SHORT: Feedback for my First Test Short

[Homunculus]

hello everyone. Here is a hacked gh1 test I did as an ongoing little short I am using to practice my editing and color correcting skills.

Please shred this first effort of mine and don't be shy to be as critical as possible because it's only a little test short that took me an hour to make so I won't take anything personally. I just want to know what ya'll think so far in terms of shot composition, color grading, editing, etc.
Don't mind the obvious messups though for instance shaky cam in a few shots this is because I was moving so fast I didn't have time to deploy the tripod in a few shots so tried to do as steady a hand held shot as possible. And also my lighting is visible in a few shots, once again I didn't care to waste effort moving it when I could have easily moved it back a couple feet only because I was trying to go real fast and like I said since this is not a real short but more of a training exercise, so I didn't mind.

I do have an actual storyline I plan to incorporate this into a fuller short but I still have a lot left to shoot and everything here that you see was more of a proof of concept and test that I may just reshoot most of the scenes with far more locked down shots with tripods and a steadier hand, etc.

Here it is

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QyOWM70kVGI

 

[Homunculus]

oh and most importantly please critically grade my lighting, and tell me what looks filmic/cinematic and what doesn't. And whether the whole thing in general looks cinematic/filmic or not

thanks everyone

 

[TDMS]

It has promise, but I want to see the whole story. Remember one of the most important things is that we (people) in general have short attention spans. You have to hook us in quick, and keep us there. You have some nice shots. The piano was not blending at the end. (the best way I know how to say it, sorry) Send me an email to let me know when you finish, I want to see how it turns out! Remember hook em, tell or show something to keep us there and make it quick unless the audience has prepared to watch a feature length. Good Job. My 2 cents:thumbsup: