First Script

gspot3030

New member
Im new to the fourm and also new to the whole short film thing. This is a short for a school film festival. Well anyways heres the script, and like i said im new to this fourm and i dont know if you guys are dicks but if you dont like at least give me advice id like to improve, tell me how to formate it and stuff. Thanks in advance.

Andrew Chae

Devo
A film about a dance and a boy.

Staring:
Kevin Goudswaard
Shayla Curran

Summery: Kevin is a boy full of himself and wants to show is skill in dance. He calls a dance studio and sets up an appointment and already acts a little cocky, plus he thinks the girls voice is hot/cute. He gets dressed in a ridiculous outfit and heads out the door. He hops in his car and speeds away. The next scene opens up in the dance studio. He introduces himself do a cute blond girl who is his teacher. He keeps to his usual ways and tries to impress her. They walk into a room and she puts on a song and tries to show him a move or two. With a little scoff he push her out of the way and points to the kid working the boom box who seems to be indifferent or emotionless. He pushes the teacher off stage and begins his dance. The dance is ridiculous and sort of Napoleon Dynamite-ish. At the end of his dance he walks out after bumping into a girl who compliments him, but he still storms out. He gets in his car and speed away.

+Kevin (inner) Looking into a mirror, flexing and admiring himself-: DANG Im smokin’. But this body would look better dancing.
Kevin goes the phone and dials (the camera zooms on the keypad): Hello? Hi miss I would like to schedule a dance lesson, not that I need it, (he pause to allow for the other end to talk) Great! Ill see you at noon then.
-he hangs up and dances up to his room Kevin reemerges from his room still dancing in his dance outfit and still dancing he puts on his coat and walks out the door. The camera is now outside and see him coming out the door then in to the car. Camera cuts to in the car and he turns it on. Cuts back to out side and Kevin pulls away. Back in the car Kevin put forever young (original) on his ipod. He pulls into the parking lot and gets out slams the door and walks into the studio. Camera cuts to inside as he walks in. Go goes up the desk.
++ Kevin: Hey hot pants, your pretty cute, when do I start.(arrogant)
++ Shayla: Ehe hem, well we can start as soon as your ready, im your teacher, Shayla (pleasant)
++ Kevin: Well then!(enticed) Lets do. What do we learn first and side leap, kickflip carioca.
++ Shayla: Actaully lets start of with a sha-say let me put on some music.
- Shayla claps her hands and the boom box boy turns it on some music.
++ Kevin: This is lame.
++ Shayla: This is my favorite song.
- They both stair at each other and the camera cuts back and forth. Then Kevin points the the boom box boy without lookling and just noods his head. Forever young comes on and Kevin dances.(for about 2-3 minutes he gets sweater every cut.)
++ Kevin: I don’t need this place im going to try out for J Lo.
-Kevin walks out
++ Camden: That was pretty good (sincerely).
++ Kevin what would you know.
- Kevin leaves the studio gets into his car and speeds away. Forever young (original) comes on slowly and credits roll.
 
Alright. I'm only going to comment on the format. In the least harsh tone, this isn't a script. I would suggest looking up properly formatted scripts on the internet, using that as a base. It'll be much easier during shooting if you have a proper script. Also, try to avoid explaining how the actors should say their lines, a good script will work it out itself.
 
Agree with above...get the book mentioned, great for getting a handle on basic formatting style, story structure, what makes a valid screen play, etc.

You also might want to download CeltX (www.celtx.com), it is a free tool for entering screenplays in proper screenplay format.

Another thing, be sure to proofread (or have someone you trust proofread) before showing your work. It is important to present work as free as possible from grammer and spelling mistakes. (Just a free tip -- take it for what it's worth :) )
 
Alright thanks. And don't worry Romeospade i knew when i was writing it, it wasnt great and im used to alot harsher from other fourms. Ill read up on thoes sites. When i was writeing it i didnt even think about formatting or anything i sort of went in blind. I any one has other suggestions or whatever let me know. Im going to re-write it tonight and probably start this sunday.
 
Larry R said:
Agree with above...get the book mentioned, great for getting a handle on basic formatting style, story structure, what makes a valid screen play, etc.

You also might want to download CeltX (www.celtx.com), it is a free tool for entering screenplays in proper screenplay format.

Another thing, be sure to proofread (or have someone you trust proofread) before showing your work. It is important to present work as free as possible from grammer and spelling mistakes. (Just a free tip -- take it for what it's worth :) )
you spelled grammar wrong...


anyways check this out http://www.exposure.co.uk/eejit/script/index.html#business

it tells you in a very simple way how to write both spec and shooting scripts.

visit www.scriptcrawler.com and search some movies you like so you get an idea of how they write it down
 
Gspot (laughed as I wrote that), you'll love scriptwriting software, they format pretty much automatically as you write, so when you do have a flurry of ideas you can get them out straight away without losing your groove.

The popular ones are Movie Magic Screenwriter and Final Draft. I use FD and have never looked back. ** these ones aren't free though.

Ian

btw, didn't read your work because of the formatting, damn, I should be a producer.
 
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