First-Year filmmakers Shorts Collection

[IndyProject]

Over the course of 2009, a crew and myself have been working on a series of shorts. 2009 was essentially our first year as amateur filmmakers.

Trying to find unbiased opinions from our friends and family members seems to be like trying to find a needle in a hay-stack, so we have come to this forum for feedback on our shorts, in order to grow and mature as filmmakers. We don't want to keep making the same mistakes.

The shorts can be found:
http://www.vimeo.com/indyproject/videos

Thanks!

 

[ikander]

I haven't had a chance to watch them yet, but just a quick note from scrubbing through them...

You waste A LOT of time with your credit sequences. Most good short films don't have credits at the beginning. Just a title...that's it. I think it would allow you viewer to jump into the story a lot quicker.

 

[Jon Starr]

Well this is the perfect place for honest criticism. So if you're ready, be sure to read what I have to say with an upbeat attitude. It can be tough getting real honest opinions the first time around.

So I watched two of your shorts. Innomme and No Dice. To be honest, I wasn't impressed. They look just like regular chliche student films.

First thing you have to understand is that while not all films have narrative, most do. Your films do have a beginning middle and end, but not much happens. Sure there's conflict, but take Innomme as an example. It was 6 minutes long! What happened in those six minutes? He looked at photos and he obviously lost his girlfriend... we established this in the first ten seconds. But it goes one and on and on. Finally we find out that she was pregnant. I started skipping at this point. They buy a house. I kept skipping, then she gets run over and he turns off the light as if commiting suicide. Why did you need 6 minutes to tell this... moment? It's not even a story with a clear conflict that needs to be resolved. This story could have easily been told in 30 seconds but was dragged out to 6 minutes.

The story wasn't even anything special. Like I said, it's got every student film cliche. I've done the student film route, I've seen many student films, and been subject to a few cliches myself. First, a guy looking at pictures of his dead girlfriend/wife/spouse whatever is the most cliche thing in the world. Even for hollywood this is cliche. It's as if to show someone is dead you show a person looking at a photo of the dead person and they look in despair. I've seen this exact storyline mant times. How does it get resolved... with the number 1 cliche ending... suicide. I've seen dozens upon dozens of student film stories with suicide. It's as if this storyline is just a cop out because you can't think of anything better and you have to resort to extreme measures to attempt to get something out of the audience.

No dice was a bit better, though one thing that's also cliche is when students try and copy hollywood. Not much happened except a guy talks about men in black and other things. We never find out why he's there, or care for that matter. Then he said "I'll see if you die in 36 hours" but then he burns him? Strange. The single spot light was interesting... but perhaps again... cliche.

I know I use that word a lot, and cliche can be done if done well and in an original way. But cliche elements and stories are usually just cop outs for not coming up with anything original. You may think it's original, but you're most likely copying from everything you've seen before. Try to think of character, flesh them out, create a world, create a conflict, and if you know this world enough you'll come out with something original.

The camera work and editing isn't much to comment on. It's on the same level as first year film students. Just keep improving, read books and make more films. Used negative crit as a positive thing, a goal to improve upon. Sorry if this seems harsh, but seeing with how you used your 6 minutes in innomme I don't think I'll be watching your 11 minute and 20 minute short. When you've improved pm me when you have your next short up and I'll give my honest crit.