Energizer commercial (rough cut)

These are hard critiques and also just my personal opinion.

1. The music seems wrong for a battery commercial, yes I know the girl is sad because she lost her dog.

2. It takes a full 30 seconds to tell me the girl's dog is missing and it's a robot, its a slow build. I don't know how you could fix the pacing on something like that. I also don't really get what's going on before you see the "missing" poster. The story is not obvious as it should be.

3. Some of the shots weren't stabilized, commercials don't usually have handheld shots.

I think it has good potential, but it's very different from most commercials. Maybe that's what you're going for.
 
Was that one shot of the man with the dog blured intentionally? Not bad, I liked the colors and you got some good compositions.
 
The "blury" shot was the "rough" part of the cut (we arew aiting for replacement shot). cshelton: what do you mean "it takes 30 sec..." why would i want to tell the punch line at the begining? Just like many other commercials this one waits to the last second without though expecting you to laugh.

Shots were handheld -- tried to try something i haven't done before on a commercial.

The blue was post (originaly it was suppose to be "in camera") but there was no time.
 
Here's what I would have done to aide in "build up"

As they're walking down the street. . .
we hear a sound of a real dog barking in the distance
they post a sign on a tree
little girl looks into neighbors yard and see's a puppy, looks at her mom, and looks "tries" to smile
they post another sign
they come up to a corner and stop for a second
they look both ways and notice another young girl walking her dog on the sidewalk
..maybe the girl sheds a tear or evidences her sadness in some other way
then, we see them post the robot dog sign, the music changes
for the graphic at the end (and I know it's cheesy) I would have used the "bunny" drum sound

Again, this is what I would have done and is in no way critical of this director's approach.
Hope this helps.
 
I don't think the music fits with this commercial either....seems like they are in some italian villa crying over some bad pasta or something.

I'd go for more melodramatic music, very cinema like. I think that would be funnier than the music you have.

Also, it's probably just me, but what does a missing dog have to do with batteries?
 
thisiswells: well, what i know i'm missing is a shot of them walking and posting a sign at the begining. It's only 30 sec and it was intentional not to rush it (no fast 2sec cuts).

we were concidering changing the music for the titles but it seemed too "commercial."

Justin_Kirch: the idea isn't to be funny.
You didn't get it the missing robot dog/everlasting batteries connection?
 
Very clever concept. Be careful, they might steal your idea if they see it :)

As far as my .02 cents; I think it could be better executed. There's just something not right. It's not like any other Energizer commercial. I think thisiswells had some good ideas. If you change the music with the graphic and had the robotic dog run across the screen ("still going...") Also, the music and blue vignette bothered me too. Good luck with it. Again, it's a great concept!

-pk
 
Is that a blue grad thats been left on???
It didnt work for me, nice concept but all the elements are not big enough.
IT HAS TO BE A BOLD STATEMENT.
My 2p
 
I don't agree with the pacing comment. I think the whole point is to create a build up to the end as he did. Good job. I do agree however that the music doesn't really fit. that's bout it. I could easily see this commercial actually playing on tv and not think anything "amateur" of it.
And yes the robotic dog/battery connection does make absolute sense.

BTW, i'm sooooooo sure i have already seen this commercial posted about a year ago. I know i've already watched it that's for sure.
 
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