Eden

For an 18 year-old, it's not too bad, I suppose. Not exactly the kind of thing I would recommend to a casual viewer, but... decent, all things considered. But... it's not very good.

(Also, you don't know a lot about Cocaine, do you?)
 
ok. what do u mean..."for an 18 year old?"

it was a school project, this is by far NOT my best work. its just gotten tons of praise from reliable people so i figured i would post it up here....
 
The acting is the strongest point. Clearly, many of the leads have experience. However, the directing, camera work, and dialog leave a lot to be desired. It was pretty obvious all of the camera shots were impromptu, especially with exposure issues. Many of the shots went on too long (I'm mostly thinking the opening "track" shots.) Long, shaky camera shots are to be avoided, especially when nothing of any interest is going on except following a guy from behind.
The music was very irratating. I suppose you like this style, but it doesn't fit well with the film at all.

And on, and on.
Anyway, good luck on future projects.
 
i've noticed that all ur post contain very rude and harsh remarks towards people's projects.

also....i don't see you throwing anything up here for people to check out and critique. i understand that it isnt my best work, and i still cringe at most of the above mentioned things. it was a "school project." nothing extremely snazzy. people enjoy it.

please get off the high horse and offer something for us to see. who made you so high and mighty.....?



oh and what makes the music irritating? That has been people's favorite part. Especially with the adult viewers....
 
Whoa whoa whoa, relax. He was just offering his views on the matter. The technical faults are glaring, especially the audio issues. I echo Stefan's point about the long tracking shots which should be cut down on, and I think his point about the music was the fact that it was very overbearing. It was present most of the time, and never really died down. Sometimes you should adhere to the maxim of 'Less is More'. Anyway this is a public forum which is useful for the critique of people's work. Reading the insights of others can really help to improve your craft - I know i benefited alot from the comments which weren't always amiable. Why don't you post your 'best' work yourself, if you're so concerned about people needing to prove themselves in order to comment on your videos? You can check out my stuff if you want, and I'm aware of the several flaws inherent to them thanks to the kind members of this forum.

www.wobblin.net
 
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Hang on. If you want honest critiques, then that's what you'll get here. If you want people to pander to you like you're already the next Wes Anderson, go elsewhere.

Look, you're far from bad. You undoubtedly showed some spark in your film. The documentary-style beginning is fairly well made, especially for a high-school film. A few of the insufflation shots showed promise as well (I assume your actors were painfully snorting powdered sugar). Plus, there's on other with which I'll save to conclude.

The big problem was the plot: "We like Cocaine, uh-oh, we need more coke, 'oh no I can't get enough coke so I'm gonna shoot myself' and, of course, 'Coke is bad for you, so I'm never touching that again.'" Would you really want to see a film with that plot, especially one devoid of any (consistently) strong visual style?

An often missed aspect of "the student film" is the advancement character development, and, as expected, that's not here much either. The characters are very bland and not very interesting. Too much of the film is spent on the coke, not enough is spent on the characters. Especially since you have some good actors, you really should consider creating more interesting people, rather than simply one coke scene after another.

In student films: guns suck. I have almost never seen a gun used well in a student production, and it's not here either. When the fellow carried in an assault rifle like a toy gun, it looked quite silly. Try to avoid guns in the future-- stick to knives.

As far as the ending goes, it left quite a bit to be desired. No really powerful moral finale. There's quite a bit you could have done with the "Cold Turkey" that happens with Cocaine addiction, but that didn't really happen here (only a single unconvincing "shivering night"). Once again, the empty characters keep any real magic from happening-- the audience doesn't really even care what happens to these people.

Now, I've spent a disproportionate amount of time deriding your film-- I'm not doing it to "make you feel bad" or "laugh you off the stage," I'm trying to help.
But let's end on a positive note. The one-minuet scene at the 5:40 mark is absolutely fantastic-- edgy cinematography, nice cuts, well-used music, believable acting-- you show a real eye for quality. If the rest of your film was at that level, I honestly could not have been shut up about your praises. Use that scene as a springboard for later works, work on your writing (or get a writer), shorten your cuts, tone down the music, and create more believable themes, and you're going to do great in Hollywood.

Good luck sir.
 
allright. fair enough. i need to apologize for my response. a few things you must understand however.

-I actually am a very good screenwriter (not tooting my own horn, that's what people in the industry have told me. This script was written in around 3-4 hours in one day, in order to make it comply with a term paper that i wrote regarding the trafficking of cocaine. Definately NOT something i was super proud of, but hey, it needed to be done.

-The film was shot in about 8 hours, not exactly the best enviroment for a perfect film. I understand that most of it was very rough. The tracking shot at the beginning makes me cringe due to the fact that there is hardcore amounts of dirt on the lens. I know that most of the film wasnt exactly quality work, and i can accept that because i know that it was a school project for a government final. Not an award winning film. (even though it was screened at the American Motion Picture Society....)

-I'm sorry for the comments i made. I was up late and was actually in a pretty foul mood when i wrote it. But i want you to know StefanHaynes, i do respect your opinion and i apologize for my harsh comebacks. Thanks for watching the film regardless of how you felt.

Out of curiosity, do you have anything that you've shot or written? I would be very interested to read or watch anything you've got.

If you want to see something of quality that i have, i am actually in pre-production on a Western film set to shoot this summer. This is polar opposite from Eden, in the sense that it as a production schedule, storyboards have been extensively drawn, and the writing proccess has been spanning several months. This is going to be very worthy of showing off here on the boards. I'm shooting it with a DVX100A so the picture quality should look supreme.

Check out info on that here: http://goldenbriefcase.blogspot.com

hope we can start over bro.
 
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