with so many characters. I did try. Any ideas without adding time? Hopefully the actors will add their own take.

Thanks for the read and input. Much appreciated.

 

[KhamIsk]

Her first dialogue is - "George! Those damn poachers are back." Not a shooting spree. She is just going to pepper their butts with rock salt. She says that in her second line "Eat rock-salt!"
Hmmm...I'm an old critter. Hadn't really considered younger people might not be aware of shooting rock salt.

I didn't miss that part and I know very well about rock salt I guess I misspoke - this part is a bit random for me - a bit sudden and too funny for a script like that. But looks like I'm alone on this.