FS7: fundraising video we shot on the Sony FS7. would love some feedback

Some candid thoughts from me:

I'll leave it to others to comment on your pics. I don't think your pics are really the issue, if you're asking for suggestions for improvement.

1) I think you could communicate your message more effectively in half the duration.

2) I don't know what the film is about. Finn? Snow Bowl?

3) I don't know what I as a viewer am being asked to donate to and why I should. Am I being asked to donate to make a sports event happen or to help Finn somehow?

4) Dialogue audio is off to the left - is that deliberate? I'd centre it and perhaps add a little compression and a small boost around 1.5KHz to help his voice pop out. Also, some of your audio edits need some help.

Overall - sod the pictures, do some audio work - that's where you'll make a tangible improvement. Make all of those slo-mo CUs of players and hands waiting for the ball, catching, applause etc really sing with some thoughtful sound design and atmospheric actuality sound. That might then influence some further happy accidents in the picture edits.

Ben.

PS, I watched it again and I think your purpose is to raise money for Special Olympics - suggest you make that clearer with visual references to Special Olympics. The empty shots of a stadium with blokes chucking balls disconnects me from the purpose. Feels like you're promoting NY Snow Bowl - when you actually want me to be focusing on Special Olympics.

Hope some of that is useful - discard what isn't.
 
I think it's nicely done visually and the goal to me was clear. Didn't feel long at all.
I would agree with Ben that some additional sound work would really make it pop. Good work.
 
Would need to know more about the context in which this is to be presented in order to understand how effective the edit is. If it's to be played at some kind of end of the year banquet / gala where people are encouraged to donate, I think it's fine, because the event itself provides what's missing from the video.

Viewed in isolation, misses the mark as a fundraising tool for me. No obvious call to action, no obvious beneficiary for the donations, etc.

As a story, it's solid visually, acceptable sonically (agree with everyone who said you have room for improvement here), but falls flat in the edit for me as well. Focus is in a lot of different places and it doesn't build -- there's no beginning/middle/end, just a bunch of mini vignettes loosely connected around a central theme.

My sense is whoever edited this is intimately familiar with the story and doing a lot of mental filling in of the gaps. If this is presented to an audience that already knows the subjects, it's okay, but if it's supposed to be a mass shared video to solicit $$, it really needs to have a lot more clarity in the first 30s and a more linear "this is the problem, this is the solution, this is what you can do" type structure. This has the vibe of an ESPN emotional background piece before a competition. Those are designed to stir appreciation, but not necessarily to motivate donations. (Only mentioning this because you say fundraising in the title.)
 
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