Feedback Needed

711

711

Well-known member
Hey dvxuser community,

I am back again, this time with a final cut of my film. I am looking for any and all feedback. I was pleased with the technical achievements of this film, however, I feel the story was not as strong as it could be in comparison to my earlier work. Anyways, here it is. You can judge for yourself. Thanks for taking the time to watch! Password: 9


cheers

eric
 
Have you done ADR ? I have a feeling the dialogues are not always 100% sync.

It's a bit strange he put's those things in his nose....

The line "Goldilock seems to be doing well" while showing the fish is good. Now we now the fish is called" Goldylock"

The shot with the black tapes on the door I would show a little faster. Maybe when he says "just to be save".

Something strange: Vanessa is not looking, then Vanessa is looking and in the next shot he whispers "Vanessa".... It's like being in a café, having a waiter next to you waiting and then when the waiter leaves you shout "hé waiter"....

I would skip everything between 01:47 and 01:52.

It also looks strange what they're doing. Like the teacher is in a sort of "strike" and doesn't want to teach class...so he let's them being busy....

Watch for moving lips without words... between 02:02 and 02:04

I think you can higher levels of the recorded sounds, like in the toilet...when he opens the door etc...
 
Hey Dre,

-No ADR. just recorded sound dialogue on a separate system. I'll check out the dialogue issue. Some others have also mentioned this.

-The things are nose plugs. Someone left their excrement in his throne. Strange... Yes, but thats the point.

-I'll work with the door shot on the next cut to see if I can improve it.

-I get what you are saying regarding Vanessa, but it made sense to me. The way I see it, he makes a noise, she looks up and they exchange a look. Now we cut in to Andy. He looks back to his paper and breaks eye contact, now thinking for a second, IMO, it can be assumed Vanessa has turned around. Now, with that little exchange he has the confidence to get her attention by calling her name. Does that make sense watching it a second time?

-Haha, the idea with the class was to depict a mean and unconcerned teacher. Often my teachers will use class to assign silent work time, which as you can see is ignored by the texting/sleeping/drawing students.

Thanks dre!
 
remember that people only watch one time. If you go to cinema, theatre you don't ask to rewind... But i know what you mean but i had this in mind
 
I totally understand. Doesnt matter what I intended, only what the audience actually gets out of it.

-Eric
 
I don't really have any issues with how it's shot, I can hear the sound well even though I think as some others have mentioned the sync may be off in some parts - from a technical standpoint I think it's totally good enough to not draw attention to itself and let the story unfold.

The real issue is that there's no real sense of character or conflict, all we really know is that this kid is a bit strange and not good when it comes to talking to girls, it's just not much of a story...there's no tension, even the climax of the film (flushing the goldfish) has no real tension - it's too easy for him to flush Goldy for us to care about how strange he is or try to get inside his head...he's just a semi-weird kid who hangs out in the bathroom with a fish when it comes down to it.

Seen a lot worse though, so that's something :) I really don't mean to sound like a jerk, but in all honesty creating a watchable project is better than 50% or more of even what gets posted here on DVX - I can't make it through most shorts so I think you have good potential, it might be cool for you to find someone who writes well and collaborate, you are totally competent at telling a story visually and the overall production is pretty crisp for something of this kind.
 
Thank you apocalypse, this is pretty comparable to most feedback I've heard. I thought it looked pretty interesting on paper, however, by the end, I found the story was definitely lacking something, as you mentioned. I will definitely spend some more time pre production next time around. Check out these films for some examples of my shorts where I feel story out shined technicals.

http://vimeo.com/7153356
http://vimeo.com/4307089
http://vimeo.com/5926325

However, this production was a very good learning experience. I have never been able to achieve this level of production quality before. So, hopefully in my next one I will be able to incorporate a better crafted story in addition to creating a visually pleasing piece. I already have some ideas... :D

Thanks again for the honest words and advice.

eric
 
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