My only gripe was what the Father went through in order to get his daughter a heart. If she had heart problems he sure as hell put a lot of stress on her weak one! That and the fact that he killed a few people, including endangering and injuring his own son. Then he ends up dying himself. Doesn't seem worth it really?
If the girl does survive (and that's doubtful considering that this is a back door heart transplant) she's an orphan and she and her brother will probably be split up. I guess I just wanted a happier ending. Which is a rare thing for me!
Looking forward to it.
)
I wondered why Tommy's juice had a bad taste to it when it seems that he should've gotten straight juice and Amanda should have been the one to complain if she had the sedative. (Speaking of Amanda, should a girl with a bad heart really be chasing a ball around outside?
Maybe I'm not seeing it the way that you are, but the idea of John's car being parked on the side of the road, but the pursuers not seeing it because of it being hidden by a passing semi didn't make sense to me. I got the sense from the description of a "lonely desolate highway" that this was somewhere where the land is flat for miles at a time, where any car parked on the side of the road should stand out like a sore thumb.
I liked the car-chase scene shortly after that, but one thing did catch my eye. You don't specify in the scene where John is packing the car where his rifle case went, but I'm presuming the trunk just because of the presumed size. It seems to me like you need a little more intercutting with what's going with the remaining black car to give him time to get to the trunk, pop it open, get the rifle out, load it, and take his first shot. If he's already taken out the driver, then there's certainly going to be action over there to cut to, so I think it could time out pretty well.
I, too, saw "John’s life slowly fades away"and assumed that meant he died there. If you're wanting to leave it more open, you might just have him lean against a wall and then slowly slide to the ground or something like that. I also wondered why John was coughing up blood since I didn't see that he'd gotten shot or anything along the way.
Finally, I wondered where two carloads of plainclothes "guards" came from so quickly after he stole the heart, how they knew so quickly to head for the relatives, and (for that matter) why two obviously injured guards came along on the chase rather than being treated at the hospital that John presumably stole the heart from. Not a huge problem, but it just seems like more serious security than any hospital would have, and access to more resources than you'd expect security guards to have.
All in all, though, it's a good script, and that car chase in the middle has the potential to look amazing on-screen.
I suppose if a father was given that situation along with all the 'complications' he has he'll do anything to help his children. Desparate times call for desperate measures.
