Feedback on my last short?

Baluardo

Baluardo

Well-known member
I just realized there's a proper forum jsut for submitting clips/footage :)
so after a few unsuccessful days in the 'directing' section, i post it here!

i just released my last short film on the web. This is my best planned and most 'valuable' short film production so far. Even though it was shot in a rush (1 1/2 day for 20 min film) and I had to be very fast leaving a lot of things pretty rough, i'm pretty happy with the results .

I feel like I need a feedback from experienced people and technicals. Most of the people liked it so far, but no real filmmakers among them .
There are things i like and things i dont like about it. But i'd like to have your expert opinions. I consider this forum a very valuable source of info.

Any kind of feedback about all the aspect (from the script to the music) will be highly appreciated

Anyway, the title is 'Hummus hotel, nowhere', and you find it on
http://www.baluardoproductions.com

thanks all,
Andrea
 
just watched the trailer. not sure what to expect from the movie as the trailer seems like it could be a comedy, horror or maybe anything else.

I'll try to watch the movie tonight though.

Thanks for sharing your work. :thumbup:
 
sorry about the download speed. it's weird though since i just tested it myself and it goes 500-600kbs. Maybe the ocean in the way doesn't help :) Italian hosting.

thx
Andrea
 
Hey guys not all together! i can't handle so many feedbacks! :grin:

I will *highly* appreciate even negative feedback. that's why i posted here. And by the way, if there are tech problems, let me know as well!

:angry: Andrea
 
Okay seen it now.

It is quite a long, ambitious film, with quite a few cast etc. which is good to see. Can I ask what was the purpose of the film and budget? I did feel that you may have slightly over-stretched yourself and may be better off focusing on something shorter.

A few technical notes:

The sound sometimes changes with the cuts, highlighting the edits. Try to smoothen it off if possible.

Also some action doesn't match between different shots when it cuts between them. Watch the wife in the first scene and when he asks the manager to leave. Take another look at some of the edits, they just need to be a little sharper.

Colour wise, I would grade the footage to make it visual more interesting.

I found almost all the scenes were too long. I reckon you could cut the total time to 10 minutes easily. e.g. the joke with the toothbrushes looses its impact because it takes too long to get to in the flashback. That flashback should be 10-20sec long if that! Some scenes seem redundant. What is the point of the pretty girl? The story seemed to lack a real focus in general.

The acting is pretty ropey. Seemed kind of improvised, and as if they were making up the lines. I understand that it is tough to find good actors though! The script seemed too rough though, the words "ridiculous" and "unacceptable" are said way too much!

Finally try and pick angles that show the actors better. eg. his hand is over his face when on the phone in the garden which is annoying.

Overall you told the story well and completely. The script and acting was poor and there are a few technical issues, but these can all be improved, so keep working on it.

I don't mean for that to sound harsh, it is just my opinion to help you to improve. It is good work and a good base for you next project, which is where you should look to now. I look forward to seeing it!

Maybe try something shorter and better planned. Make sure you have a tight script well before you roll any tape!

Good luck! :thumbsup:
 
Hey mmm, thanks for your very detailed and careful opinions!
no worries for being harsh, this is why i posted here. i didnt want to get compliments, but suggestions to improve.

it was a no-purpose-and-no-budget film.
My biggest regret with it was not dedicating enough attention (if any) to the photography. And i consider myself a photographer.

I agree with about all of what you say. I just want to point out that none of the actors was a professional, and, even though the script wasn't as rough as you may perceive, a good deal of lines were re-improvised real time by the actors which didn't learn the proper lines and would just follow the guidelines.
> "the words "ridiculous" and "unacceptable" are said way too much!"
true :) we made even too much fun of that actor for that.

Also, some of the scenes (like the pretty girl appearance) lost sense and impact since i was forced to eliminate or badly modify some scenes on the field for missing-in-action actors or unexpected time problems (one guy had to leave very soon on one day).

>"I found almost all the scenes were too long. I reckon you could cut the total time to 10 minutes easily."
>"The story seemed to lack a real focus in general."

The narration rythm is really what i'm trying to focus on at the moment. this little film was already a challenge since it was born to be 20min long and i realized that you have to face pacing issues much more than in a 3min one.
I dont agree when you say "try something shorter". I basically dont like short films. My target is the feature length. and to get there, i have to get them longer and longer. making even a lot of experience with shorts sure improves your production and post prod. technical skills (audio, photography, directing, editing..), but not your ability to write and pace the whole script. That's where i wanna get.

Anyway, thanks *a lot* again for the comments!:)

Andrea
 
Baluardo said:
I dont agree when you say "try something shorter". I basically dont like short films. My target is the feature length. and to get there, i have to get them longer and longer. making even a lot of experience with shorts sure improves your production and post prod. technical skills (audio, photography, directing, editing..), but not your ability to write and pace the whole script. That's where i wanna get.
Click to expand...

That's fine, I often feel that way too. I am just starting on a feature now after making two half hour, two 15ish minute and a load of few minute shorts. I now feel that I can pace something of 75-90 minutes.

Maybe try to cut this film down as an exercise. I had to cut one of mine down from 16 to 13 minutes for a festival and learnt loads while doing it! The film improved too! It teaches you what is necessary for a story. I also reduced another film from 18 to 11 minutes and that has won some very major awards, I was only re-editing though!

I always find short films drag. They shouldn't, as they are shorter than features! Young filmmakers find pace and audience interest difficult to obtain/mantain, myself included, although I have improved a lot. For the first time I am happy with the pace of my latest film! I doubt I will be in a few months though.

I've got a day off today, hence the long posts. Got to do some editing now though! :thumbsup:
 
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