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Richard J. Johnson

Richard J. Johnson

Joystick Member
Me and my wife have been together for 16 years and I was talking to a few of my married friends about sex and it seems that we don't have it as much as them. After the kids we only get down about twice a month. Is that normal for you guys?

Sex is good but we just don't have it as much as we did before the kids. My boys think it's crazy but that is how it's been for a while now. it is just normal for us. Don't know if that is good or bad. We were just having a debate about it.

googling it seems a little odd to me.

i figure since most of us are adults....:smile:
 
once you start having kids, i think it's normal for most couples to have sex less frequently. and you're getting older so you don't have as much testosterone as you once did. as long as both you and your wife are happy about the amount of sex you're having, it's completely fine. if you want it more, then talk to her about it and make an effort to do some things to put her in the mood.
 
I'm assuming you are over 29, if you are over 29 - average frequency of sex among married couples is ~85 times a year (if you are younger, you are talking ~125). But in the same note, you have ~45% of married men reporting they've had sex only a few times a month. Which you would fall under.

I mean, looking strictly at averages, your particular situation falls outside of the mean. But that's only a small part of the equation.

You said the sex is good. I would assume you are content with your sex life. If you and your partner are happy - that's all that really matters. Some couples have sex a lot, some not so much, but as long as you are happy - all is well. Everyone is different.

*I should mention I'm not married, and numbers are derived from the Kinsey Institute - or as near as I can remember. One of my ex's was big into the study of human sexuality. So, when I was with her - I learned quite a bit about the science behind it, and eventually I started studying it myself. [joke away, I've heard them all]
 
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It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it.
~Woody Allen
 
And it comes down to this - when asked how much sex a man is having, theres always ego. I think if you asked a man, 35, married two kids, how much sex he and his wife have and said at least once a week, then use this, what I like to call the bs equation.

So once a week is 52 times on an average year then / by the bs factor of 2 and you have the reality - 25 times a year.

Heres the thing Richard, work gets in the way, two kids get in the way, looking after your house, your physical fitness (at this age you must), gets in the way and sometimes just your state of mind gets in the way. You have more barriers than ever before. Dont fret it.

Dont ever worry about asking a mature adult question in a mature manner.
 
As long as neither of you has an issue with it - I don't see why it would be an issue.
now if one of you (or both of you) is unhappy about it, well, that's another story.
 
No doubt. It's not a problem for us, it's just how it is. Totally normal. When I talk to my boys they think I'm crazy. I could have sex everyday if I wanted to, but I just don't want to. And I don't think my wife wants my big ass laying on her that much either. : )

I'm 36 and in my younger days all I did was chase it. And I know I'm not alone on that one. Damn am I getting old?! I sound like my pops right now.
 
Sounds pretty normal and it's about where I'm at as well, although we tend to go in phases and it's less equally distributed. Sometimes 4 times a week. Sometimes none. If I'm being honest it's not for lack of interest on my part, but you know, sometimes it's easier to just take care of business myself than wait for the planets to align.
 
GenJer has a point....that was funny btw.

but i'll add what i can...

i'm 34, my wife is 30. been married for 8 years, together for 11. We have a 4 year old daughter, and a 2 week old daughter. thank our ever loving Christ i have no boys. just sayin.

i'm still in the "no fly zone" as far as sex at the moment, since my wife just gave birth, but i feel your pain.

a couple times a month is realistic. even two nights in a row with a month in between is realistic. don't worry about your buddies. you are you, and your wife is who she is, and if you both do the best you can, then you'll only be making love at a frequency that you both can handle. there will me spikes, and there will be dips.

funny...i have been more attracted to my wife lately, but she's got her hands full with our new baby, but there are too many distractions....and sadly, we never made love while she was pregnant. i don't know why, but i just couldnt do it. so it's been a while.

good topic though...you seem to post things of this nature from time to time, and these are some of the same things i wanna talk about...
this is all subjective Richard.
 
Mark Harris said:
Ya'll spend way too much time on DVXUser. Turn off the computer and GET BUSY.
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Spoken like someone who isn't married, or is still in the honeymoon stage, and doesn't have kids. :)

When you have a few rug rats running around and you finally get two minutes peace with your wife... you usually feel like passing out.

As time goes on and the kids get a bit older (6 or 7) you find yourself with more time and more energy. Things get back on track.

MAH
 
We've been hitched for thirteen years (no kids; cats). We had a sort of dry patch for a year or two in the middle where for some reason it seemed like our interest on both sides kind of ebbed...but for whatever reason it came roaring back.

For the last year+ we have both been training pretty aggressively, which I think has made both of us friskier - the combination of feeling more energetic and being in better shape and therefore more attractive to each other...
 
I'm 44, been married for 16 years and if there is one thing I have learned is that the only thing that matters about this, or anything else, is whether it works for both of you. Everybody has different priorities. What would be okay with other couples may not be okay with you. So take "normal" and chuck it out the window.

You say it works for you, but I gotta ask...if it really did, would you be wondering enough to ask about it?

The other thing to remember is that we all go through phases. Spouses sometimes go through phases at different times. That can cause some friction. But if you communicate effectively, which it sounds like you do, that smooths the road.

If you guys talk about this stuff in an honest, non-threatening way, you are miles ahead of most couples.
 
Michael Anthony Horrigan said:
Spoken like someone who isn't married, or is still in the honeymoon stage, and doesn't have kids. :)

When you have a few rug rats running around and you finally get two minutes peace with your wife... you usually feel like passing out.

As time goes on and the kids get a bit older (6 or 7) you find yourself with more time and more energy. Things get back on track.

MAH
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I have no need to spread my own DNA. I have taken certain measures to ensure that small people will not interrupt my booty-time.
 
Sex in marriage should be frequent and free, meaning free as in feel you have freedom to express yourself fully. It seems so many people don't have the right perspective on sex in marriage. I know I'm talking from the perspective of being married for 8 months, but I hope our sex life is just as frequent and hot ten years from now as it is today. I have a feeling it will be, because we'll be more and more honest with each other in everything, including the bedroom.

I think that study mentioned was accurate, usually a married couple on average has sex 3-4 times a week, and a man in that relationship "handles it" (trying to be appropriate) 4 more times during that week. So truly it seems like sex should be an every day thing, if possible, in marriage.
 
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