SHORT: Experimental Time Travel Short Film (T2I) Constructive Criticism Welcome!

R

rlebar

New member
Hey guys,
Please let me know what you think of my latest short film "A Rivulet in Time"
http://vimeo.com/39385953

The concept is adapted from a journal entry from "Einstein's Dreams"
The time lapse sequence in the beginning was made possible with the Magic Lantern firmware installed on my T2i shooting at 4 frames per second.

Here's my youtube channel if you like what you see: http://www.youtube.com/user/lebarryan?feature=mhee
I've got a mix between conceptual visual art pieces and narrative films on there.
 
First of all, good job. There was good cinematography. The story premise was interesting. Pretty good acting overall with pretty believable expressions and reactions and what not.

For the critique; I never felt like it went anywhere. I'm pretty sure I got the general premise, but I don't know anything about these time travelers, where they came from, what their purpose is. I don't know if they are lonely, and I don't know if them finding each other is some cosmic coincidence or fate, or what the significance of it is at all. I know through the subtitles that if they affect things it could destroy the universe, but how? And the girl smiling at him and him seeing her past and future, there is never any result shown of that. I have no idea what the significance was.

I didn't mind the superimposed text to start the film, but cutting it back in in the middle of the film kind of took me out of the story as well.

In short, I'd like to know more about the characters. I wouldn't necessarily have made it much longer, but I would have added more meaning to the scenes on the beach. Maybe show her trying not to interact with anyone (maybe a kid accidentally hits a beach ball to her and she doesn't hit it back to him when he motions her too, indicating that she can't affect this time). Maybe show the two travelers being more isolated, so that when they meet it has more meaning. I don't know the significance of the guy dropping his tie. The girl taking off her shoes in the sand made logical sense, but I'd like to know if that and the tie were connected somehow, and whether they were connected to the text that said they can't affect the time they travel to without risking the collapse of the universe.

Obviously your short was good enough to get me asking these questions. Making the viewer ask some questions and leaving them to come up with some of their own conclusions isn't a bad thing, but I felt kind of like if I wasn't seeing this on a forum with the specific purpose to watch and critique; if I just saw this on vimeo or Youtube, I may have moved to the next video and forgotten about it because I needed a connection to the story, and the characters.

So hopefully all the critiquing can either make your next film even better, but I can see that you have some definite skills! Keep up the good work.

-Matt
 
the sounds are nice.

And who are they ? and what's there mission and will they succeed ?

if this was a short intro for more, I think I'll stay awake to watch the next one....
 
I agree with Blazer. There wasn't much there to hold me in. There wasn't a story arc, nothing to want me to want to watch these characters continue.

If this is a love story, it's weak as it has two beats. One, they go back in time, two, they meet each other and find no future between them. The in between was the guy meets another girl and they see death, and they walk around with hoodies looking all depressed and stuff... There's really no development, and no urgency from either one of them to find each other. I didn't CARE if they found each other or not.

I also agree, the text was a bit too much. Seemed like in the middle the 'story' relied on the text to explain why they were just depressed. Like they say, show it, don't say it.

Good job though.
 
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